How would you feel if your terminally ill niece said this to you?

Sometimes having a crush means you really like and admire someone and want to be as much like them as you possibly can. She is probably envisioning that you have a life she’ll never have. Have you ever heard the song Girl Crush by: Little Big Town? It describes it more as serious envy and not wanting to be with that person, but to be that person. I personally wouldn’t say anything, at all as I don’t see what good it would do. It’s not lying and you don’t need to share every word someone says to you.

I agree with Dana 100%. And 19 is still young in my eyes. Maybe it is a real crush? But at this point it doesn’t really matter. I personally wouldn’t want to tell anyone because these are her last weeks. What if he or another family member has a super strong reaction to this news, for whatever reason. It could taint her or that persons last weeks with her.

@Brittany that’s exactly why I wasn’t wanting to say anything. I would never want it to affect these last weeks or make anyone have different feelings towards her in these last moments. I especially don’t want anything to seem “about me” in this unimaginable time for the family.

Personally I don’t see how a harmless crush could cause people to be upset? Maybe the niece if she didn’t want people to know. I would personally tell him but only because I would view it as not a big deal. It would just be like a silly story because they are so young and obviously going through so much. But I guess if you somehow think it would upset people then don’t tell him. But I honestly think it would be weird for him to be upset about it

Also to clarify, the reason I even thought about saying anything to my husband is we were talking a lot about things his sister and brother in law had said or done during the trip because his sister can be typically very rude to me, and gives constant unsolicited advise. So we had just basically spilled our guts about things and that was the one thing I was hesitant to mention

Ya. You never know how people will react. Good luck with your decision.

Considering the circumstance, assumably her wanting to get it off her chest is probably all this was. There shouldn’t be any ill feelings or animosity created from something as simple as her claiming to have a crush… If your relationship were to be tested over this or your husbands thoughts of her change because of her admittance, it’s hard to comprehend why. This isn’t some doozy drunk at a bar, this is a terminally ill niece. If you’re always transparent with your husband, I wouldn’t change that.

i agree with @Haley. i don’t know all the dynamics, but it sounds like just an innocent crush & not really that big of a deal? if it were me, my husband & i would just laugh about it. she’s a child lol. unless she’s like actively flirting, i don’t think it’s anything to stress about.

@Charlie for sure our relationship wouldn’t be tested by it as we are super strong, mostly because of our transparency with each other. I guess my main concern was him just having weird feelings about that or something rather than just focusing on her and her last weeks. We always talk about everything, not just stuff that would be a lie if we didn’t say. This is naturally something I’d mention without question, if the other circumstances weren’t involved

@Haley yeah I definitely don’t see him being upset or mad about it at all. Just wasn’t sure if give the circumstances I should. I guess mainly because of what you mentioned like her possibly not wanted people to know.. she probably forgot she said anything even, but still I feel weird or bad talking about it given the circumstances. Like I don’t want to “spread” stuff as she’s on her death bed, even though it’s just my husband and I tell him literally everything. Ugh.. thank you for your input!!

@Brittany thank you for your input! ❤️

I think I would tell spouse I this situation (as long as you didn't think he'd got all weird or aggressive about it) and potentially go on a "date" with her. Just like going to lunch and hanging out just to give her somegood last memories I guess if I was comfortable and husband was comfortable with it anyway

@Nestlē totally! I guess I was nervous he’d be weirded out by it or something but you are right, it will probably just be laughed off. Also can we talk about your absolutely adorable girls!!!? That lilo and stitch costume is absolutely incredible I might steal!!

hahaha thank you! yeah those costumes were so hard to pull together 😅 but it was worth it bc they won our neighborhood costume contest 😎

It seems like you’re making it a bigger deal than it should be. I would be flattered, then just kinda brush it off. No need to feel uncomfortable. It’s best not to keep things from your spouse

Also consider that his niece may even be on medication, which is making her say things she does not really mean/feel. If she physically made a move, then that would be too far though. You said his sister can be typically very rude to you, so if that sister is the mother of the 19 year old, it probably will not end well.❤️

I don't see any good on telling him, especially if she has weeks to live and you won't see her again. He is already agfected by her illness. Maybe after she died, that might make him smile as it's an harmless crush.... That made you feel embarrassed, understandable, but it's not as if she can act on it 🤷🏾‍♀️

I know you probably already know, but it could be because of the brain tumour itself. I have looked after many patients who’s behaviours and personalities have completely changed and they to sometimes say inappropriate things, which can’t be helped. My grandma even wrote angry letters to a well known celebrity telling her how much she hated her when she had a brain tumour, which she would never of even dreamed of doing before. I personally wouldn’t read too much into it, but I realise that might not be easy.

I think this is the perfect situation for you to dig deep and find out why it’s bothering you so much. I don’t mean this to be rude. I take situations to dig and figure out why they bother me as well. IMO it was a harmless situation. From childhood to adulthood I’ve had tons of crushes on people who weren’t necessarily my age. As a kid I had a huge crush on a male cousin of mine. Doesn’t necessarily mean anything inherently bad. I’d tell my husband but that’s because I tell him everything. My husband’s disabled little cousin has a crush on me. Has since we were dating. My husband knows and so does the boys father. I think it’s adorable.

@Abbie absolutely. If anything, she probably wouldn’t have ever even said anything if it weren’t for the tumor making her says things she otherwise wouldn’t. I think that’s why I felt unsure on telling my husband, because I think if she was well, she never would have said anything and so I feel sort of like I’m passing on her “secret” if that makes since and that just makes me feel weird! I’m so sorry to hear that your grandma battled something similar. It’s awful to watch someone deal with. ❤️

@Jessica I believe it’s bothering me so much because I tell my husband everything so typically I would, but this feels like something she never would have said if it weren’t for her tumor making her say things just point blank that she’s thinking or has thought. So I personally feel like it’s a secret she had, that with her new honesty was released and I feel weird passing it along to someone else.. I know it means nothing and is harmless, I just feel like I’d be spreading something that she probably would have never actually said.

@Marie yeah I’m thinking maybe at least now it’s not worth mentioning. I think I will eventually, but with all else going on, no need to tel him something that I believe she’d be embarrassed of me even knowing..

@Karli I think the admission it’s self is not something that bothers me in anyway, I think it’s the fact that this is something I believe she would never have told me if it weren’t for the tumor making her very honestly about things at this point. So it feels a bit like her secret she had, that I know now and feels a bit yucky of me to spill that on to someone else. But on the flip side I tell my husband everything and he would not be bothered by it so that’s why I wanted to tell him, just feels a bit weird to share her personal feeling as she’s dealing with what she is. If that makes sense?

I would have told my husband but it would have been just part of a conversation about the day (we legit talk about everything and have a very open/honest relationship), I wouldn't have made a big admission of it and we both would have just been like 🤷🏼‍♀️

Gotcha. I mean it’s completely up to you. Because I know it’s an innocent thing I’d probably tell my husband assuming I knew he wouldn’t have a negative reaction. Obviously you don’t want to hurt her image her family members have of her knowing she may pass soon. Wanting to preserve the feelings and bonds she has with her family is a good excuse not to tell them

Nah I wouldn’t tell him. She has weeks to live girl. What difference would it make?