Losing friends after having children

I could have written this post. I am going to be seeing one of my friends this weekend who I haven't seen since August. She didn't invite me & my husband out for her new fiance's birthday in October, even though they went out for a meal in our hometown, but they invited my sister & brother-in-law, so I'm going to be having a word with her about why I haven't seen her for months & why we weren't invited out in October. I didn't see her & another one of our friends between August & December last year either, so I'm basically going to ask her why & if I can expect the same treatment every year. Because I'm not scared to call people out anymore. I saw her more when my little boy was a baby & he is now 2 and a half. If anything, I thought it would be the other way around. I think you should ask why you weren't invited out the weekend of your birthday because that is not nice at all. X

I'm the opposite - I'd rather be invited to brunch than leave my family for a weekend. Talk to your friends about it because they could very well think they're respecting your new title of Mom. None of my friends had kids before me so they just assumed I didn't want to go out anymore. I talked with them and told them I still want to be invited so I have the chance to say yes. I can't say yes if I'm not invited in the first place! It's gotten a lot better now that I've spoken up

This is so relatable! Absolutely yes this has been a big thing for me. I feel like if I don’t go see them that I’ll never see them. Even the friends without babies. It’s been really sad and hard for me.

Message me any time if you ever need to vent or want to talk about it

It’s almost like a automatically thing. As soon as you have a big life changing event in life, you loose friends. As soon as my daughter was born, I stopped hearing from many people who was even still around at the baby party.

It happens. Friends sometimes neglect their mum friends. And sometimes the mum stops being friends with their mates who don’t have kids. It’s a sad phenomenon that happens a lot

I would tell them how you're feeling. Otherwise they won't know and things won't improve. It's difficult if you've not had kids to understand what it's like, so i would give them the benefit of the doubt, especially if you want to keep them as friends. Friendships do require effort from both sides, so if you still find they don't make the effort for you despite you making effort for them it might be time to consider if the friendship has run its course. It's really sad, but an unfortunate fact with any life event as someone else said. Eg moving away, leaving school/uni, getting a new relationship etc. Perhaps your time is better spent cultivating new friendships for this new stage of your life, but don't give up on your old friends yet- give them a chance to do better!

I found it weird. Like I only have a few close friends but they all live quite far away anyway. As I had my baby quite late in life all my friends were (and still are) childless, some by choice, some not. I feel bad around the ones that can't have kids even though they seem ok and supportive, and the ones childless by choice I used to go on adventure holidays with but now that has come to an end I feel like they chat a lot less now, almost like they don't know what to say any more and feel like they are a bit gutted we won't be going on any big adventures any time soon (having a little one was a big enough one for me for the time being!) I'm still meeting up with them every so often but it doesn't feel the same... Trying to make new mum friends but it's really hard! So just trying to make the most of my little family really and focussing on that 💜