Using baby as an excuse (TW ED)

I've struggled with depression since I was a pre-teen and the same with an eating disorder on and off. Now that I have my daughter I've found myself using her as an excuse for not taking care of myself and falling back into my old eating habits. I have a hard time with hygiene due to my depression and when people ask why I don't wash up more I always say "I don't have time" which is true to an extent. The biggest excuse I use is not having time to eat. I was about 140lbs before I went into labor and my daughter was 7lbs6oz. Now, about 5 months later I'm weighing in at 108 because I only eat enough to keep up my breast milk supply and whenever my family or friends mention how much weight I've lost I just respond with "I eat when I can". In reality I'm constantly skipping meals when I have more than enough time to eat, but I hate my body so much that it's so hard to force myself to eat. The only thing keeping me from starving myself completely is the fact that if I don't eat, then I can't feed my daughter, and I don't know if I could handle knowing it's my fault that baby and I would miss out on this bond we have from breastfeeding. I honestly just don't know who I can talk to about it. Whenever my ED would get bad in the past my (now) fiance would try to feed me until I had an upset stomach, which only made matters worse, and my family got upset and yelled at me, as well as threatened to send me to a facility a number of times and I can't miss out on these vital years with my daughter. I'm just so lost in what to do at this point because it's so hard.