Birth trauma c hyst

Birth trauma I had a very bad birth experience. I'm a nurse, first baby and my whole life I wanted to have a baby and experience a natural birth. After 26 hours of labor with the worlds worst nurses I gave up and allowed a csection. Doc cut my uterine artery, didn't realize I was massively hemorrhaging even after begging she denied me blood for hours. I lost 3x my blood volume and almost died. I woke in icu after a Jada balloon placement and embolization. I had a lot of pain and swelling in my abdomen that was excruciating. I was misdiagnosed as having an ileus so I said no to all pain meds. Finally after a dropping hemoglobin and bp they CTd me and found a lot of bleeding internally and uterine trauma. The doc had perforated my uterus placing the Jada device. They had to take my uterus cervix and fallopian tubes. They said my vaggina was also perforated. It just sucks so bad because I was gas lit into the c section in the first place. They said I was having variable decells but upon review it looks more like I was contracting baby off the monitor as the heart rate matches mine during contractions then immediately jumps to baby's baseline. I felt baby move throughout labor. The doc also said she was OP however I never had back labor and instead felt R hip pain. She said too she wasn't coming down the pelvis well however I felt fetal ejection reflex and was making progress w pushing...and she came out with a cone head.i wanted so bad for a natural vaginal delivery with that spike of natural oxytocin post delivery and golden hour and skin to skin. Instead I got butchered, treated like shit and disabled. It was hard to care for baby and I had to stay in the hospital for over a week. Whats more is I was met with incompetence and arrogance at every stage. I'm so beyond sad. When the lights flicker I feel like I must be bleeding again. I'm sad that I don't have a uterus to do this over again. I was robbed. There's so much more I can say but it raises my bp to talk about it. Baby is healthy and I'm grateful. I have a lawyer and am suing the ob that screwed me up. She was an awful bitch too while I was begging her for blood. I felt short of breath and chest pain. Very scary. I now have a large T shaped incision as they couldn't remove my uterus through the c section incision because my uterus was too clamped down. A fact that the ob had denied preciously...blaming a boggy uterus for the bleeding...when in fact my uterus was tight for 3 days! I think a lot of dead women are actually the result of medical malpractice. I hope to educate others on my experience and prevent further death in the future. They also fluid overloaded the shit out of me and I had fluid around my heart even when I told them to stop hanging fluid. I was surrounded by morons. Anyways read my book once I have time to write it. I wish this never happened. I wish I said no to every cervix check. They used my dilation to push further intervention and my body was doing just fine. In France it's 72 hrs post rom before mentioning c section and they have way better statistics. I should have done a lot of things different but I have to remind myself that even though I work as a nurse, that day I was a patient. I was the vulnerable one. I shouldn't have had to hire a doula or vet every possible ob I could end up with. I should have received quality care regardless and I just didn't. Idk if this is a c section thing or a trauma thing but I don't really feel like I actually gave birth. I feel like I was abducted by aliens and she was taken out of me and my body was directed as a sick science project. I begged them to leave my uterus and just repair the perforation because it sounded like it was pretty linear sown my right lower uterus through the cervix and vagina. They sewed up the vagina but couldn't fix the uterus or cerv8x? Even though they can repair the incision from a c section. It makes no sense to me. I wasn't bleeding out as fast so I feel like they could have done that and cauterize any bleeders. It really sickens me. And my vertical abdominal incision wasn't stapled correctly and wasn't lined up right so I have a permanent fold in my skin and a large keloid where some staples popped out...because it wasn't lined up right. It's just as botched as it could possibly be. Nobody put themselves in my shoes and saw me as a person. A young woman who has a lot of life left to live. A person who backpacks, hik3s, dances, works hard to save lives, travels, has babies. They stole part of my personhood. I got my tsh checked and it was fine. I'm tired but it could be post partum and hysterectomy exhaustion. I ate a fuck ton of liver once I got home and oysters and seaweed for the copper, iodine, iron, and b vitamins and felt soooo much better within days. I'm breast feeding great so far and have a great memory and smarts still but do feel foggy at times. Wouldn't you know pretty quickly if you have it? My lowest hgb was 4 lowest ph 7.066 lowest sbp 40. Now I have normal bp and hgb last checked was 14. I've been leading my care from the moment I walked into the hospital. Unfortunately during labor I was in so much pain that fluids were being hung without me knowing and I didn't have a doula to help guide my positiining...something I thought the L&D nurses would help with. I was talked out of hiring a doula as well as having a home birth or at least a birth center birth so I could have my natural delivery I wanted so bad. I've also worked ED, CICU, and flight and they were aware I was a flight nurse. I think the doc wanted to have a pissing contest w me as she said, this isn't trauma sweet heart it's L&d when I was talking about my concern w a bp 70/40 w HR 140 and large bleeding noted. I said I had a c section, pretty sure that's a trauma. What a fucking cunt. I hate her. I was very mean and many rolled their eyes at me instead of taking me seriously. Maybe they thought I couldn't possibly be so mean and so close to death. I felt impending death and it was so hard to breath and had cruching chest pain. I had black spots in my vieion aand couldnt hear well...i also experienced a weird trinckling sound going down my neck. I was trying to save my life...and I did. I told the nurses to prime blood tubing and the rapid infuser anticipating the MTP that the doc should have ordered. I couldn't sleep through my hospital stay as no nurse thought to advocate against the 2 am NORMAL mag blood draw. Complete shit care. I wish I had me as a nurse. And the attitude and rudeness was off the charts. Also a lot of my nurses never bothered to read my chart and I even had one bitch tell me I hadn't bled much according to what she read. I'm like did u read all the notes, I bled multiple times, you have to add them all up. She was a complete dip shit and was stressed over my nerve blocks and telling me I should still be in ICU because of my nerve blocks. So I offered to rip them out for her convenience. I also dcd my own ETT and a line and several intlfiltrating PIVs. Lol. I was not a nice patient. When I awoke in ICU I asked what vent settings I was on by writing on paper and once I knew they were minimal settings I started to break oflut of restraints to rip the ett out because it was super uncomfortable and made me feel like I was choking. My nurse was married to her charting and was pissed I was being a bother. I inadvertently ripped the a line out and she told me I didn't have good priorities. I guess she was shocked that when u stop propofol the patient wakes up. What an idiot. And she was older too, you'd think she would know better. I asked why the fuck are you hanging more fluids on me. I was so overloaded I couldn't feel below my groin. I had no neck. I estimate I was at least 100 lbs overloaded. She said ur bp is dropping. I'm like well I either need a pressor or blood then. Obviously I don't need more fluid. I needed o2 for days from the fluid in my lungs and there was some around my pericardial sack. She rolled her eyes and annoyingly introduced me as the flight nurse. Mind you all I wanted was to leave that hell hole and hold my baby.