Having a hard time forgiving myself.

I’m having a really hard time processing the relationship I have with my child’s father. He treated me terribly while pregnant and now. I moved away from him recently after 3 months of my baby being born. As I’m alone with her I can’t stop analyzing and processing all the horrible things that were said and done and I’m so angry with myself for staying. The signs were there since the beginning. I should have left him a long time ago. We were friends for 8 years then tried dating this past year and it all went downhill. It’s like I kept looking for who I was friends with but he wasn’t him anymore. I hate talking to him , seeing him , dealing with him visiting the baby. Idk I needed to vent because I feel like I’m still in the abusive relationship since I can’t stop thinking about it. Like this literally keeps me up all night just stuck in my head analyzing and feeling shame. He’s fine living his life not a care in the world. Like why can’t I do that? I just want to move on and fall in love with myself again.