Any advice welcome please!

I have a 17 month old son, his dad hasn’t been around he’s met him once which was very very brief.. But he’s been a nightmare from the start, demanded a DNA test which he didn’t end up doing, one day he just changed his tone completely and said he knows he’s his and said we don’t need to do it anymore because he knows he’s his for a fact.. for a month or two now he’s been sending him gifts such as clothing, shoes, boxing gloves (he wants to take him boxing eventually) anyway he’s even sent me flowers and chocolates on my birthday, a gold chain for Christmas which was sent to my house yesterday and I accidentally opened it - also his mum has bought Christmas presents for our son too. I feel as if he’s trying to love bomb and fake future planning he’s been selling me the dream however he’s an alcoholic and he’s at the point of not being able to stop drinking - he has the shakes if he stops, been told he could have a heart attack and die he has to drink every 3 hours. So basically very very bad! I feel like I’m gullible and want to believe him because that’s what I want, he’s telling me he’ll go to rehab he’s just waiting on a space. But he’s showing very jealous traits and yesterday he basically told me he’d never put me on social media as he respects his ex so if I was to give it ago if he went to rehab I’d be a secret? He called me immature for setting boundaries and I’m just feeling totally shit today. Think it’s hit that he’s full of shit and I’ve had rose tinted glasses on. It’s so hard when all you want is that family life! I just want help on navigating this so any advice is welcome please. I know we’re better off without but the fact that he’s got me right in the feels again makes me feel so so so worthless and so shit. He is my weakness and he knows it.

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That's wrong, setting boundaries is mature. Reacting like that is immature, he's playing with you, but you must go by his rules. Absolutely not, you are the mumma who has done all of the parenting, you are in control of what happens. He may have re-lit some feelings of hope and love, but you are wise enough to see it, before it's too late. You haven't rushed and let him back in, or given into his weird rules like keeping the relationship secret. You aren't at fault for wishing for a family, but I must say if you gave in and settled for far less than you deserve, it would be a fault of yours. Enjoy the gifts, enjoy that he wants you, but don't take the crap too personally because you know what you deserve deep down. So proud of you for doing it alone, and for not making a mistake too quick xx

There is so much going on. I would probably say until he has been to rehab and proved he's sober for say 6 months you'd keep contact minimal or none at all and then reassess and see what kind of man he is when he's sober. It's not safe for your child to be around somebody who is drunk xxx

@Hannah thank you so much, your words mean so much to hear as I’m feeling so down in the dumps today. He basically made me feel like there’s still feelings for his ex if I was a secret! I just said to him last night to let me know when he’s done rehab and if he wants to see his son, then he said ‘mmm maybe’ it’s like he’d punish him for me not wanting to be treated like that.. then he called me jealous! This was the last message sent last night and I’ve heard nothing today, guaranteed now he won’t make an effort with his son, I’ll show you the message because I was trying to get my point across that I’m not jealous and if he wants to treat his son that way that’s on him. He didn’t even have the decency to respond so I think I need to leave it at that and remain strong he’d have to prove himself but I just feel like I’m back at square one and feel bad on my son and if I wanted to give him that chance then I’d be paranoid thinking he still cares for his ex. It’s all just one big mess

You don't have to spend all your time on trying to convince him anything. Such as not jealous. I had a similar issue with my baby's dad so I know no matter how much I explained, he'd kind of understand, then switch back to completely blaming me. You're literally trying to encourage a fish to climb a tree. I know it's so horrible but please focus on how happy your baby is, because you left that bad atmosphere out of their life xx

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