Having a hard time forgiving myself.
I’m having a really hard time processing the relationship I have with my child’s father. He treated me terribly while pregnant and now. I moved away from him recently after 3 months of my baby being born. As I’m alone with her I can’t stop analyzing and processing all the horrible things that were said and done and I’m so angry with myself for staying. The signs were there since the beginning. I should have left him a long time ago. We were friends for 8 years then tried dating this past year and it all went downhill. It’s like I kept looking for who I was friends with but he wasn’t him anymore. I hate talking to him , seeing him , dealing with him visiting the baby. Idk I needed to vent because I feel like I’m still in the abusive relationship since I can’t stop thinking about it. Like this literally keeps me up all night just stuck in my head analyzing and feeling shame. He’s fine living his life not a care in the world. Like why can’t I do that? I just want to move on and fall in love with myself again.
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You will find peace again it is still fresh it seems and you have a lot of things to process. It’s actually really good that you are taking the time to process and not jumping into new relationships or burying it in your past. It will help prepare you for your future. I will suggest don’t just ruminate alone… have someone you feel safe with to talk to. Because it can be helpful just to have someone listen to you process everything. It is always darkest before dawn. 💝
Just remember that if you had listened to the signs, you wouldn’t have your child. Try to hold onto that silver lining 🖤 You’re so strong and you will find happiness & self love again !!
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Hey I don’t really have much advice but I’m for sure going through the same. It’s not easy having to coparent w someone u can’t stand . Also when they have more freedom and feels like they just come and go when they please.