Advice

Oh I think that’s awful. Deliberately leaving her out as if she isn’t part of the family?! 😔 I don’t think you’re being silly at all. What does your partner say?

Not being silly at all, your babies are sisters regardless of having different dads, I would have a chat with your partner and address it as don't want your daughter to feel left out as she grows older and starts to take notice. Your all a family and come as a package. I'd say it takes a lot of effort to leave her name out knowing she exists and like there's a deliberate effort to leave your daughter out. I would address it if there's more to it as seems odd when as you say she is just a child and should be included and involved

Agree with the others!

I'd be fuming 😒

That’s really shit! I have a proper complicated family and my mums first husband (my older siblings dad) calls himself grandad David to all my kids and buys them a present at Christmas! When I was little he was my “uncle” and bought me a present same as my older siblings! You need to address it, it’s really unfair on your older daughter and although she may not remember it this year she will very soon and it will be tough!

That's horrible and I would mention it to your partner. I have step nieces and I could never leave them out of gifts or off the card, even if they haven't been part of the family for long

What does your partner think?? Definitely say something to your partner and if he won't address it with them then I certainly would. Your daughter's feelings and self worth are far more important than a thoughtless adult potentially being offended. My heart breaks for her a little bit. 😞 Both children should be treated equally. Any cards not addressed to the whole family should be thrown away and id return any gifts to them if not given one for both children. Good luck.

He said when he saw the card, why isn’t 3yr olds name on it. And then I’ve thrown the card away. I just don’t get why or how people can do that. I wasn’t sure if I was just overthinking it, as I’m so protective of my 3yr old as it’s always been just me and her

If you’re 3 year old isn’t receiving gifts but your other child is then I would simply return the gifts to whoever gave them

That's crazy. It's hardly much effort to write another name on the cards. The cards especially feels really harsh/spiteful. Presumably they've met her and know her (before new baby was born)? If they've only met since baby was born, leaving off gifts makes a bit more sense, esp as babies first xmas. How long have you been with your current partner?

I would be fuming, this is completely unacceptable. I would first get on the same page with your partner as to how you will be responding. And then, through either him or you directly, I would say to his family members: “thank you so much for cards and hits or the baby”, however, we treat both children equally so I can’t display your cards (or I have written in my older kid’s name), and I will unwrap your gift and buy another gift for my daughter and rap them together in the same paper. Sorry, but we don’t want our oldest o feel left out so next time we won’t be able to accept such cards and gifts.

@Jess I haven’t met them and they haven’t met either of the children, but all my daughters biological side of the family has bought for both of them, even the ones who haven’t met the baby

@Jess been together over 2 years

@Olga I’ve binned the card this year. But my oldest did ask who the present was for. I just think what about next year when she can read and notices her name isn’t on the card.

Yes absolutely, next year she will be recognising her name, that’s why I think you need to tell them now that it is unacceptable. Maybe in a diplomatic form to avoid a conflict, but firmly. It’s normal for those grandparents to have more love towards their own grandchild, but they can express it by taking her for a day or weekend when you do something else together with the eldest, etc., but not writing the name on a family card or not giving two presents to two kids is simply ridiculous.