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The situation you’re in is really difficult the way you’re feeling is completely normal. Like above have you been signposted to any services that might help you and your LO. I used to work for action for children they run lots of projects up and down the country that support ASN children and their parents. Could you tap into anything like that for a bit of support? As for your partner I think a chat about how much it’s affecting you and what he can do to better support you is needed. I hope you and your LO both get the support you need 💖💖
Are you Uk based and where? as I found the earlybird course quite useful. They talk a lot about icebergs and what is underneath it. Also when is she lashing out? Is there a pattern? Is it anxiety related or being overstimulated? At that age we did visual timetables. Behaviour does change and evolve x
You definitely have every right to be struggling in a situation like this. What kind of support is she receiving? Are there maybe some groups you can talk to in your area? Such as charities. Also your gp should be able to refer you for therapy. There are some groups of mum with children with autism and other disorders here.