Second Due Soon - Who to Watch My First

I’m going to try and make this brief I just don’t know what to do. I have a 19 month old daughter who has a chronic disease. My second daughter is due in 4 weeks (I don’t think I’ll make it to my due date) There’s been quite a bit of uncertainty around who will watch my daughter when we go to the hospital. We’ve had issues with my MIL watching her surrounding not giving her meds she needs and saying she did/not checking in with us about how she’s doing and things like that. My mom on the other hand has been ok watching her but I do not love my mom’s “parenting” style. I am a much gentler person and parent than she is and there are times when she is just too rough with some things. Yesterday for instance my mom was “helping” put her to bed and was wiping her face too hard after eating and putting her clothes on roughly and not reacting to my clearly upset child. I don’t think she’s necessarily unsafe with my mom but I was watching her boundaries with her own body be disregarded and it upset me. My daughter will say “all done” when she wants you to stop and my mom completely ignores it where my partner and I are always respectful of her “no” when it’s safe to be. My mom has been under the impression she is watching my daughter (I’ve never told her she is she just assumed) and I just don’t know how to handle this now

Show your support

I'm 32 weeks with my second, my daughter being 16 months. We both didn't feel comfortable with anyone else watching our daughter while we are in the hospital for our son so we both decided he will be there during the day with us and then take our daughter home and be with her at night while I'm at the hospital.

@Jenna this was an option for us but my partner doesn’t seem inclined to. I’m hoping we can leave the hospital after 24 hours this time - my OB let me know that’s an option as long as everything is good with myself and baby

I would 100% leave her with your mom. Not giving her meds and giving you guys updates sounds far more concerning than the way your mom acts. Maybe talk to her about being more gentle since she is extra sensitive with the new baby arriving.

Your husband could stay home with your first child when your in the hospital? Outside of you pushing out the kid it’s not like he has to be there. The only child my husband stayed with me was my first one. My 2nd I was by myself and my 3rd he only stayed 1 of 3 nights.

My thoughts if it means anything:) 1) Have your mom watch and really encourage the gentleness, remind her how you’ve taught her “all done” and what she is communicating. Hopefully it will just be one night 2) your partner stays with her overnight and just stays with your for the birth as long as all is well. 3) your MIL watches but maybe see if your insurance covers a home nurse of sorts to help with meds? 4) maybe your mom and MIL stay together? Tag team it :) It’s a tough decision, trust your mama gut!

‌

‌
‌

‌

‌
‌

‌

‌
‌

‌

‌
‌

‌

‌
‌

‌

‌
‌