Would you leave your friend to sulk?

For context: I’m 27 have a 2 year old, She’s 22 no kids we met in work, been great friends for 4years.) The last two months, she’s been awful with plans (she can be hit miss occasionally) but has cancelled on them all, including going to see wicked in cinema cause she didn’t know how to tell me she’d booked a last min holiday (Last time I’ve seen her was end of October but we normally meet weekly) We had a Christmas meal plan for last Friday, I wanted to give her gifts then, she told me she had tonsillitis on the Monday I asked her a few times are you definitely coming? Are you well enough etc she said yes 100% wouldn’t miss it, on voice note she got her voice back she sounded a lot better etc, only for her to cancel 15mins.. before I was leaving! Any time she cancels I push my feelings aside & I’m very considerate to her but this time I was honest & said “you couldn’t have told me earlier than 15mins before I was leaving? I hope you feel better soon xxx” it’s the first time I’ve shown I was upset & she’s not spoke to me since… Im feeling annoyed cause she’s the one to cancel, I’ve got her Christmas presents here & even got her new boyfriend a gift as a nice gesture, Any conversation lately it’s been brief and only about her struggles (cost of Christmas presents, losing 3 shift pay but she chose to not go into work, seasonal colds) I’m very sympathetic with her & basically an agony aunt, but I have a lot more serious issues & I haven’t felt like I’ve had her there as a friend or seen her to be able to share anything myself, I’ve moved house, was left with no heating/hot water for 1 week, last landlord is trying to take my deposit saying the flat needed cleaning etc but I left the flat immaculate took photos (thankfully) so I’m currently disputing it but I’m down by £700, my mum was crashed into so been helping her (she has no partner or other kids & lives 30min drive away etc) & sorting out all the paperwork with insurance etc, sons had multiple bugs from nursery, I’ve been unwell but you just get on with it as a mum! I lost a family member & had to help deal with an old friend try commit suicide(there family got me involved) which is on my mind a lot, not having a great sleep with it all it has been a very stressful period and I’ve honestly felt friendless… But here’s my question, I’m not sure what to do? I’m only free Sunday before Christmas, I have a lot of festive plans for my son & a funeral to attend yet I’m sat here still trying to accommodate her but at the same time I’m thinking why should I reach out to offer myself to drive up to her to give her presents if she can’t be arsed to talk or come to one plan?🫣

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I went through this exact same thing with my younger friend who also doesn’t have kids and doesn’t understand that it takes a lot of effort on our part with kids to make plans and have the day laid out so we can go out. To just cancel on us last minute is so rude, because it takes a lot to get out of the house when you have kids. Regardless even if you don’t have kids, it should be common sense/decency to let someone know you won’t be able to make it ahead of time. Or just keep your plans lol. My friend had a very annoying habit of making plans and then canceling the second anything better came along. A lot of the time she would just ghost me and then text me a day or two later claiming her phone “broke” or some other bs 🙄 I am like you, I hate confrontation and would always just let it slide. But finally I had enough, and wrote out a whole letter to her on how it made me feel like she doesn’t value our friendship and how she was making me feel like shit. I called her up and read it

To her over the phone because I knew it would make more of an impact hearing it from me vs reading it through text. Things have been much better since then, she has been so much more considerate and has put in so much more effort to keep our plans

That sucks! I am probably too forgiving and I prefer to let things slide like you but i would let your friend reach out to you first. She has not been a good friend to you and a friendship has to be reciprocated. She needs to reach out and hopefully apologise.

Sorry but that’s not a friend I was in a similar situation and since I stopped making all the effort guess what? Nothing from her! Friends make effort no matter the circumstances

We don't need to chase after friends... that alone means they aren't true friends. Fair enough messaging more than once incase they missed it/ they've been busy/ they have something occupying their mind but there's a balance. No we're not entitled to people's time but in a friendship if someone gives you zero time/ efforts/ care at all it's time to start realising they don't have space in their lives for this friendship and slowly withdraw to see if they notice or care enough to make reparations... if not... that's cool... but that doesn't mean the other person needs to sit and wait around for their efforts. Life is way too short and some people are guna be waaaay more compatible as friends

This friendship does not sound like it is worth your energy. Find some better friends.

If it was a friendship I truly cared about I'd just reach out to them and express that I miss them and I miss us and that I feel like we're drifting apart and share why I feel that way. I'd also let them know that I feel like I have tried to hold onto this friendship and it has been feeling one sided and that I just don't have the energy to continue pouring into people that aren't pouring into me. If she would like to rekindle the friendship then she can let you know and if you're open to repairing it then let her know. But I'd let my friend know the ball is in her court and that I won't reach out about plans moving forward. Thats it. If she hits me up to hang and I'm free I'll be down and if she bails AGAIN...then I will never be down in the future. That's it.

You sound like a good friend. I wouldn't rush to make plans with her again but I would check in on her periodically, especially if you feel her change in behaviour towards you is quite sudden. How new is her new boyfriend could that be why? Is he a bad egg? She could be in that honeymoon stage with him where you want to spend every single free moment together and that's why she's been flaky (not an excuse and you'd hope by 22 she'd know better but still).

Sometimes it's difficult to navigate friendships that feel super one sided. I found it after I had my 2nd baby that there were people I would message and try to arrange things with but they never put in the effort. So I stopped putting in the effort. Only one person actually took the hint and contacted me the rest never bothered so it told me all I needed to know about those friendships. We all know life gets in the way but even an attempt at trying sometimes goes a long way x

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