I don’t know how to tell my husband I don’t want to be his mom’s caregiver, HELP!!

So I’m going to try my best to not make this too long! My husband’s mom started living with us since May/June and she is physically disabled. She had a stroke and is paralyzed on her one side. She came from her oldest’s son’s house because she didn’t like staying there (my husband is the middle son). There was never no real conversation on how things would go as far as her care and that I would end up caring for her 24/7. My husband wants her to live with us because his siblings pretty much don’t want to take care of her. BUT he also doesn’t want to take care of her either. For example he doesn’t try to help me take care of her unless he really has to. He complains when she asks him to do stuff, he takes alll day doing it and does things when he gets ready. He’ll also get snappy with her if he simply just doesn’t want to do it. Which then leads me to do everything she asks. And she just lets him get away with it because she knows I’m going to do it since he isn’t. Me and MIL dont have the closest relationship but we are cordial. We have a 2 small children one being 9 months currently and I feel like I am stretched so thin. It’s truly been a nightmare since she moved in. I was 3 month PP!! We don’t get to do things anymore because she’s here. And it seems like she enjoys it because she can’t do the things she wants to do because of her disability. How do I tell him I can’t do this anymore and I don’t want to take 24/7 care of her!? I also WFH and he goes to work so he’ll go all day without checking on her because he’ll just assume that I will do everything while I’m working. When he gets home sometimes he doesn’t even go to her room. Mind you it’s not like I’m sitting on my butt all day doing nothing. I still take care of her while Im working taking calls all day on the phone. She doesn’t care that I’m working she’ll still have me do things all day for her. I asked him would it be possible if him and his siblings could get together to discuss taking care of his mom. He stated that isn’t gonna happen!

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What happens if you stop taking care of her?

This is one of the worst things I've ever read.... you are a STRONG woman. I could NOT do it! I'd be gone, she'd be gone, all the siblings would feel my wrath, I'd quit my job, something... You gotta focus on you and your children especially one being an infant😭 My family would never ever put anyone in this position, especially if that person had children living in the house, let alone a baby! She has, what? 3 kids?!?! This is NOT your responsibility!!

Agree with above.

I feel overwhelmed just reading this, so I can only imagine how you're feeling. The utter disregard for you is loud. She has 3 kids and you aren't one of them — but have been given all the responsibilities of one. I'm so sorry you're going through this. I would get a quote from a home nurse vs home, and then sit down with your husband and ask him to decide with his siblings which one they'd prefer because your time is just as valuable as his, and his siblings. And that you would also like to start doing things as a family and not take this time away from your children and stop from building memories.

@Alice they’ll most likely make me feel like a shitty person!

Well they're shitty themselves for not wanting to take care of their OWN mom and leave it to a woman with a newborn. No shame!

Thanks so much for your kind words & words of encouragement ladies! I really needed to get that off of my chest.

My mum is disabled however lives independently but within an assisted living facility for over 50s and has carers come in twice a day to help get her dressed and her intimate care needs. My brother lives close and will pop in to help with groceries or appointments. That seems like the very least that they or your mil should be funding. You’re working, looking after young kids and a house and getting no support. They are taking advantage of you. Least they should be doing is taking the responsibility between of them and lessening the load.