Struggling, ranting, advice please! 😣

I’m almost 6 weeks postpartum from a C-section so still healing, me and my partner have had a up and down past few months (he moved out while I was pregnant it got that bad) while I was pregnant he didn’t help much around the house, wouldn’t do barley any house work, wouldn’t cook his kids tea etc, it was left up to me and I think it was mainly cos he was at work and I wasn’t, he told me he would change, however fast forward to now, he had 4 weeks of paternity, again barley did anything to help around the house, doesn’t wake up to the baby at all when he cries, however he quit his job without notice almost 2 weeks ago (2 days after he went went back) has stopped paying me towards the bills, and still doesn’t do anything to help, I have two dogs (prior to our relationship) I asked him if he could help walk them as it was hard with the baby and still healing, keeps saying he will but literally doesn’t leave our bedroom, he sleeps in till 11/12 every day, he won’t come downstairs. I run around like a headless chicken constantly, he barely helps with the baby, will sit in his kids room for hours when they are here, which I get he wants to spend time with them but he will sit up there 6-8 hours straight ( this is because I asked for them not to be in our bedroom all the time because it’s my only space on my own and it started to feel like it was a play room, there was no boundaries or respect) I’m up with the baby every few hours still and struggle to sleep in between because of his snoring (which he laughs at when I say something about) I have no friends where we live because he moved here so he was closer with his kids, my family are 45 minutes away, the public transport is terrible and it would take me 1 bus and 2 trains to get to my mums, I feel like I have no support, the house is a mess all the time because I can’t keep on top of it, I am going insane! I feel guilty about thinking of moving closer to my family once the tenancy’s up, or even sooner if they let me leave early but I can feel myself becoming miserable, I can’t leave the house without help/ on my own because there is steps at the door so I can’t get the pram out, i feel so isolated here. He laughed at me today when I said he needs to start pulling his weight because it’s not fair, like I can’t keep repeating myself over and over again and I’m sick to death of having the same conversation all the time, but I don’t know if I would want him to move with me or not because I don’t think moving wouldn’t fix any of the issues, it stay the same just somewhere else? I’m just so fed up and I honestly don’t know what to do!

Show your support

Well in my opinion, you shouldn’t be with someone who doesn’t respect you. If he isn’t helping around the house or doing anything then you’re clearly perfectly capable of doing it on your own. Itll be hard to adjust to being on your own completely but you’ll make it in the end. And maybe if you move away from him it’ll show him how serious you really are and he might start stepping up more 🤷🏼‍♀️ also moving closer to your family would make it easier for you if you need help. It really doesn’t matter what anyone says tho it’s up to you to decide what’s best for you wether that’s staying or leaving. I hope you’re okay and my messages are always open x

Oh god definitely move closer to your family if you can! You need help and support and community and you're not getting any of those things. If these are recent changes for him it could be depression - staying in bed all the time definitely sounds like that - but even if it is something like that, you need help now.

We had a falling out this morning because I was up all night with the baby and it was. 3 way screaming match with him and his kids, that woke the baby up and also stressed the dogs out, I’ve told him I don’t want to stay where we are because I’m isolated, I get no help or support and his only response was asking what support I don’t get and “well I can’t move to - or - “ both places closest to my family, I explained basically what I posted with not helping around the house etc, and he ignored me because he didn’t want to argue. Its not depression or low moods because he will get out of bed, and do everything he wants to do or has to do (like play the Xbox, or go shopping for himself or go to his mums etc) we’ve been through that route and he’s opening admitted his mental health is good x

Oof, I'm sorry. It definitely sounds like you should make arrangements to move closer to your family without him if you can. Otherwise you're staring down a lifetime of isolation, no help, and screaming matches.

I think this morning was the push over the edge, I repeatedly told all of them that the baby didn’t sleep and to just give it a rest so he didn’t wake up. They all have to have the last word and be louder than each other, and it’s the lack of respect and consideration that I can’t deal with anymore. I told him I’d be turning the WiFi off at 9 because the kids don’t need to be awake late, they were both up till 1am last night (they are 8 and 11) and he completely disregarded that and gave them cake at 9:30🥲 they are still awake now, however they are in bed watching a film. He told me he would sit in the kids room this evening with the baby but I said no because I’d rather be on my own with the baby than just sat on my own or on the kids floor lol

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