Trying to hold it together with BD

My BD and I have a 4month old, our communication has become so poor. We are living apart for the second time in our 4year relationship because we just can’t communicate. He blames me for all of our issues and never takes accountability. So everytime he gets frustrated about something he will talk at length about how I am the problem, he wants me to sympathise and show empathy but I’m so irritated by it that I’m quite cold in my responses or remind him of his actions which contributed to mine. He then feels hurt by my response and proceeds to call me a fat c**t and replaceable and all of the names under the sun. My emotional state can’t take it anymore so I get angry and argue. Can I work on my listening to show more empathy or learn to not react to the names so that he feels heard and less reactive to get him to stop calling me names. Stopping contact isn’t really an option because of the baby and he is very controlling so it’s difficult to put in boundaries such as visit days, he wants us to stay with him everyday and if I need to go home for a few days I’m told how I’m a shitty mum or I’m selfish because I see the baby daily but he does not. I want to repair the communication so we can eventually live together again.

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Wow. I'm so sorry you have to go through somebody talking to you like that. No one deserves it especially not somebody that you love and have a baby with because at the end of the day you still love this person that's why you're even trying to fix it but they think it's OK to talk to you and any kind of way accuse you and make you be the problem when really they're the problem and they want to be the victim I hate name-calling. It was one of the first things I said I didn't like. You may need to go to like couples counseling to fix the communication to maybe see where he's at fault but even that sometimes men run away from because they feel like they don't have any problems, but you can try and Say it's just for our communication so that way it doesn't seem like it's to pick on him

you should absolutely NOT have to change what you are doing so that he will stop calling you foul names. THAT is the first behavior that absolutely needs to stop. there is absolutely no excuse for it and if he isn't willing to stop with that, then he doesn't actually want your communication to improve, he just wants you to submit. it sounds like he wants you to stay with him because he realizes that you have the option to leave, but he doesn't want you to realize it. he wants you to "sympathize or have empathy" but I'm willing to bet that means taking "accountability" (aka the blame) for anything that goes wrong. he's being a manipulative bully and you really do need to set boundaries and conditions or else he'll keep treating you this way. if you change nothing, then nothing will change.

Thank you so much ladies for your response x

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