Thoughts please.

I don’t think you’re selfish you are going by your life experience and being honest with your mum. But really think about your child and if you think it would be good for him/ her. I believe having a dysfunctional family comes down to the parents upbringing and how much values you teach your kids. That’s my thought! X

I can see both sides - My sister has her own issues and no one quite understands them, but she has no interest in my children to the point I won't even hear from her when my current one is born. She wouldn't check in with me even if the delivery was to result in something major happening, which I'm just accepting of and it would be a lot easier to be an only child. However, my 4 and 2 year olds are so close that I am really pleased I gave my oldest a sibling. I hope they'll always be close, but recognise this might not be the case. She is benefiting from having a sibling at this age, but a different child may not have been so bothered.

Sounds like you have 2 children already if I understood your post correctly? Three is harder in my experience, you don’t need anyone’s permission to say your family is complete

I have a sister who is 2.5 years younger than me. We get on, but we’ve never been close. We’re very different people. Growing up, I always wanted two kids because I believed the hype about kids needing the company and it helping them to share. Then I met my partner, who is an only child. He is *far* better than me at relationships with other people, had closer friendships than I’ve ever managed to develop, and is the most conscientious sharer ever. He claims it was because growing up he was so desperate for friends that he wanted to do things that would mean people liked him. He’s not a people pleaser by any means (whereas I am), but it meant that he learnt how to share and how to make good friendships, all without a sibling to teach him. It has really made me question whether or not id have another kid. If it happens or my mind changes, then fine…but right now, I can definitely see me being happy with the one!

not selfish at all ... I have one elder sister and I love her so much plus we get along really well now (no jinx) ~ but it hasn't been like that always, especially when we were younger? I don't think that she even cared I existed at some point 😅 Plus I see my parents' families with 4-6 siblings or my cousins and wider family with many many siblings involved and things get messy! from my point of view but for them it could be normal or for some people it could be nothing and something even enjoyable! your experience is your experience and your mum had a chance to have her choice and had more than one baby... now it's your life, your choice and there's no right or wrong way how and what you decide on 🙂‍↕️

I think she was being defensive and slightly attacked (depending on the words used) hence her reaction. I think growing up kids do benefit from having siblings however as adults we do naturally grow further apart with our own lives and families.

Sorry to hear that’s been your experience. Personally I love having siblings. We had lots of fun as kids and we love each other even more now as adults, it’s like having a group of best mates. I can’t imagine having an only child myself. I think your own children can have a very different experience to you, probably depends on a lot of factors.

It’s your body and your choice if you want more children. I was never close to my siblings and we don’t talk now I was never bothered about having more after my first. But now I’m about to have my third. I know my son won’t be close to my other two as there is an 11 year age gap.

It’s up to you to teach them the value of family. Just because you are like that with your siblings and vice versa does not mean your kids will be the same. That’s really up to you and their own upbringing because you’re not your mother or father either. I don’t think you’re selfish, I think you’re speaking out of disappointment and upset because deep down inside you probably do want a relationship with them ( in just assuming), but it’s also important for you to let go of that grudge and realize that everyone has lives and everyone lives their lives different. If you want another baby go for it!

I would say no you’re not selfish, I have a similar situation with my siblings so I feel where you are coming from. I don’t see it as pointless, just unfortunate. But I also think your mom is right because I’ve seen other families with siblings who are actually friends and like each other lol. I have 3 boys and this is my wish for them, that they’ll always have each other.

I do think it's a childish thing to say lol, just my opinion. My mom had 5 kids, I have 2 estranged half siblings, 1 deceased, & 1 full that I'm extremely close to, like take a bullet for. It's definitely dysfunctional but I'm grateful for everything I've learned from each one. Anyways, i can see how she'd be offended that you wish she didn't have her other children bc it's not ideal to u lol. Sounds like something my 7 yr old would say ya know.

@Tiffany yes this is the reason I feel pressured to have another as there’s a 10 year age gap between my eldest and youngest x

@Anon I appreciate your opinion but I don’t think it’s childish I was just honest. You don’t understand my family so I’d rather you didn’t judge.

Mum got offended because she sees her children not talking or being close as a personal attack on her own parenting. In my opinion, it is more selfish to bring another child into the world without thinking about the effect it will have on you and your existing child. It is not selfish to have one child. I know a lot of adults who have siblings and cannot share!

It's not your mom's choice tbh, children with siblings still can make them selfish😒

Telling your mom you wish you were an only child sounds a little selfish, and you had siblings, so there you go. The most important thing is for a child to be wholeheartedly wanted, and that's not you right now, so enjoy your only and leave your mom out of it.

I see your point but honestly I’m so close to my sisters that I also think if it’s a good relationship there is nothing better than having siblings to grow up with. At some stage when parents are gone they will be the only family left to me. Also if you think about the reasons why you aren’t close to siblings could that be something you could assist with/rectify for your own children so they were closer as they grew up? Obviously having another baby is completely your choice though and there is nothing wrong with being an only child but if the only thing that puts you off is your own relationship with your siblings then you may want to consider the alternative which is them having a family bond for life - I only speak from my experiences.

Erm she needs to get out her feelings and recognise yours. 1. You’re allowed to be selfish if that’s what she wants to call you voicing how you feel. You have feelings about your experience. Solo experience. She put you in that situation but it’s not her fault. She’s taking it all to heart and being selfish in doing so. She should be open to hearing your opinion. You are well within your right to voice how you feel. I’m an only child and spoilt rotten. I have empathy and share/give a lot without thinking to do so. But - I like things the way I like them and don’t want to Compromise. I’d rather be without a partner than put up with one that makes my plans harder to achieve. I’m used to getting my own way so I’d rather live in harmony - with myself and my daughter. I am keen to prove through my daughter that it’s possible to having someone be an Only child and used to compromise and sharing etc It’s possible - it’s all down to home training. No one should be forced to share a room.

I see both sides, I don’t speak to my sister because she is just weird. But my mum also bought us into this world so I know it hurts her that we don’t speak. It doesn’t matter if people speak or not every personality is different, but I also know a lot of only children who wish they had siblings whether they speak or not.