Relationship with Own Mother

Hi, I go months without talking to my mother. And even at that, it’s not by choice. I freaked out on her when I was pregnant, telling her she isn’t present and is essentially a bad grandma to her existing grandchildren. She’s tried to do better since that chat but I can only handle her in small doses. It is very lonely when you don’t have a proper motherly figure or that “village” that everyone talks about. So I’m sorry you’re going through this. I’ve cut off many family members before but haven’t been successful with my mother (yet). I just tell myself my son needs a grandma (my MIL is unwell and probably going to die soon).

@Alana thank you for sharing! My son doesn’t know my MIL. We’re waiting for her to die too. She has stage 4 cancer supposedly. I never believed a word she said but I don’t talk to her. I only hear what my husband tells my mother. She’s just so nasty. She called me today on her lunch break from work and she sounded sooo happy so I said “oh you’re in a good mood! Having a good day?” And it just went downhill from there

@Christina🤱🏼🍂☕️♈️ ugh I’m sorry. This is why this app exists though. To connect moms who are in need of a village/support, and find others going through similar things. My mom isn’t mean, she’s just dumb and a raging alcoholic haha.

@Alana I’m so sorry 😣 yeah mine is an alcoholic too but won’t admit it. She’s pure evil. Thank you so much for your support and kind words! 🫶🏻

My mom is the same if not worse. She finally said the last thing I could take from her. My daughter was 4 months old and I just thought to myself. How can a mother treat and talk to their own daughter like this? Because I could never ever do that. And I only realized this after I became a mom. At that moment I told her I can no longer be in contact in with you. You are destroying me mentally and hurting me. The things you say to me I could never say to my daughter. Goodbye. She didn’t try to fight or stick around. She did nothing. Basically said alright fuck off and that was that. My daughter is now turning 3. My son she has never met and he is turning 2. They have no idea who this women is or if I even have a mom right now. But it is what it is. The toxic behavior from her was not worth to keep around me and my family. She’s tried to even get me into jail multiple times calling the cops on me. I honestly think she’s crazy.

I legit was sleeping in bed with my newborn and husband when the cops called my phone telling me if I step foot on the property to steal my mother’s car that I will be arrested. She told them I was on the way over right now and she scared for her life…she made this whole story up. I was sleeping for god sakes. We have are own 2 cars. It was insane. I told the cop on the phone, listen you need to get her evaluated bc this is a made up story and I’m fresh from the hospital after giving birth to my child. He was in shock and apologized. And this is just one of the very last incidents that occurred between me and her. There are far many from childhood to adulthood. But this one stuck with me the most. Bc I was at my most vulnerable.

I have a very complicated relationship with my mom. We are estranged. We just don’t talk and there is no bond. She gossips abt me like im her biggest enemy & acts like im a problem to her sisters which has deminished all the trust I had. Watching her do that as kid, has really affected me & my ability to trust other women while forming friendships. She is can be very controlling, I’m not as agreeable as the rest of my siblings so she has labeled me as “difficult” she is not very supportive & Ive always felt judged by her. She never stands up for me & She can never love me the way I want to be loved or show up for the me so I got tired of constantly being traumatized by her actions. walking away from our relationship has been the best thing for my mental health. The moment I cut her off, My life changed for the better. My life changed the moment I refused to see myself thru her eyes. I don’t have to seek approval, beg for validation, or to be loved unconditionally anymore

Like Jasmin, I have a complicated relationship with my mom. She has been resentful of me since I was born. Not because I was difficult, but because I bonded more with my dad. They are still together, she just didn't like that I bonded more with him. She is also a narcissist (undiagnosed). Everything is about her and how it makes her look. She has moments where she acts like she cares, but they are very short and inconsistent. She was so excited when i was pregnant. She and my dad were talking about moving up here and they were looking at houses. Shortly after my LO was born, when the novelty of my baby wore off, she checked out of being a grandma. She stopped looking at houses and has made excuses about why they can't come up to even visit. Now, she never asks about her or wants pictures or anything. We go long periods of time without talking (that's how it's always been, though). Overall, dealing with her can be very exhausting. It has always been her way or the highway.

@Jasmin literally how I feel and how my entire life has been too! I’m so sorry 🫶🏻

@Victoria that’s insane. I can’t imagine that 😣😭

It’s very normal. I have not been a relationship with my mom for over 20yrs. She’s too toxic, manipulative, unscrupulous, evil , jealous, and the list goes on. I have forgiven her, however, I the best decision I ever made was to stay away from that woman. You should not indulge her if she keeps making you angry , it’s not healthy.

@Oma thank you. It’s not that she makes me angry all the time. It’s more of a hurt. I don’t understand how she can be so hurtful. We purposely moved back “home” because we thought being around “family” would be a good thing for me and my son. I’m grateful to be close to my sister atleast. My mother on the other hand, I regret ever moving close to

I have a poor relationship With both of my parents. I moved my family 4 hours away to where my husband’s (supportive) family is this summer. My dad is the narcissist but mom always takes his side. My mom wouldn’t fix dinner for me or my brother growing up if my dad had had a big lunch and wasn’t hungry. We ate brownies and pop tarts so often that I had high cholesterol as a child. At Thanksgiving this year, we had the turkey for lunch, and then when I asked what the dinner plan was, she was annoyed and said “how can you be hungry?” Brought back a lot. To my daughter’s second birthday, mom offered to bring dinner over. On her way, she called and said “we had a big lunch so we aren’t bringing anything anymore” - not even something for us! On her birthday!!! So I don’t ever trust her to provide food etc and I don’t invite her to birthdays now. No advice, every situation is different, but it helps me to hear others deal with somewhat similar things, so I wanted to share.

@Casey thank you for sharing 🫶🏻 I literally don’t understand how a woman can be this way towards her child. It’s so disgusting what she has said to me since being pregnant and having my son. I just don’t understand it. It’s so hurtful. I keep telling my husband I need to cut her off. I just don’t know how to

I don't have a strong bond with my mom at all. Not only did she not raise me but she never tried to connect with me throughout life at all. Once I became a mom I realized she'll never be the mom I need her to be. I struggle really hard with women relationships, and not having a mother figure in my life at all. It makes me sad for my daughter, as my partners parents are deceased, and my mom can't even step up to be a decent grandma. I haven't talked to her a few months and when I reached out recently all she did was say nasty things and I regretted even contacting her.

i also have a complicated relationship with my mom but for different reasons. my grandparents got custody of me when i was a toddler, and she’s always been apart of my life but not consistently. she didn’t raise me, i never lived with her growing up. i love her of course but we just aren’t close. sometimes it feels like i barely know her. she kinda freaked out when i told her i was pregnant, acted like she wasn’t gonna be a grandma, said some hurtful things. i empathize with her cause i know my conception and everything that happened within my first few years of life had to be really difficult. she’s not the most present person in my life but i know she means well. it’s hard sometimes