in Sex and Relationships with Railey Molinario

Is sex divorce worthy?

Apart from many things not being the same at the start of marriage, my husband kept his obsession of sex quiet. After 5 years of marriage, he finally spoke about it. Only issue is, I really don't think I can keep up to it. He wants sex every day, and expects it. Since opening up about his sexual fantasies, he has made his entire personality and conversation and all about it. He loses sleep because he is so excited about the prospects of our new sex life. He even fell asleep at work because he stays up until 5am just searching for tools etc. He wants BDSM, he wants me to be dom. I prefer it to me being submissive, but I absolutely do not enjoy our relationship to be only about sex. I tried communicating my needs, which are trips and museums and parks and dates and he said its unbalanced. I told him that sex everyday doing only what he wants compared to a museum twice a year is unbalanced. I get nothing from this. Even though I'm dom, he can't sexually please me and hasn't made me orgams and finds me too difficult to please. I genuinely don't care about sex. But now, we are doing it 2h+ a night and I quite literally have lost any identity for myself. From 6am-7pm I am a mother only, looking after LO and cleaning and cooking. Then it's get washes and from 8-10 sometimes 12am everything is about him. I don't like it. I feel like I should divorce and be happy alone, because this is not fun for me. I want to live life, experience the world, experience creativity and everything that we actually built this relationship on that I thought he liked. But, turns out he just likes sex and watching movies and doing nothing else. He thinks I'd be excited by this, but I'm really not. The tools do nothing for me. They're all for him and his fantasy. I find it boring. My biggest worry is, he is going to not perform well at work and lose his job, he only talks about sex (nothing else), his obsession might turn into addiction, and when I don't want it he will possibly look else where.

Show your support

He also spent our Christmas money from his parents on tools for this sex obsession. When we were wrapping Christmas presents he said his parents will be disappointed in the fact me and him have nothing to open. And I said they only sent money for our baby though, and he disclosed they actually sent £1000 which i had no idea about. And that he spent some of it on the car and the tools. He spends so much time looking for tools and buying tools and so we have no Christmas presents, technically. Well, I don't, because all the tools are for him and for me to use on him.

This is next level perversion and it’s like you’ve turned into a tool to please him too. If he loved you he’d consider what you desire too. This lust has become an obsession which sounds like a mental disorder to be honest. Does he have adhd? This is not love sex it’s more like work sex, like a chore and no connection. I feel for you. If I was to have it everyday I’d go crazy. I think you are not wrong for thinking to change life

This situation is divorce worthy in my eyes. I’m really sorry.

Sorry nope. Run. And suggest he get help.

He was recently diagnosed with ADHD which gave him the confidence to talk with me about it. I actually don't recognise him anymore. I like that there is more communication, but I don't like there is no compromise. I want cute messaged and love, not sex sex sex..

It's funny because he believes this is what all men want, and to be honest it seems when you read comments under memes and videos that men do only want this. I try to tell him about what I read, too, and that not everyone has sex so regular... I told him I'm worried this will be unhealthy. And it feels like it already is.

There you go, I heard that adhd people can get really hyper active and obsessed about sex that’s why I asked. He’ll never give you what you wish for in my opinion. He needs sex for selfish reasons. And not all men are like this. My man and I only do it when we feel so connected and loving and every sex is a beautiful experience. We have it twice a month. I’ve had times where I wanted to have it more but I’m happy he’s not obsessed and lets me have enough gap to crave for it. My ex was obsessed and it was a stress and I felt like a toy. Here I’m valued as a person and sex just adds onto our relationship. Honestly don’t get convinced that all men want it so crazily there are decent ones out there

That's how I view sex. As a loving addition to the relationship. I usually only am in the mood after a beautiful day where we connected so well and there was romance. I am not right for my husband. there will be women to fill his needs, and it's not me.

So he needs to go to therapy a LOT! Because this is the textbook definition of a sex addiction! It sounds like he LITERALLY HAS NO interest in anything not sex related??? That's a full blown, raging case of addiction. Have you talk about the extent of it to anyone in professional therapy?

Not yet, which type of therapist would I go to?

Thing is, I supported him with absolutely everything. I was the one who helped him understand he may have adhd and helped him get tested and now diagnosed. I supported him by studying about adhd in adult and ways I can help. I have taken on the largest quantity of work and house duties (cooking, cleaning, admin, baby... etc). I have already taken on everything as to not overwhelm him or trigger anything. But, I'm burning out. It's all pleasure, video games, and eating good food and having sex on tap for him. It's like I'm forgotten, and he wasn't always like this... 😔 I hate to think I'm just a tool for him, whilst I drown in the sea of responsibilities and expectations

I'm so sorry but this is definitely divorce worthy. I had a situation about sex. We didn't have it enough for me. There was no compromise. He was masturbating to porn while I was waiting in lingerie. Turns out he had a porn addiction which he initially hid and eventually got therapy for. But if he hadn't gotten the therapy I would have been gone.

It’s not fair on you. You’ve been understanding and supportive of him whereas he’s just been selfish and takes advantage of the fact that you do everything for him.

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