Advice for new military spouse/couple
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-Don't be supportive of friends who make comments about cheating or sleeping around. Peers have a big impact. - You shouldn't have any issues if your relationship is good and are together often. -If he leaves for long periods on deployment is the only time I would be worried. Just talk about it before he goes and try to be in his life as much as possible. Ask if he needs anything while he's away to help him if he gets horny while you're gone. *My husband and I are both in the military. I see what the guys talk about while at work. *
People say a lot of things to judge, especially because civilians don't understand military life style. It's a completely different life style. They don't know your relationship. Yes it's common but it depends on how your husband is.
@Iesha yeah I definitely believe cheaters will cheat regardless of the circumstances or job. And I definitely will look for those groups! I heard there’s so much support for spouses which I love
@Kalyn yes one thing I love about military culture is when you find your people they will go to bat for you. Take advantage of travel opportunities, build your community for when he goes TDY and deploys, and enjoy the benefits lol
@Brianna yes deployments are one thing I’m really worried about. I always heard it’s very easy to cheat because you’re separated for so long 🫠
@Amaura yeah I agree people do judge a lot. My husband doesn’t seem like the type to cheat at all, just hate the idea of more like him confiding in someone else who “understands the lifestyle better” like another female soldier and then emotionally cheating 😅 I know these fears are dumb but they’ve popped into my head lol
My husband is Marine Corps. I think the rate of infidelity in the military could in fact be higher because of two things: 1.) deployments. People are separated from each other and it gets tempting 2.) people marry younger on average. Lots of people marry before or right after Bootcamp and are barely allowed to legally drink. Divorce rates are also higher. So theres all that. But. The military has amazing resources. Like free couples counseling, free workshops on how to adapt to the military life etc. And it's very easy to make friends in my experience. So there's really pros and cons.
@Susie oh well that definitely sucks😭but I’m going to try to keep my spirits high and have faith especially when he’s given me no reason to doubt. Thank you!
I highly suggest you prepare for 1.) For me, if and when my husband deploys I'll be taking lots of spicy videos with him beforehand so he has something to look at 😂 just an idea 😁
@Susie DEFINITELY doing that 😭😂
Hahahaha you go girl!
My mother (prior military and a serial cheater) kept trying to convince me my husband was cheating on me while he was in tech school. But communication is key. He got to his first duty station in August 2023 and I moved here in September 2023, then we got married April 2024 (we’d been together over a year). He has never ever even thought about cheating on me. It’s not the military that makes them cheat, it’s the person themselves
@Jasmine my mom is the exact same way. She keeps saying “he’s going to be a completely different man when he comes out, you need to be prepared for your marriage to struggle.” I’m just like why are u even talking rn LMAOO it’s so sad them trying to put thoughts into our heads like that, but I think my husband will be the same! I’m being as hopeful as I can be
@Kalyn you’ve got this!! One distinct example I remember is her asking why we weren’t calling and I said “oh he’s at the gym he goes for 2-3 hours a day” and she called bs so I pulled up find my iPhone and there he was. At the gym😂😂😂
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@Jasmine you guys give me faith!! Okay my delusions have calmed down a little bit, at least for today 😛
@Kalyn It's completely valid. He might even come home and tell you stories of his buddies cheating because its just common when couples are apart for so long. Please have a talk with him about boundaries. It might seem silly or like common sense but some people view cheating differently. Talk about what you deem emotionally cheating or physically cheating. What are you ok with a friend of the opposite sex doing or not doing? If the anxiety gets bad, ask for a location app just for reassurance. People are always going to talk, but again you know your husband the best. DO NOT STAY IF HE CHEATS (if he ever does) 💕💕
@Amaura definitely had a bunch of those talks, just hope things done all of a sudden change. And definitely won’t. I may be paranoid but I’m not stupid his ass is GONE if he cheats in any way 😂thank you though so much
Know that it will be hard, but find hobbies to do, keep yourself busy! You have to get over the mental wall that’s keeping you thinking he may cheat. Anyone no matter their job will can cheat. If he hasn’t then there’s no reason to believe he would now.
Be there to visit him immediately after he's done with basic training! If you can visit him in tech school, do that. They finish that time hard up and hard as a rock and the physical urge is probably greatest then.
Truthfully, and lot of times it's just rumors started by the FRG. Because military life is different there is a closer relationship between those who serve together. The amount of times I'd come back from deployment to accusations from the wives at home that I was trying to steal their man was insane. At one point, I got authorization to skip the welcome home ceremony because the accusations were so insane.
1/2 of a dual military couple here! My husband is currently deployed. It really does come down to keeping yourself busy, "an idle mind is the devils playground". Trust your partner until they legitimately give you something not to trust. The literal best way to support your partner is to make sure you let him know how well you're able to handle stuff back home whatever the circumstances might be! Your own resilience is just as important as his! When you send him a letter let him know about any of the hard stuff you've handled you don't need (shouldn't need to) hide any struggles you're having, but let him know what you're doing to overcome those. Ex: I've been feeling really lonely while you've been gone but I made time to reach out to friends and family to spend time together, went to the movies, treated myself to a massage, etc etc!
Thing is military or not relationships can have a lot of drama unfortunately mainly infidelity. My husband has been a marine for 6 years. It can be hard because I know his past and he was quite the eye candy and he knew lol. Learn to build trust and maybe have a way to prove to each other that nothing is going on. Ironically I had to leave due to a family emergency so I’m Currently in Colombia for three months and he had to stay back. I was a bit worried, but I got over it quick because I was overworking myself over “what it’s”.. we FaceTime when we can and I’m currently pregnant so I know he’s anxiously waiting to know if it’s our girl since we already have a son. Military or not if he wanted to cheat he would. The time away helps us so we don’t become codependent and makes us want to bond more. Also I wanted to be a navy officer back in the day and I remember the last thing on my mind was men. It’s hard, but if he’s given you every reason to trust him then don’t ruin 🫶🏼till otherwise
The military doesn’t make u cheat. I hate when people say that. I wouldn’t dare cheat on my husband and I know he feels the same. If there’s no reason not to trust ur husband then don’t overthink it. Besides being in training status is kinda impossible for him to step out on u. Just trust ur husband and everything will be fine
@Katie lmao this is the one 😭 my first deployment this lady found my ig cause she thought I had a thing for her husband and I’m like ma’am ur husband is ugly 😭 I’m in a male dominant unit so I mostly hang around the males and accusations are insane 😂
@Jody, yeah 15 years aviation, 10 years flight crew. I always was with the dudes and we were as close as siblings. The wives were insane.
Military or not, people cheat. There is a huge stigma about infidelity in the military (I’m AF as well) but it could happen to anyone. Don’t lose trust in your relationship based on the things you’ve heard. There are spouse groups on FB that you can join and also his unit might have a Key Spouse that you can reach out to. Stay involved and ask him how you can support him but also let him know how he can support you as well. It is definitely a huge life adjustment especially when you start to bring kids in the picture but you will adjust! When he gets to his first base, go to the military family readiness center or you can use military one source for support