Little venting session.

As a kid I didn’t have the best life . There was good time there were bad my mom was on drugs but as a kid I didn’t know or understand till I got a little older I remember talking to a cps worker in 3rd grade and telling her I love my mom she’s not mean to us & she don’t do drugs drugs are bad .. then being taken away to live in my grandmas two bedroom house it was me and my 2 brothers we slept on the floor while my older brother got a room to himself because he had behavior issues he got what he wanted all the time and me and my younger brother probably went thru a lot because we didn’t get we wanted which is why we are super close . I remember my mom used to leave us with this baby sitter who had roaches all over her house they made us sleep on the floor and eat on the floor and clean her house and her daughters room while her daughter got to play .. my mom didn’t know how to show us physical love or hug us and stuff she just bought us things I feel like she tried her best but she kept going back to old ways .. she never worked when we got older she had bfs who out there hands in her infront of us her bf was illegal I remember ice coming to get him and he slid in my room I was yelling get out and ice busted in my room had a laser on me .. well let’s get to the point … I try my best to show me kids love and affection sometimes it’s uncomfortable for me and I feel so guilty for it … I want to have great bonds with them sometimes I feel like I don’t I often wonder how they feel about me sometimes they tell me they love all the time even on the ugly days but I wish I could do more some times I feel like I failed them because I want to give them the world and everything I never had but life it’s gettin hard it’s gettin expensive things feel different about the air now in 2024 ..

Show your support

I feel the same about giving affection to my kids. God bless your family, I think being conscious of an issue means you can work on changing the behavior that isn’t working for you! No body is perfect! As long as you’re doing the best you can that’s all you can do.

I’m sorry for what you’ve been through. I also struggled bc when I was younger my parents were only affectionate with my younger sister. I struggled in relationships bc although I’d tell my past partners that I liked them they didn’t see it bc I was very cold and was not affectionate. The important thing was that I noticed my pattern and I tried to hard to change it. However, I did have a daughter at the age of 18 and I made sure to give her all the love I never got. Till this day my kids do get many hugs and kisses, bc I feel like they’re mine so it’s different and they deserve to get the love I never did. On the other hand with partners it took some time I had to tell myself “hug them”. It was weird. When I married my husband I became more affectionate but he came from an affectionate family so it bothered him. I explained my past (I was never abused). In the process it did hurt my husband but we worked on it and now I’m more affectionate. I hope this helps.