Do you actually need help postpartum?
Show your support
Again, you don't need to accept their help, but it can be a lot in the first couple of weeks and there's might be ways you can accept their help but not go crazy...
Jot down a list of things that you’d want help with (groceries, cleaning, laundry, etc), and get your partner on board to reinforce. Your only “job” is to take care of baby while everyone else takes care of you. Consider a postpartum doula if family support is lacking.
We have in-laws staying with us until end of January obstensibky to help out but we end up having a ton of conflicts & stress instead - it’s actually been the most constant/ consistent difficult thing for me about 🤰+🤱etc .. if we had a different relationship or I was not so shy and needing personal space to feel at all safe (we’re 5 ppl in a tiny 2 bedroom) it would be completely different - there’s also so much that I intended to do to make it easier/ better for us that I can’t do bc they are here - I feel so guilty bc a lot of ppl have no support even “🐻 help” but it’s been so bad for me I’m now terrified to have more children 😭— ironically the other side of in-laws (his parents are divorced) are wonderfully helpful & we have great relation but they are not the ones living with us tho close — basically I’d say it entirely depend on your need for personal space in vulnerable times & how chill & comfortable a relationship (esp esp communication wise) you have with whoever is there
It’s either the best thing or worst — tho maybe there’s an in between as well 🤷♀️ tbh I think this isn’t really something anyone outside of your circle can advise you on beyond giving their personal experience bc so much of it is dependent on your own personal needs
@Lesya exactly, I feel like they’ll just be in the way and annoy me. But I don’t want to be rude and turn down help. So far I know she won’t cook or grocery shop. And she drinks starting at exactly 5pm (brings her own wine). So I’m like is it worth stress for someone to clean my dishes and do a load of laundry. Can’t my partner just do that
@Manuela is she going to help with the baby or with your own recovery at all ?
If it's your first child, I wouldn't recommend having anyone there because it can cause stress. I'm sure you will figure it out. I regretted having family in town, I felt obligated to host and did a lot more then I should've. Also, some ppl don't understand there will be a learning curve and push all of their unsolicited opinions and suggestions on what to do because they haven't had kids in decades. Many things have changed since then. I would suggest giving yourself a couple of weeks on your own and then invite family to help if you happen to become overwhelmed.
It's just going to be my husband and I. I wouldn't want anyone else around until later. I want us to settle in with our baby.
My mil was just here all week. Stayed with us. She helped. Mostly kept the kitchen clean but also entertained my toddler a lot. Having her stay here was a lot. My mom also spent the day over here helping. She left at nap time. I was so ready for her to go. She was helpful. It’s just really hard having to share your space. If they can stay somewhere else I think having a helping hand is good.
No you don’t need their help if they’re just going to make you feel overwhelmed.. yes it’s hard the first weeks but you got this, many moms do it by themselves
Help can be really good but sometimes it is not in the form we need or stressful. (I would have run into this with my mom. I loved her deeply, but she stressed me out to the max) So, set boundaries. This about what you might need and talk it out ahead of time. If you mil can do dishes, clean laundry etc, that's pretty helpful. You need to make clear that you aren't hosting. She is going to be there with you in your bathrobe and slippers, or not even that. And maybe set a time limit. The important thing if you do accept her help is that you aren't hosting. You could also ask her to stay in a hotel or Airbnb if that's an option so that you house has a little breathing room and you have a little space. You can also say no, but these might be helpful things to think about. For your mom, at least she's nearby and wouldn't be staying. If you do accept her help, think about having her come over at a set time for an hour or two so you can take a nap. Or take baby for a walk so you can have a breather.