Is this a mental illness or just a form of abuse!

My baby’s dad is slightly insane and I don’t know if it’s an illness he has or he’s trying to make me go mad! I have offered food to him multiple times a day and he says no. For some background information as a young child he was starved by the person who brought him up and then when he went into care as a teenager he wasn’t given food for days/weeks in end so his relationship with food is very poor. I still just don’t understand this, I buy food specifically for him, I offer to make him lunch at least 3 times a day. It gets to around 5/6pm and he starts saying I don’t let him eat, it’s my fault he’s so skinny, I make him feel guilty for eating, I will moan if he eats, hasn’t eaten all day because of me. I have absolutely no idea where this comes from because I constantly ask him if he wants me to make food. Same with if I go out to family’s or stay at my mums and I come home he hasn’t eaten a thing and his excuse is well I’m not going to cook a whole meal just for me. I cannot win here I would go shopping and spent over £100 just for food that he likes and he still won’t eat it. I feel like I’m going insane. Is this an eating disorder? He is the fussiest person I know. I don’t know what to do.

Show your support

Definitely seems like a deeper routed problem, like you said possible an eating disorder especially with the past trauma. That’s completely out of your control and there isn’t much more you can do than what your already doing, maybe mention to him about speaking to a professional about it all or ask family If they can help or give him some advice (easier said then done I know) hope things get better for you!❤️

Definitely sounding like he’s developed an eating disorder. If he’s open to it I’d take him to see a specialist so he can learn healthy eating habits especially since he’s gone thru multiple instances of food deprivation. I wouldn’t take it personal

He definitely suffers from disordered eating, likely as a result of his abuse, as you have described. Ultimately you can’t fix that for him. He has to do that work in therapy. As a supportive partner, maybe try talking to him about it. Maybe cooking meals together, having a family picnic, or a romantic dinner can help him have more positive experiences with food and eating. You could try a new restaurant once a month, or try new cultural foods together. It wasn’t broken overnight and won’t fix overnight, but he has to learn that food isn’t a form of punishment or abuse. It is nourishment, connection, and art.

He’s victimizing himself. You need to just stop feeding into it. Continue to offer him food, but when he says no. Just leave it at that. And if he blames you, just say okay. You know that you’re not starving him, and he’s a grown ass man. If he’s hungry he can make himself some food or go get some. You’re not his mother

It could be his trauma but also.. I’d say: instead of offering to make food, just make it. You don’t need his consent to cook or not to cook. Just make it a daily habit. If he sees a plate full of homemade food I’m sure he won’t say no. X

‌

‌
‌

‌

‌
‌

‌

‌
‌

‌

‌
‌

‌

‌
‌

‌

‌
‌