Weaponized Incompetence or am I a Nag

(A little back ground im 27, I have an autistic nonverbal 5 year old, a 5 month old and my bf is 47) So this is the first time ive had a house of my own. Ive never had to be responsible for all cleaning, laundry, and house management. On top of that I have really bad post partum depression and my daughter who is autistic has adhd and is nonstop all day every day. My 5 month old is also very clingy. From the time I wake up I am cleaning, taking care of the kids and planing meals, etc. I ask my bf for help and he does but he constantly asks me 500000 questions which just adds extra mental energy that i do not have! I have told him that if he cant help to please just maintain the house organized. like dont mess what i just cleaned. Ive also asked him to please stop asking me so many questions because mentally and physically im drained. Tonight I feel exhausted as I am sick and so are the kids. So I am doing laundry and folding like 5 loads while my toddler is destroying the upstairs which i will then have to clean. I had sent him to aldis to get meat after I made a list coded by section etc… he comes home and is asking me how I want dinner cooked and I overwhelmed asked if he “needed me to write fucking instructions” Obviously he shut down and immediately because of my reaction I take blame and apologize. then he flips saying hes sick of me talking at him etc. I am so over it. hes 20 years older but i have to hand hold for everything! I feel so much load and Im giving my all. On top of that he also gets mad that im a sahm. I cant win.

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Imo men that much older with a much younger partner is because he isn’t mature enough to find someone his own age to date him cuz he isn’t mature enough and is just a king baby. So he instead manipulated you into a relationship and locked you in with kids so you can’t leave. He will never grow up cuz if he hasn’t now he never will. You deserve someone who respects you and doesn’t use you for labor.

@Lyss 😢 definitely probably true he literally just said this is who he is and he cant change

I am sorry you are having to deal with. Know that it isn’t you. You aren’t a nag. You got into the relationship wanting a partner not a grown man child. If you ever need to talk about it you can message me!

there’s not much you can do about a man child unfortunately. i would suggest writing him lists and basically telling him that you aren’t going to answer any questions, so he will have to get on with it on his own. but also try and talk to him about it, say how the kids and housework are a joint responsibility, it doesn’t matter if he goes out and works, he also chose to get a house and get you pregnant, so maintaining everything is on him too.

My fiancé is older than me by 13 years. What I learned from that is, he expected me to know and be good at everything he is. He forgets that his life experience trumps mine by a thousand. Even little things like… making a steak. He has this great way of doing it that apparently everyone in the world knew but me. I told him he has to have patience, I’m still learning, my life experience is still growing! I learn so much from my fiance though so that seems different than your case. It seems here he expects you to know everything, whether that be because he’s a man child or because he simply has more life experience I can’t answer that. You know him best. The good news is he seems willing to help (going to store, starting dinner) so I would write him lists of things you need help with. “Vacuum and mop the kitchen” “wipe down the bathroom” and go from there. 🩷

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