Not sure if I’m being selfish
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I had this with my ex and it made me extremely uncomfortable. Just the phrasing you use like ‘give in’ - it shouldn’t be like that and when i realised that everytime we did it i was giving in to avoid the backlash i just stopped doing it altogether. Obviously me and my ex had other issues which led us to splitting up (and me not wanting to be intimate in the first place) but you definitely should never feel pressured into sex or give in to avoid ‘hostile treatment’ as you say. I would have a conversation with him about how you are feeling and his reaction to that conversation will tell you all you need to know xx
How often are you intimate? If it’s once every 8+ days and that’s the only intimacy you get as a couple in any way. You might have a different issue. But you should be striving for intimacy throughout the week and sexual intimacy multiple times a week. Try initiating date nights hugs kisses or sex and more conversations around it see if anything changes
@Ellie-May I do think you should be trying to have sex with your husband. And I think she probably needs more intimacy in all areas. Most couples when lacking intimacy (sexual or not) struggle. What counts as hostile is it that he’s in a mood is it that he feels rejected/neglected. Does he just not jump when she says how high because he is feeling disconnected. There’s more to the conversation than just I’m not sleeping with my husband and he’s acting grumpy with me. The solution to we’re having trouble when my husband wants to have sex should not be withholding all sex. It should be figuring out how to create more intimacy so you want to have sex. Do you need an hour to read a book in a bubble bath do you need him to build up to intimacy throughout the evening do you need a date night. But definitely should be creating intimacy and sleeping with your partner.
@Ellie-May unless you just don’t wanna be with them.
I see what Jenneca is saying. I relate to the poster because my husband is also a physical touch person. It has taken YEARS of reminding him that my love language is words of affirmation and him swearing when frustrated or the way he asks questions can come off to me much differently and shut me down physically. That said, he is my husband and I love him and even with zero sex drive post partum I made sure we had sex at least once a week because he feels most loved in that way. There is compromise but he has to he willing to work toward what you need. Have you told him you feel that way and made a suggestion how to help?
@Jenneca how in the world? My SO works nights and I work days and we have 4 kids. We never do it. Maybe once every 6 months 😓
This was one of the biggest reasons for my divorce. I had to walk on egg shells in my own home. That’s not okay. I would get the silent treatment , breaking things, talking shit about me to others. I got his wrath if I “didn’t give in”. Huge red flag.
@Ellie-May @Audra it’s not just about sex. If you read what I said I definitely mentioned other forms of intimacy as well it is the key to having a positive loving relationship. Also saying hostile does not tell me what he’s doing. She didn’t say breaking things just that he wanted her to give in. I have an amazing relationship based on communication compassion empathy for eachother and because of those things we have a great sex life. Of course there are times we may need to get in the mood to want it. But as a whole we prioritize each others emotional spiritual and always sexual needs. And we communicate about the needs we have to meet that goal together. Because we want to be together we want to love each other and meet each others needs.
@Ellie-May again she never said what hostile means. And my main advise it to figure out what you need from him so that you want to have sex with him and make sure you’re finding other forms of intimacy regularly to encourage the health of your relationship. If it’s only every 8 days he’s asking and he’s always having to fight for it I’m sure there are other things missing in this relationship. And they need to figure out what. They need to communicate what they both need to get to that point. But if you and your partner want to be together you should be finding ways to prioritize eachother including in your sex life. When one person feels neglected or rejected in a relationship it will cause hostility and distance between eachother. And as inappropriate as it may sound I know I have much less attitude with my husband and all of those around me when I’m properly loved and laid. So unless there are examples of said hostility other than avoidance I am gonna assume this is a
@Ellie-May communication and intimacy issue. Exacerbated by lack of physical intimacy
@Ellie-May I never said it was her fault. I said they need to work on their intimacy. And having sex isn’t just about giving in or bending to his will. It’s about the health of the relationship. You think he’s throwing a tantrum I think there’s more to it and they need to talk. You are only blaming him. Girls are not the only ones who can feel resentment in their relationship. None of my advice has been harsh or bad. It prioritizes making sure her needs are being met so that she wants to meet what should be their needs. I will always advocate for finding a healthy way to create intimacy with your partner and meet the sexual needs in your relationship
Also it is childish to think that you shouldn’t be meeting your partners sexual needs within reason
We're having the same issue, the only time he shows any kind of physical intimacy like giving me a kiss or a cuddle is when he wants it to lead somewhere. Just makes me not want to have sex tbh.