Daughters dad is autistic and driving me insane

Hi I just need a bit of a rant so my daughter is 9 weeks old me and her dad have been broken up since I was about 20 weeks he said some horrible things while I was pregnant and I just gave up and moved back home. Now I make all the effort and he’s still saying some pretty shitty things but anytime I call him out he just says I can’t help it it’s my disability(autism) his family have 100% taught him that he can’t change his behaviour it’s just the way he is I want to say to him that if I’ve already told him something is hurtful to me and he still continues to do it then the autism thing feels like an excuse but I know it will just get turned around on me like always when he throws his pity party I’m just so tired of always thinking about everyone’s feeling when nobody gives a fuck about mines especially his dad who is an awful sexist racist asshole who talks to me like complete shit but that’s not his fault because he’s autistic 🙃