in Mamas with depression, anxiety, and other mental health disorders

Mums being difficult?

I know a lot of people have issues with MILs, but somehow mine is with my own mother. My partners mum (we're not married but i shall call her MIL in this for continuity and understanding), has been nothing but wonderful my entire pregnancy. My own mother acts as though i barely exist. She messages in when theres been a scan and thats about it. Im currently 31 weeks, and had to have a chat with her early on in my pregnancy about this specific issue and she said she wasnt doing it on purpose, she was just busy when i messaged and then forgot that i'd messaged at all so it turned into literally weeks before she'd get back to me and numerous messages from me in that time. She got better at replying for a time, even if it was just a quick emoji response, it helped. But the last... 2 months or so? Shes gone back to I dont exist. She popped up this week because it was both mine and my partners birthdays, and we also had a 4D scan booked. She popped up on my birthday to ask me if id thought about the Family Album app to share images of my son with my family. Im quite happy to share photos with people separately and actually have discussions with people who care? Ive shared the images from every scan with her so far, and all i get in response is some blue heart emojis. Even the 4D scan, our first actual glance at what our son could probably look like.. more blue hearts. Even my dad calls me more often than my mother texts me, and he's actually dreadful with his phone. He hates texting. But he calls regularly to see whats going on and to have a random chat about whatever comes to mind. (He's usually at work while he does so aswell, but he's always done that). My MIL is the complete opposite. Will pop up every few days if shes been busy to ask how we're all doing (yes, sometimes i will pop up to her instead, im not that horrible). And we'll have conversations that can last all day. Shes an absolute angel, and shes done so much for us since we found out about baby. This has only happened purely since i've been pregnant. She never used to do this beforehand. My dad tells me that my mum never stops talking about becoming a grandma, but then i dont even get a conversation with her when im the one making her a grandmother? I tried calling her the other week, and she said she had to go not long after cause she was doing some washing... After injuring her ankle quite severely actually, about an hour earlier.. One big thing that really upset me with her. About three weeks after we found out about my pregnancy, I was informed my cousin was also pregnant (further along than me, she gave birth at the end of October). And from the moment i found out about her pregnancy, i felt bitter about it all. Like my son wasnt a priority anymore. (Apparently my mum had only just found aswell so fine). But still. She didnt seem to understand why i was upset. And then when my cousin gave birth, i found out, it was also a baby boy, which put me suuuuuuper on edge cause we'd told my family about the name we had picked out for our son but my mum wouldnt tell me what my cousins lil boys name was... Two weeks later, and three times i asked about my cousins health and what her sons name was, and i get 'oh i thought id told you, his name is .....' -errr no you didnt. Check your messages. But thanks for letting my anxiety cause panic attacks, and crying fits thinking id have to change my sons name after knowing about it for months when my cousin didnt know the gender til her son was even born.. Thanks mum. (My extended family are not the closest btw and because i live quite far away from my immediate family, it seems like i am never told anything until it becomes absolutely necessary) Somehow i just feel like she doesnt care, or just forgets that i exist. Even my partner has noticed that she's just not got any enthusiasm. And bless him, hes trying to put me at ease so i dont start hating people in my family. But i just cant help it when this happens. One of my siblings is the same but then again, shes not a big fan of children in general, so im not as bitter towards her (even though she super duper loves her best friends kids, but we wont get into that... Today) Am i in the wrong for feeling like this or am i just being overdramatic?

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I probably skipped a bit I didn't read it all but this is similar to me. However since the birth of the little girl (nearly 7 months old) my mum is there for me a LOT more than MIL. (MIL in reference to partners mum we're not married) Initially MIL would offer to take us to appointments and wanted to know what she could buy for us to make sure we had thing for baby and was genuinely there to help us. My mum works full time and occasionally does 7 day weeks plus taxis my brother too and from work for most of his shifts. She would give emoji as replies to scans and maybe a thumbs up to a question. Now my little girl is here my mum bends over backwards for me and MIL keeps her distance before complaining that me and my partner don't put the effort in tk see her. My partner works Monday-Friday and goes to the gym 4 days a week after work so the only time we get to spend together is at the weekend. I makes plans during the week and am always busy doing something so I don't get time to message everyone 24/7

MIL doesn't work and is usually sitting at home watching TV. She could easily put in the effort. It doesn't help that when I do go see her she makes ride comments towards me. Last time it was about getting rid of my dog who's helped massive with my mentor health just because he's a chewer. At the end of it (sorry about the rant) people do change when there's a baby and some times if good and some times it's bad

I dont blame you for skipping a fair bit tbf. I realised after posting, it was like an essay. 😬 But thats actually quite helpful (for me anyway), but rubbish for you! Like, lovely that you had your MILs help while pregnant, but suddenly baby is here and you have even less time on your hands with a newborn, now and infant, youre expected to do all the work to maintain a relationship with her? And being rude when you do make the trip to hers aswell, is simply not on? And trying to push away a doggo?! For a habit that all dogs have i think? Thats just rude and disrespectful. Youve given her a granddaughter. Possibly the greatest gift for anyone, in my opinion anyway. Your mum however. Fair. Kudos to her though for being involved with you and your daughter! I get that she'd have been too busy to be spending alllll her time fawning over her upcoming grandbaby working sometimes 7 days a week?! (Like how is she not exhausted permanently, there honestly?). I dont understand people anymore... +

+ But thank you. Youre right, people can change. I just dont understand how the addition of a baby could make people change in a negative way. It doesnt make sense to me. :/

@Amy it's been a challenging year in many ways as with the first granddaughter on his side and first gand baby on my side she's quite special to everyone but some put more of an effort in. Chewing is a bog this but this dog is an excessive chewer. I'm.hoping it's a hormonal chewing and when he's old enough to get his bits done (at 18 month... 10 more months to go) it'll supside. Some people do change better than others and it's possible your mum isn't quite ready for the change but as soon as baby gets here it'll be like baby had always been here. I've forgotten what life is like without my little girl but I wouldn't change it for the world

Oh yeah same situation here. First on both sides. And possibly only, none of our siblings ever want any, and if things go anywhere but swimmingly with our lil boy, we might not want any more either. Awh! Hes still a little puppy too! Poor thing could be still kind of teething maybe? And yeah thats possible actually. Doesnt help that neither of our families are physically close. His parents are in France and mine are in North England (We're in Wales). We did go and see his parents in August cause the holiday was planned before we knew about baby. And we're going to my parents' for Christmas. But outside of that, no-ones seen me, my partner or bump, in order to kind of solidify it? Both my mum and MIL get weekly bump pics cause belly is huuuuuuge at this point while i dont necessarily FEEL huge. Just difficult to move sometimes. 😂. Last time i saw my mum, i was my not pregnant (last christmas). Next time i see her, ill be whale sized. So the difference might kick it in for her maybe?

Sorry you’re going through this :-(

No need to be sorry. You've done nothing wrong. I just felt the need to vent so badly. Pregnancy is a very emotional time, and i dont have many outlets for venting since i got rid of social media, so figured more people might understand on here instead. ❤️ Thank you, all the same though. I do appreciate it.

I couldn't get through all of it ill admit! I do think you're overreacting a little ill be honest. My mum didn't message me on a weekly basis when I was pregnant, as what is there for me to tell? Ah yes mum, acid reflux still being a bitch...on repeat each time..I knew she was there though if I wanted to talk to her

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