Resentment towards my husband

This time last year my husband ended up in an emotional affair. It wasn’t made clear to me until February this year. We’ve both worked loads on prioritising our marriage and family and have been doing really well. Until I had a memory pop up on my phone of my husband working away last year and it’s literally dragged everything from the back of my mind to the front and I can’t stop thinking about how blind I was to it last year to the point I’ve even gone back to our chat history last year to see if anything stood out more to me. Now any little thing he does I just feel so much hate towards him. I can’t even look at him without feeling anger. I’m really emotional at the moment, moving forward I don’t know how to handle it- I’m scared to be honest with him incase he says we’ve both tried and maybe it’s time to separate. I’ve asked him to do counselling in the past and he wasn’t open to it. Or do I just face facts that I obviously haven’t been able to forgive him this whole time and just call it quits and go our separate ways? Has anyone else been able to move forward from something like this? I love him but I resent so much what he did to us as a couple and family. I trust he wouldn’t do anything again, I just feel so guilty for feeling this way after almost a year 😔

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I think that part of the problem is that YOU feel guilty for feeling this way. You have to own and validate your own emotions in order to process them and move on and heal from them. It's perfectly acceptable to be angry over what he did. However, for the relationship to love forward you have to live with process those emotions fully in order for them to heal. On the other hand, your husband should really be willing to agree to therapy to help you process this. He should be willing to do anything. I would ask him again after you explain to him how you feel.. and if he says no I personally would leave. It would make me feel that I was the only one trying.

Don't feel guilty. HIS actions made you feel this way, you have no reason whatsoever to feel guilty about how you feel. Your trust was betrayed, you have every right in the world to feel however you want to feel about things. However you should feel like you can be open and honest about your feelings and he should listen. He can't betray trust and then say "but I'm not talking about how that made you feel" if he has hurt you and you can't feel like you can speak about that as to not upset him (for his own actions) I'd be off like a shot. That's not a healthy environment or relationship. Only you can answer whether it's time to call it quits or not. Nobody can answer that for you x

I think it’s TOTALLY understandable & completely justifiable you still feel this way, I’m pretty sure I and most other women would too! In the reality of it, you found out less than a year ago and that really isn’t a very long time and we all know it takes a second to break trust but sometimes years to rebuild it (if ever) so it isn’t something that can be fixed or forgotten over night and it isn’t your sole responsibility to do so. As the other ladies said he needs to be willing to hear about how it makes you feel as it is still bothering you, and if therapy could possibly help then he should be running to book an appointment for you both! I think you have shown your strength by trying to make your marriage work but that doesn’t mean you can’t still feel a certain way about it all but the one thing you shouldn’t feel is guilt, that’s on his shoulders not yours 🫶🏼

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