What do you say when people ask if this is your first baby?

I would just say something along the lines of “Oh no she’s my second baby but my first living baby.” As I feel like that makes it a bit light hearted in a way and a lot of people won’t start asking questions about it and making the extra comments about how you know what you’re in for😊x

Thank you for the advice. That’s really helpful xx

I think it's fine saying this is your second if that's how you feel. You don't have to make people comfortable if that is your truth. You are allowed to honor and talk about your first baby. If you're comfortable with saying it I would just be up front about having a still birth. It doesn't have to be light hearted for the recipient in my opinion, grown adults should be able to have that conversation if they ask. I'm sorry you had to go through this 💔

I always found this very difficult too, after a late second trimester loss last year. I answered depending on how I feel in the moment - if I didn’t feel resilient enough to talk about my first pregnancy, then I just say yes this is my first. If I feel a bit more resilient I’ll say ‘this is my second pregnancy, but all being well my first earthside baby’ or something along those lines. Never feel guilty if you do just say yes - it doesn’t mean you’ve forgotten your first baby, and you do have the right to protect yourself from having to talk about your loss if it doesn’t feel right for you in the moment. Sorry for your loss and wishing you all the best with this pregnancy 💜 I’m currently sitting here cuddling my 3 and a half week old rainbow baby 🌈

It’s so hard to navigate isn’t it. But you have to find an answer that you have to live with on a day to day. My personal preference is to be open about our angel babies. I don’t dwell on it. I don’t invite conversation.

@Susie I hate it though as I feel like I make other people feel awkward and put them on edge. Not that I care in the sense that I’ve had to and still am literally living it but I just feel awful for other people as no one expects to hear that 😢

@Jules thank you for sharing and I’m so sorry for your loss ❤️your comment has had me cry (but happy tears haha) I cannot wait to get hold of my rainbow baby and hear that first cry. I’m going to hold him so close 🥹 I just hate the thought of disregarding my first, that’s how I feel in my head anyway but pregnancy hormones don’t help me to navigate all of these feelings I have either. Thank you for sharing though and congratulations to you and your rainbow baby xx

My friend had a miscarriage and told me the first time we met. I'm really glad she told me because we talk a lot about babies and trying to fall pregnant again and it helps knowing, to avoid hurtful words. I wasn't uncomfortable at all when she told me, just told her I'm very sorry to hear and didn't push, she didn't comment further. But sometimes now she will mention it and then we talk about it which I don't mind at all. I understand you don't want to make people uncomfortable but it's ok. Most people should handle it just fine.

@Susie im so sorry to hear about your friend. A lot of people say a loss is a loss and of course it is as they’re all our babies, but miscarriage and a full term still birth are 2 very different things. A lot of people I’ve came across don’t handle it fine or as expected it’s just a very difficult subject when you’re asked if it’s your first baby when you’ve gave birth to a full term baby. I dont want to and can’t just forget about her or disregard her. I only lost her a year and 6 months ago, it’s still very raw and I’m finding it hard to navigate through this pregnancy