Using baby as an excuse (TW ED)

I've struggled with depression since I was a pre-teen and the same with an eating disorder on and off. Now that I have my daughter I've found myself using her as an excuse for not taking care of myself and falling back into my old eating habits. I have a hard time with hygiene due to my depression and when people ask why I don't wash up more I always say "I don't have time" which is true to an extent. The biggest excuse I use is not having time to eat. I was about 140lbs before I went into labor and my daughter was 7lbs6oz. Now, about 5 months later I'm weighing in at 108 because I only eat enough to keep up my breast milk supply and whenever my family or friends mention how much weight I've lost I just respond with "I eat when I can". In reality I'm constantly skipping meals when I have more than enough time to eat, but I hate my body so much that it's so hard to force myself to eat. The only thing keeping me from starving myself completely is the fact that if I don't eat, then I can't feed my daughter, and I don't know if I could handle knowing it's my fault that baby and I would miss out on this bond we have from breastfeeding. I honestly just don't know who I can talk to about it. Whenever my ED would get bad in the past my (now) fiance would try to feed me until I had an upset stomach, which only made matters worse, and my family got upset and yelled at me, as well as threatened to send me to a facility a number of times and I can't miss out on these vital years with my daughter. I'm just so lost in what to do at this point because it's so hard.
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Hey feel free to message me if you ever want to talk privately I too suffered from eating disorders when i was younger and found myself struggling during pregnancy (my baby is 3 months old) 🫶

Get back and take control of your life again. Have small goals and try to shower in the morning to start your day. Or at night before bedtime. Small habits help. Try smoothies if you don't feel like eating.

Hi! I also must have either ocd, or an eating disorder. 1st started as an overweight teen & child obsessed with not being fat anymore and mastered restricting to an extreme low body fat. Then it stopped for yearssss I never thought I had an ed because I never did it again once I lost the weight in highs school but after having my 1st child in 2021 I for the 1st time developed an extreme habit of bullimia & Ana. I’d hide it so well no one knew & I lost tons of weight. I stopped & was good once my baby was around 2-3 but now After having my 2nd child in 2023 I just absolutely restrict & occasionally still purge as well. I also go to the gym frequently… I take my kids with me there (they have a daycare) I just want to waste away. I have the same issue as you with depression, I’m a sahm, I isolate myself & I have social anxiety disorder as well & I think I may also have borderline personality disorder so I just get really down on myself and I don’t like feeling out of control

I restrict a lot, I’m now 140 lbs @ 5”4 but I want to me around 100 lbs so bad. I am just happier when I’m skinny, I’ve stopped drinking alcohol even to reach this goal and I honestly never knew I could beat that habit but I did 2 months sober now! Also because I want to be skinny & alcoholism doesn’t serve that goal. I eat enough to keep breast feeding, I’ve been nursing on demand for 4 years straight & counting… but truly, I feel like one of the biggest driving forces for why I have this issue is because I hate the way I loook in the mirror, after two c sections I just have a saggy skin apron belly & saggy boobs that no matter how much weight training I do in the gym I still in my head look morbidly obese

I skip eating because it’s the closest thing I feel to being pretty, feeling proud of my body. When I’m starved I feel most proud of my body. Anytime I eat, ever, I can’t feel full or even satisfied or else I hate myself and become so down. It’s just better for me not to eat… obviously I know this is not good & I have an issue & so I can relate to your situation. I plan to find a mental health professional soon though my insurance. My husband just doesn’t understand, he’s a bit stoic and has no clue about the world of ed & just how serious & dangerous it really it. How absolutely mental it is

Try to seek therapy, even if you find support groups for recovering online or like AA for ed folks. Try to find someone you can talk to that won’t judge or force you to get better but walk though it with you, the best person for that would be for starters, you primary care physician. Tell them when you are battling mentally

Keep you head up, tough things don’t last, tough people do. ❤️

Feel free to message me as well

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