MIL wants my baby to call her mother

Note we are not native English speakers so the word is not mother but the synonym in our native tongue. She met my baby who is 7months for the first time last week. We live in a different country than my family and my in-laws, and I chose not to visit earlier to avoid any health issues and because I got back to work, so holiday season was the best opportunity. The first day we were there one of the nieces who is 10yo (and very gentle and kind) was telling my baby to call MIL mother and not Mamie (granny in french). I told her that if mil doesn't like mamie we can call her granny in our native language, but my baby's mother is me. This interaction happened in front of mil. The practice of calling a grandma mother dates from when my mom was a child, but our generation and those after don't do that. The niece that calls her mother is practically raised by her and her actual mom, and lives with her. Yesterday, we were sitting mil husband with baby in his arms and I, and she tells my baby come to mother 3 times, first time husband corrected go to mamie, second time I corrected the same and she still repeats a third. In the evening one of my SIL says to my baby you are with mother? To day my husband slips twice and says mother to my baby about his mother (he calls his mom mother), I catch it the second time and I tell him straight forward no we agreed I am her mother, mil is with him so she hears me (husband apologised in private but corrected to mamie Infront of his mom). Later we leave the baby with mil to go to be able to eat , and she says come to mother, I straight forward say 'no to granny', and she repeats herself come to mother! This is so frustrating, my husband says he will speak with her about it. But how can someone be so brazen...

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Are they Dominican?

@Harley they are north african

First of all, good on you for nipping this in the bud clearly and in front of people. Honestly, I think you're doing everything right. I think you continue to correct everyone firmly and politely. I doubt many people here will understand why grandmothers used to be called mother in your culture, so you will be the best judge of how to communicate this and enforce it. I think we have all had our run ins with MIL putting their desires above those of ours, and threatening or actually causing huge problems if they do not get their own way. My personal opinion is that this is the remnants of sexism dying out. They believe because they are the mother of the man, they will have a higher voice than the younger wife. All I can tell you is that it happens everywhere - I'm British and my Irish-American MIL does the same.

I'd take my child from her each time she dared to be disrespectful. Being around someone elses child is a privilege not a right and it can be revoked

Got it, reason I asked is because same in a lot of Dominican households. Including my Mom and grandma… we always grew up calling my grandma mom and my mom mommy. That’s what we were taught. But when I became a mother myself, it really bothered me. That my son would call his grandma, mom. So I asked my mom not to do that and it really bothered her, but I told her, that the only mom is me and she is his grandma. In your case, if things don’t improve after your husband talks to her, then you can either talk to her yourself or every time she says the word that means or sounds like mother you can add: oh yes, look it’s “mother grandma!” 😅

I just read the title to my husband and he said yeah that's way too much

@Stephanie thank you, I told my husband to talk to her this week while I am with my family. if things do not improve, I will try to talk to her most reasonable daughter before going directly to her.

@Samantha since she clearly understands that I don't like it yet continues, since yesterday I have tried my best not to let her stay with baby alone or even hold her. We'll see what happens when her son talks to her

@Harley the habit has already died with my generation, and even with older generations, they didn't all call their grandmothers' mother, so it isn't even standard. I would have been more tolerant of it if she was more empathetic with me during my pregnancy. She visited but only helped her son in his tasks, she only ate out, and would wait for me to cook if not eating out, she saw me struggle to walk, she saw me vomit ( and tried to hide it from my husband) and as soon as she left I was put on bedrest , and she'd say to my husband "good that she was already resting and not tiring herself" and for the two months of bedrest she sent me no message asking about me... So it irritates me more that she thinks she has the right to get her word over mine

@Jaylin thank you for validating my feelings 💜