Reaching my breaking point

My husband comes home from work angry everyday. My son’s cries make me angry. I don’t have the time or energy to clean and cook and study like I used to. I feel like I’m slowly slipping away from everything and I’m so depressed. All I want is a break, but I don’t have anyone I trust to watch my son and sitters scare me and I just don’t know what to do anymore. I feel like I’m just running on autopilot to survive. All my son sees is his mom bed-rotting and miserable and I don’t want him to remember me like this.

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Why can't the dad help after he gets off of of work ?? It will NOT kill him

So sorry you’re going through this. It will all be a memory soon. This won’t last long nor consume you. As for help, Why not hire a post partum doula or a night nurse to help you catch up and get a break? I’m suggesting because it sounds like you can afford a sitter. I think that might be better so that you can confidently have someone help with your son just within your sight. Then when your back to yourself do the same with a babysitter and gradually build trust with them through night visits while your there. An au pair or PT nanny?

I get the fear of sitters. I didn't have one until after my second child, but part of it is getting over the fear. They will not kidnap your child, or molest them, or do any of the things you are worried about. Your baby will miss you for a few hours, and that will be it. After the first time, they will know what to expect and do better. Get someone who feels warm and familiar with kids that age. My go-to is a preschool teacher, so she knows all the songs and activities kids love best. After the first time, she asked if she can bring her 4yo son along, so now it doubles as a play date. My kids have a blast. So many moms would love to get a babysitting gig and would do a great job. Give them a chance! Who knows, they might even help clean up a bit...

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