I’m so angry

Me and my husband got in an argument earlier basically over something so ridiculous the car is dirty. He started going on about it looking sh*t and that I do nothing all day so I can at least go and get it cleaned. We have a 10 month old I’m also 6 months pregnant so I’m hardly going to stand at a car wash. So I said that wasn’t the agreement when we got the car I didn’t even want he persuaded me to get it and told me he would look after it. However that’s not the issue he kept going on and on really belittling me saying I’m lazy etc told me he wanted to seperate that I was boring, so I was like fine ok I’ll go back to my parents Thursday afternoon (they’re away till Thursday and I have a midwife appointment tomorrow) I live an hour away from them too. We didn’t speak when we got back and he took my keys and went out as his van is in the garage he came back about 40 minutes later and started apologising that he’s just worried that he’s got something really wrong. He’s got some health issues went for an x day and camera down his throat at the hospital that’s why he was off work. He then said he was really tired so going to bed (this wasn’t unusual he’s been sleeping a lot) so I kinda thought ok not right but ok if he’s anxious I get it. I’ve just gone into the bathroom to run a bath and found a little clear bag with a white rock. I’ve never actually done drugs or even seen it if I’m honest but even I knew what it was. He had a problem years ago and we actually split up but he went to counselling he got sober doesn’t even drink so after a year we got back together then a few months later I found out I was pregnant. Things have been great up until the last couple of months when he’s been poorly. He gets easily aggy and has no patience doesn’t really speak to me or our little one so that’s why I pushed for him to go to the doctors can’t just ignore it. I also sleep in the spare room as he snores bad and being pregnant I can’t cope with it so we really haven’t had a relationship for the last few weeks z I literally walked into the bedroom and chucked the bag on the bed he was like where was that? I said bathroom, he then said where on the floor? I then just said yep and walked out. Our LO is now crawling and although I do shut all the doors what if I hadn’t noticed it and hadn’t shut the door whilst running a bath. I just don’t know if I can forgive this. Maybe if he had gone out and stress relief but having it in the house I now can’t trust him. I’m questioning if this has happened before and I’ve been naive. He’s been distant but I put it down to being ill. I really hate my life right now.

Show your support

I'm not one for saying leave because I understand that's easier said then done. Substance abuse is a disease. God forbid your baby would have gotten to that baggy. You can't let it slide! Hard ultimatum.

Exactly this is my thing what if she had picked it up or even the dog I just can’t help the carelessness.

I know it's easier said than done but I would actually be looking to leave after being told I do nothing all day but I'm really not cool with being disrespected and would wonder who he thought he was talking to. Then you have belittling, being called lazy and him actually telling you he wants to split. Honestly all that would be more than enough for me + I would take the child and go to your parents if I were you. Also report him for the drugs - you don't want him around your children if he is on drugs being careless right?

Yep even after he apologised I was still thinking tomorrow I’m packing everything up to leave Thursday. I had a really emotional conversation the other week where I said I felt like I was struggling mentally. I said felt unloved not just him I never really hear from my friends or my sister since moving. I was worried he was only sticking around for the babies I just got a really low point. However he reassured me and then weirdly my sister text me the next morning saying she was heading near where we lived we needed a catch up so I spent the day with her and two of my nieces and my LO so I started feeling better. Now I feel like he’s seen me feeling better, a lot more positive and he’s put me down because maybe he’s going through something. I get that but never once when I was feeling low would I put him down even when we split up I was his biggest supported he could get through this addiction. Before we split up he would constantly start stupid arguments to get on it.

Things are different now we have a 10 month old and another due in January I can’t risk this. If I lost them because of him I’d never forgive myself.

He's definitely using again, this type of behavior says it all. I am very sorry. I'd be packing my bags.

This triggers me so bad uhhhh I understand your frustration that’s how my ex was the anxiety this caused me frfr I left !!!!!!!!

I think for your child’s safety and your own personal safety you should go stay with your mom. Drugs make people unpredictable and you never know what he could do even if he doesn’t have a history of violence. Choose yourself and your baby. If it’s important to him to be around he will do what he should to get clean and stay clean.

I feel like if anything would make me leave finding drugs that my child could have possibly taken would deff be a reason. God forbid the baby would have gotten in them. He may say it’s the first or last time he’s doing it but a whole bag he was hiding…. Idk

Oh trust me I know what it’s like I lived for years with it till it got to a point I couldn’t do it and left 6 months after we got married he kept promising it would stop and it didn’t however when I left he did work on himself and he did stop because he had to do regular drug testing which is spontaneous at work he would have lost his job I definitely know what it’s like being with someone with an addiction it’s been nearly 10 years together. Admittedly when he started arguing with me in the back of my head I thought this is an excuse like old times he’s not at work the rest of the week but I guess I didn’t want to believe it. However finding it on the floor tonight my mind went into overdrive this isn’t just me now. We haven’t spoken at all he literally stayed in the bedroom I was going to ask him to leave but I thought that wouldn’t help so we went to bed at 7 anyways. I’m pretty sure from my blunt reaction he knows he’s lost me now.

I have text my mum and as hard as it will be as I will be moving into a bedroom with two babies unless I can sort something by January I know I can’t stay here. I need support I don’t have that here.

It’s not just support it’s a safe environment. Your child doesn’t deserve to be around drugs or be in risk of eating them. Children put anything into their mouths so having them laid out on the floor is horrible for the child.

Exactly and right now EVERYTHING is going in their mouth. My point in the support was this could be a one off who knows but either way I don’t want to find out.the way he spoke to me prior to even finding the drugs was making me want to escape. I’ve found this pregnancy hard being so close to my last and I literally don’t feel like I get any help so having the support and help will definitely make things easier either way as it is only getting harder. I don’t need the worry and stress.

I’ve walked into my bathroom as a child and as an adult and found that same baggy. It was my mom’s. It was never a secret yet always sort of a shock when I saw it bc of the thought “aren’t I enough to stop”… if he can’t be a solid parent then you have to be. My dad wasn’t perfect but he worked hard and he took care of me the way I should have been. And even though my mom’s better now, and recently too, I will always have the memory of finding those baggies. And as I got older and understood those baggies more I pieced together every bad mood, every out of pocket thing said, every time she fell asleep mid conversation or at the table we were eating at. My heart breaks for you but as someone who’s seen it all happen, please do better for your baby. Shelter your baby as much as you can.

I’m so sorry you experienced this. It was always my worst fear and even when he used to use he would beg me to have a baby because he hoped that would change him. I wouldn’t until I knew he was at least a year sober and doing something even then it took me a lot to get back with him but I always loved the sober him. Nothing and no one can change someone with an addiction that’s why I left. They have to do it for themselves and even then there will always be triggers. I don’t want her thinking it’s ‘normal’ So yep I can’t be around it even me seeing it was a shock I’ve never been around drugs he’s the first person so for quite sometime I didn’t even know he used. It was his mum who told me so I asked him then I learnt more about it. It got to a point he was making me feel worthless I definitely don’t want to go through that again either.

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