Need to know if this is relatable
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That sounds so tough. My husband and I also both work full time and make similar $. I would not say our relationship is 50/50 but it's not as imbalanced as what you are describing. I would talk to your husband and stick up for what you want and need. If you already have and he won't change, I would look for a marriage counselor
It shouldn't be seen as normal There's a book called fair play that's often reccomended. Also Jimmy on relationships channel on YouTube ( not a therapist, just someone who has put together some very insightful shorts about different things related to relationships.... Including parenting and how guys do other things but then moms want to take a shower and it's seen as "taking a break" when it's actually just taking care of themselves .... For example )
I say this with love and someone that was in your shoes for over ten years, it’s not sustainable. You will burn out, the resentment will come. He has to step up.
My nesting partner ( recently termed husband, we hit five years in Oct) and I have been living together for far longer. I'm trying to get our relationship to more 50 50 by doing more. During the day I'm the default parent.... But family gatherings we plan together. Family trips? Well he leaves that more to me because that was literally my job for four years ( worked reservations And I loved helping people find what best fit what they were looking for in terms of amenities and activities to do both ) . Big family changes? We discuss those together. I need to give the dogs a walk or break ? Okay, kid can hang out with him so I can do that . I need to take a nap for whatever reason or grab a shower? Cool, he'll hang out with little buddy
I'm trying to organize more around the house and get in the daily minimum load of laundry and dishes. But for us I'm only the default parent by nature of him not being in daycare ( we.... Dodged a bullet with that one that we had considered)
He definitely needs to step up
This is unfortunately all too normal and not sustainable. Have a talk with him and start having him help more. I know it sounds easier than it is and might never be 50% but he needs to be a better partner not another dependent.
I do everything in the home but I don’t work. I will be working soon if everything works out for the best but I’m only going to pay the electric bill since I run it up. Know my relationship he is never home (which I don’t have an issue with) but when he is he does cook and clean sometimes. I definitely don’t have to take care of an extra person though
This is NOT normal and you will burn out if something doesn’t change. Start a family meeting so yall can split chores. If you are waking up in the middle of the night with baby AND has to go to work while PREGNANT, he should be taking care AT LEAST of all the cleaning, cooking and grocery shopping.
It sounds like you’re a single mother to me. I wouldn’t tolerate it for a moment.
Thank you to everyone who replied. From my understanding of the responses here is: Yes, this is a common occurrence. Everyone agrees that, no it should not be a normal thing. It is too much for one person and asking for more help as well as communicating with my spouse for some better boundaries should be top priority. Again, I appreciate the advice.
I'm in a somewhat similar situation, I go to college as a full time student, take care of my 17 month old daughter, and work Monday through Friday 8-4. He doesn't want to take care of her so I can work on assignments so I have to multitask with my daughter and college. Since I started working at a daycare I'm going to register her to go so I can watch her while I work and when classes start I'm going to take her with me if my professors allow me like my previous ones. On top of that when my husband asked my MIL what was for lunch she said that he had to ask me because I was the one that is in charge of that for him. So they expect me to cook, clean, go to classes, work, and take care of my little one.
I am in a very similar situation, except I'm not pregnant. While more factors play a role, I am filing for divorce soon. I simply cannot handle a man child on top of my toddler. And partners are supposed to make life easier not harder. I'm not saying you need to divorce. That's up to your individual circumstances. (Like I said, there's definitely additional factors for me. I understand loving someone who is completely unproductive) but you should probably sit him down and tell him to step up.