Am i bitter or protecting my baby?
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As a baby mama who was dragged through the mud in court and had an inconsistent baby daddy…do not say that as it can bite you in the rear if he ever gets nasty with in court. With that being said, is he on actual child support/calculated by the state? Do you guys have a parenting plan? If you are trying to be empathetic I would say; “Hey (name), I have been noticing that the amount of time you are spending with our child is not enough and seems to be impacting our child. I would like to know if you are able to spend more time with them on X, y, and X dates. As it would be beneficial. If you are unable to i would like you to consider the short amount of time you are spending and how it impacts the child. I want to see you guys have a flourishing relationship but the lack of time is causing more damage than good. Please let me know if you would like to discuss this more in person.”
@Sarah No, it is not through th courts. We agreed on $150 per paycheck. I did apply for state benefits and my state does go after child support so i may not have a choice but to do so legally. The closest thing we have to a “parenting plan” are set days he can come see my son. I’ve told him from the get go he can come Tuesday/Thurs from 5-7 and if that gets consistent we could add more time, but he only ever comes from 5:15-6 and never asks for more time. Thank you for the suggestion, I’ll try to say something similar so it won’t bite me if he ever goes against what everyone thinks and takes me to court out of spite (:
@Krissy if you ever want to chat more I am more than happy to offer insight/advice. May not be the best but I spent way too much money on a custody battle and I wish I would have done things differently to benefit in the long run. The last thing I would wish is for a mama (like you) to not get the long end of the stick if it ever becomes nasty in court. Typically men go on the defense/become these guys who scream “crazy baby mama” the minute they get a child support order.
I have to agree with the others, if it really does seem like he’s not trying you are completely valid in what you are thinking. I would also have to agree with trying not to send that message. If anything I would do what Sarah said and try to have a civil conversation about maybe getting him to try a little more for the sake of your son. Court is definitely nasty, so I would definitely try to be as nice as you can for that💕 also welcome to message me whenever💕
Yes exactly be careful with what you say so that he doesn't take you to court to be a butthead. My bd is similar with the completely lack of parenting or care. So I feel ya. Maybe you could give him more responsibility and tell him the little one will benefit from you doing some of these things so you need to start. But say it kindly. Otherwise maybe make yourself busy on his days or make yourself be sick and kinda let him keep his distance 🤔 idk it's a tough spot but yes be careful what you say
@ren when i say i have trrriiiieeddd. I ask him to change diapers and every time, without fail, it’s “how do i do it”. so i asked him to make him something to eat “oh well what can he eat?” everytime my son cries his father panics and brings him to me. when i say “no you need to comfort him too” he basically says he has to go. i’m exhausted 😅
Omg I feel this 🤦♀️😩 I'm sorry Mine is the same way. He tells me that he doesn't know how to do anything so that he won't have to 🙄 and if he does he does it wrong or horribly. Fed him baby food and swear he purposefully had that shit spilled everywhere 😒 lol when I told him pointers he said if you want me to do it it's gonna be a mess 🤷♀️ Also I told him to give baby a bath that I'd set it up and everything else and he said "I refuse" Lmao I literally laughed. Told him he could leave if he wasn't able to be helpful and he just stared at me and said he wasn't leaving yet. The whole thing would drive anyone nuts
@ren it’s only funny bc i’ve experienced so similar😭 “do you wanna give him a bath” “im scared he’ll drown” ?!?!?!?!? like bro you have to WATCH HIM STILL??
Definitely go down the court road. Don't wait.
I’m so over men 🙄 why do they act like this? Like bro we’re learning and learnt these things through trying and doing, but they just wanna pass every opportunity they can, it’s like having a kid is just an accessory to them? They don’t know the amount of hard work we do to get the title of being a tired parent, can’t say that all men are lazy as that would be unfair but dam, when can we have a break? Without the fear and guilt. No you’re not being bitter, I feel you. I can relate to this in so many ways where I have to go to my doctors next week because I’m that over worked I think I have postnatal depression 😅
Sounds like he doesn’t want to be a dad which is sad for your child. Just be straight up with him. Make him take your child to a park or public place with a playground and kids where he has to interact with him & check his diaper and make sure he’s feed & give him exactly 2hrs that HE PROMISED !!!! if he can’t step it up as a dad then ask him what’s the point of being in his sons life and if he honestly wants to be a dad ? Because if he doesn’t then you have your answer and you’ll know what to do next
I don’t think you sound bitter at all. If he actually was interested in spending time with his son or actually done helpful things like nappies/feed/bath then that would be different. He needs to step up because that’s really not great. Sorry you’re having to deal with that mama 😩🩷