What’s your opinion on this?

This is definitely one for the people who have experienced similar. I couldn’t think of a helpful reply as if it was me and my partner had sex with his girl best friend in the past. I don’t think I could be okay with it🙈 I’d maybe say if you’re not willing to stop meeting your best friend (which by the way you shouldn’t have to) and he’s not willing to be okay with you meeting him then I can’t see how the relationship could work much longer🤷🏼‍♀️

I had this male friend once, I met him a few years before I got with my ex while at college, we were good friends and he helped me out a few times (even helped out my gf and I). Suddenly at one point we needed some financial help and nobody but him was willing to help! He helped with no questions asked! While he came over I was really sick in bed and little did I know, my ex took him into the living room and quizzed him on what his intentions with me was, made him know his place now that she was on the scene and even though he said we were just friends (same thing I said) she didn’t trust him at all (or me for that matter!) She drove a really big wedge between us eventually all because she was insecure and possessive and all she could say was that he was “weird!” In the end I was made to feel a certain type of way by keeping him around me so I fully explained things to him, apologised and cut it off… never spoke to him again.

@Shay do you regret it?

The worst part is, there was never anything between us, he respected the fact I was gay and wouldn’t push things any further. We knew each other before I knew my ex and it all ended because he invited me to Greece to see his country and mum. My ex made the point that he knew we were together but is inviting me to countries alone.. when I spoke to him about it he said he just assumed my ex would come with me and didn’t think much of it! Obviously my ex wouldn’t take that so I told her (after a load of pressure from her) that we won’t be speaking again. The truth was, he lied to me years before saying his mum died of cancer and it was traumatic.. but he had just invited me to see his mum in Greece🤔. I realised a lot of lies made me told and my ex was happy thinking she put a wedge between us! My ex also made me cut off my family and I never tried to get friends after being with her because of her behaviour.. so there is also that side of things too.

You know what, I have thought about this a few times since, and given how my relationship turned out to be, I often think I should have kept him around just to see how far she would have gone. But I also feel like I really regret my relationship and life with my ex too! I was trapped with her for a little over a decade and I was non stop asking to leave the whole time and being denied.. so was in a really controlling relationship as it is so I don’t think it would have been good for me to have told her to suck it up (even thought that’s exactly what I would do in the future from now). However I have to remind myself that relationship with my friend was also built on lies and he had tried to manipulate me into feeling sorry for him through a load of lies he made up. However in your case, if your friend is genuine, and you’re not in any danger with your partner… I would ask him to respectfully trust you and allow you the space you need to have friendships outside of your relationship.

I wouldn’t say I have an opinion but I have a few male friends and my husband is fine with it. He has met them and 1 he actually speaks to as friends on his own. If they call when my husband is around they ask about him and say hi. My conversations are never private. Now none of them live close so I rarely see them in person. One was visiting the town we grew up near. My husband had no issue with me seeing him but we weren’t alone. There were 2 other friends that went out with us that night and the next day when I saw him I had my kids with me. It had been probably 5 years since we’ve seen each other. He lives in Vegas, we live on the East Coast. He is also married to. I’ve been friends with him since he was 12 and I was 13. We are 38/39 now. Also, does your partner know y’all halfway had sex? If so, you should have kept that info to yourself.

@Jasmine I agree! I have no problem with my other half having girl friends. But if he’d had a ‘past’ with them, especially sex. It would be a no from me. Insecure as it sounds😅😅🙈

My husband doesn’t like me hanging out with male friends one on one or with 2 male friends alone. Which is understandable. I mean, idc if my husband been friends with a female for 10 years. I don’t want him meeting her alone or even hanging out with 2 females alone. That’s just weird in my opinion. I should be the only female he wants to hang out with. Not others. There’s like a fine line not to cross. And when your partner is telling you it makes them uncomfortable. I would listen. Bc when you tell him something that makes you uncomfortable, you’ll want him to listen to you. I battled with my husband for years with this until I put myself in his shoes. I thought the same thing. Like why is it a problem? We can be friends with males. Regardless if it’s been 10 years or 2. Have your partner, you and the male friend hang out with each other. Invite him over. Bc your friends are his friends and vice versa.

@Victoria I’ve had exes who hung out with 2 females alone as they were his best friends & I didn’t care, he has met him before and been fine with him I don’t know why he’s suddenly switching up. My partner is very miserable and genuinely doesn’t like anyone he meets

I have a male friend I’ve known since 1st grade. I had him come over the house so my husband could meet him finally. They became really good friends. And now he works for my husband. My other friend I had since middle school, did the same thing. And I also did have a history with him. A once and done thing bc it was weird asf and we were drunk in high school. But they are good friends as well. We have him and his girlfriend come over all the time. They are both part of our lives and in our children lives. My daughter especially loves the first one. And always asks for him to come over. They both help us with anything. Be that kids, lifting things. When we moved houses. They both have been here for us. We’ve gone on vacations with each other every year too! So I do highly suggest pushing a relationship between you partner and the male friend. It could work out for the better!

I have male friends however I have never slept with any of them. I understand why he feels funny about this even though there is nothing to it. I don't think it is right him trying to dictate who you speak to though. Also if you say you are just friends he should trust you. Xx

I have my opinion about opposite sex friendships and I'm happy that my husband shares it. Like you said it might be insecurity but I wouldn't feel comfortable when my husband would have a female best friend who he's hanging out and having drinks with on a regular basis, especial when he was intimate with her, even if it was just once, it shows that he's attracted to her in some way. I guess we were both raised that way. I was born in another country where it was not really socially accepted when you're in a serious relationship. Of course there are some female friends on his and male friends on my site. But those are more acquaintances. A random talk, happy birthday wishes etc. The issue I see in your relationship is that you both don't share the same opinion. You think it's okay, he doesn't. Every time you go out it will cause friction in your relationship. I don't really think that he'll ever be okay with this friendship. I'm curious if he has met your best friend? Did you all hang out together?

Well switch it up, if your husband had a 'female best friend' who he had sex with one time and started to see her meeting for drinks etc would you be happy with that?

Yeah I’m cutting off the guy friend. It’s just simple as that. If my partner is not comfortable with it I will respect it. If not, keep the friend and leave the partner. What makes it even more uncomfortable is that you had sex with him. And your partner is even trying to compromise with you by saying he’s fine with you being friends with him as long as you also meet with another female. That sounds fair to me. Would you rather keep your relationship with your guy best friend (that you drifted apart from at one point) or your partner you have kids with? It sounds like you can have both but you just have to compromise on one side of a relationship. It may seem hard at first I know because I’ve been there 😐but maybe try compromising first by meeting with another female friend when you see him and see where it goes from there

@Christine I get that, our female friend was meant to come tonight but she can’t now, and we’ve all been planning for a few weeks as the male friend as from a different town, the thing is he knew all this when we got together and it just feels like recently he’s saying it’s not okay when he knew this when we entered our relationship

How long have you guys I s been together, do you have children is he looking after the children while you go out..there may be many factors that have changed over time here, are you keeping im contact with him while out and about, hps is he with other male friends is it this one directly or all males..I feel like insecurity can be a major reason that control starts to happen so that's why im asking