Am I wrong to not give dummy even though my LO wants to suckle to fall asleep?

I have never given my baby a dummy and never needed to! Sucking on their hand is a hunger sign and signals that he wants milk rather than dummy. It could be he is getting worked up and wants the comfort of a feed xx

My youngest never had a dummy. My oldest had one and he spat it out at 3 months. I wish we had never given him one as it was part of the reason my milk supply was affected.

He has been fed and has pulled away from both breasts. He does it when he is tired rather than hungry. I believe as babies get older they start to suck their hands to self soothe . I just feel guilty when he cant settle knowing a dummy would help him fall asleep but the problem is it doesn’t keep him asleep and I don’t want him to become reliant on it.

It's a choice whether to give a soother or not, and entirely up to you. I can tell you that the period where they can't put the paci back in themselves is relatively short. Mine figured it out within 5 months (although she only really started taking the paci at 3). So if it fell out at night, she would put it back in. I don't believe she's too reliant on it, she only ever gets it at bedtime / naptime or if she's feeling ill (which has been maybe twice). I guess we'll see though. I can tell you it was only for a couple of weeks that I had to get up to put it back in, which is less of a sleep interruption for me than if we had spent months without it waking up and needing comfort. I plan to take it away before 2 years, but I feel like in that time it's been a help, and allowed us all to get some sleep. Again, entirely up to you, though! We were formula feeding so we didn't have the supply problem.

Thank you for sharing Melissa. It’s really helpful to hear your experience using a dummy with your LO.

Using a pacifier in the early years for sleeping has actually been shown to prevent SIDS !

I do want to say that theres nothing wrong with using one! My daughter never took one and tbh I didn’t want to have to deal with weaning her off a dummy along with boob tbh It seems like a helpful tool to those who use it!

I don’t really want to use one if I’m honest. Which is why I’m so conflicted to if I should persist with giving it to him when he wants it. He has such a strong urge to suck, but on the same note, doesn’t love the dummy. I could try different brands to see if I can find one he likes but I don’t want to do all that to then have problems later down the line.

Looking back my daughter used to always chew her hands!! Its a developmental milestone to find their hands I think so its not needed to use one! She doesn’t do it anymore unless teething

Oh mine was definitely a hand chewer, and she did it constantly around 2-3 months, she didn't have the paci in while she was awake, so it definitely didn't impede that. The other thing; she actually would not take a paci until about 3 months in. Before that she spat them out so hard we called them "paci-fliers". 🤣

Thank you all, I really appreciate the sharing of experiences. Being a first time Mum is so hard and the constant questioning yourself is challenging.

Both my LOs took a dummy from around 6 weeks. They were both fed to sleep (EBF) but if they were fed and still wanted the comfort of sucking I would give them their dummy. I know lots of people struggle with bubs waking when their dummy falls out, but both of mine would actually spit their dummy out when they got into a deep sleep. I was keen for them to not be reliant on it to ‘stay’ asleep (although I was happy for them to have it to ‘fall’ asleep), so I would take it out before I put them down for naps/sleep (or when they were properly asleep if they were contact napping). Everyone has different experiences, but personally I found the dummy a really useful tool for settling rather than a hinderance at all. It was also really useful for when I weaned my eldest as he could use it to fall asleep when he was used to the boob. He’s 2.5 now and has weaned off the dummy and boob completely. My 9 month old still uses his dummy for comfort and will for a while. No dummy regrets here!

Thank you Tess, that’s really reassuring to hear and good advice to remove during sleep. Perhaps I’m just over thinking it too much.