Help for mums

Hii, I was just wondering how you'd feel about this: I have been in mental health therapy for 1 year now as I have 2 under 2 and was often really stressed and even depressed especially when I was sick and the chores would pile up for weeks and I was feeling horrible, maybe on top of everything sleepless nights and arguments with husband...SO. I got referred to Home Step which is a volunteer person who comes to you and helps with whatever you need, I was told that she could do some shopping for me, watch the kids while I cook etc., basically take off the load. I was really looking forward to it but now the coordinator called me to introduce the Homestep properly and asked what I think this is and what I need help with so i repeated what I was told. She goes: "So. These people are not cleaners and no babysitters, they are there to just support you specifically." So I was confused and asked: "Like, how?" And she said: "Even like, to talk with you or be with you and kids while you cook. But when won't watch your kids while you get to read and she will not do chores for you" And I imagined being as stressed as I am usually, already having too much to think about and then have a stranger be with me in that stress while feeling like I should be nice and talk or think of ways she could help me, but not too much as she is not my cleaner or babysitter. I thought it's clear that I need either active help while there is so much to do or help with me taking a break. I was not sure what to say so the coordinator on the phone said, "Hmm I hear your gut tells you it's not for you, why don't we leave it at that then." I don't know how to feel now.. I am not sure I understand how that would possibly help anyone to have a stranger with you that is not there to do much while you are all overwhelmed and stressed already? I mean...would that be something for you?

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I would understand if they don't take care of the kids so you can read or go to the gym (which is important but not essential) but just some one to come to your house and help you how? Would they come and help you get out of the house for example? Help you get the kids ready, and give you a hand so you can get ready? Would they offer to do some kind of activities with the kids? Would they check on the kids while you take a shower? Would they offer solutions or counselling with your partner/family to share the load and get things off your plate?

@Tatiana Yes, the coordinator said they would give you a hand here and there but the fact that she said, they are not there to watch the kids or help you in the household kind of scared me off because I would constantly worry that I am asking too much. And secondly, she said, they won't watch your kids long time so I didn't understand the form of the meetings it would be. Like, I can ask her to watch the kids while I go to toilet for a few min. Or she can help me be with the kids while I cook instead of her taking them to their room. So I imagine them still being all over me and not be wanting to be with the stranger while I am in the same room... so I would have to coordinate on top of what I do already and 2 min. Toilet or 15 min. shower in peace is not really worth having a total stranger in your private space for hours...I guess it's just me maybe

I don't really know your situation. If you want to talk more in depth you can text me privately. But have you thought about hiring a person to go once a week and help you with the house? I got someone that comes to mine once a week for 3 hours and does the bulk of the cleaning (bathrooms, changing bedsheets, cleaning the kitchen, hoover and mop...) then I have to do laundry and keep the every day chores but it's less

We got our cleaner at the end of my pregnancy so she's been with us for more than a year and now I trust her fully and when I need she also takes care of my son

@Tatiana Yes, see that's what I prefer because at the end of the day I will feel helped if either something in my household gets done or I get a break from my kids. Having a stranger come over who I don't know what to ask from because she is not getting paid is actually extra load for me. It's easier to just pay a cleaner that comes every week and does the same things so I don't need to worry about coordinating. And I also take a babysitter sometimes

These co-ordinates are so not helpful are they?! I feel like they are just trying to save money! Maybe the person who you would get wouldn’t actually mind doing a few chores for you. If they are causing you more hassle then I’m sure that you can say it wasn’t working out for you. But I would try them at least. I’m just thinking from their perspective they would probably rather be helpful than be awkwardly sitting around. I’m just annoyed that the co-ordinated took your hesitation as a sign to not bother!! Not good xx

Hey, that kinda sucks if you were told something and it weren't what it seemed :( I'd be a bit confused and go back to the person who told me it was this and that... I'm just curious, is this a charity based volunteer service you was referred to? I've just been trying to google it and all that came up was Home Start, a charity. If it was me i usually google things to see what other people have said about it so i get a good idea what it's all about. Paying a cleaner sounds like money well spent, I'm thinking about it myself.

@Tatiana hi do u mind sharing yr cleaner’s rates and contact please.

Hey! She charges £14/hour. And she works in northwest London areas

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