We listen and we don’t judge: Postpartum edition.

Your kids aren’t ruining your relationship, you guys are ruining your relationship. But I’m curious as to why you think that? No judgement I don’t know what you’re going through just asking

We’ve lost time with one another. The stresses of having to show up as parents before partners. We don’t get to spend time with one another. We don’t have intimacy.

I think it’s really easy to be able to say that something else is ruining your relationship without admitting that maybe neither of you find the time to make the effort. I think we’ve all been there when we can say we don’t have time for ‘us’ anymore. But you need to find peace that when your kids are busy and you’re both sat there for even five minutes together that you can call it your time. Or when the kids are in bed and you get a spare half an hour to watch something on the TV or to cook together that’s your new time as a couple now that you have children. Right now you’re making the lives of your children the best they can have and that shouldn’t be forgotten. But your relationship shouldn’t also be forgotten or dismissed, remember what made you have the kids in the first place because I’m sure it came from love xx

Yess^^ you guys have to find time for each other but BOTH of you guys must put in the effort that’s how it is with us we have a 5 month old and my hubby is always working late but we try to find time for each other even if it’s for a little bit. I understand it’s hard but try finding that spark I hope you guys make it work and communication is key

Do you ever get a break Incog? Is your partner a hands on dad and does his fair share? You have 2 toddlers, that is exhausting in itself! You are deep in the trenches right now, cut yourself some slack 🫶🏽 Does your 3yo go to nursery/preschool?

3 years and 20 months is tough! Mine are nearly three and 13 months. It’s exhausting and so full on. I think you’re still very much in the thick of it. I think it might be worth reframing the bit around your relationship. Your kids aren’t ruining it. It has changed. Right now everyone is running on empty and there’s a lot to do. Can you find a bit more time for each other? We try on Saturday night to stay in and have a “date” where we dress up for no reason, cook something special, have a convo rather than watching tv. We don’t have much “village” but we try to force the time together. I do think it helps. This season doesn’t last forever but it feels like it does and it’s bloody exhausting so - solidarity ♥️

You’re not alone! I don’t think my kids have ruined my relationship but I think having kids has changed the relationship. I used to be so in love with my husband and then we had my son and now I don’t feel that much in love. I mean my husband isn’t a bad dad or husband I just don’t feel head over heels for him anymore and I don’t want to sleep with him. I really think it might just be the hormones since they can change how you feel. Like when women get off birth control they can sometimes feel as if they don’t like their husbands anymore. We’re about to have our 2nd and I’m hoping to do something to fix my hormones after I’m done breastfeeding. I’ve heard low testosterone can affect things like libido. I would just give it time and definitely talk to him see if he can help relieve some of the stress of taking care of the littles.

@Sarah my libido shot back up once I finished breastfeeding. I felt the exact same, it was as if my body was only focussed on getting the baby what he needs and forgot about my partner. Once my hormones settled from breastfeeding things went back to ‘normal’ x

@Samantha that’s good to hear!