Am I neglecting her?

You're allowed to use the bathroom in peace. She will be okay for a minute or 2.

Whilst he’s home ? 🙄

I'm curious who is the 11% that thinks you're neglecting your child when you go to use the bathroom. 🫣🤭 I'm sure the baby will be fine for a minute or two. 😅

@Fay no just me 😮‍💨nobody gets off work til 3/4

So not neglect at all so long as she's safe babies just cry for no reason

I’m literally so close to snapping, and tellin him to be a stay at home dad if he thinks its so fuckin easy😤😤I make more than him anyway😒

I don't think it's neglect, but, I think I usually put a towel or rug outside the door, left the door open to pee, and had baby on the floor. You don't have to hold baby 24/7 but they do tend to cry if you leave them alone so if you just keep them in sight, bub may not cry

@Chante' not necessarily neglect but I would make sure I had a monitor on my daughter so I could speak to her if she got upset, i do have anxiety because of watching a programme about SIDS ❤️

@Fay what the program say?!

@Chante' it was a British soap called emmerdale and it was a scene where a woman was told to ignore her sons crying by mil and she went up stairs later in the night and he had stopped breathing I believe the scene is on YouTube if you search “ emmerdale Daniel stops breathing” This came out when I was 11 years old x

@Fay i’ll check it out!

@Chante' I hope I’ve not upset or offended you, you deserve time to relax and enjoy yourself

@Fay not at all, it’s the person who originated the conversation that upset me😮‍💨this is my first child and nothing feels right so for him to say that makes me feel worse.

@Chante' he’s an ass bandit your feelings are valid I just have 1 child who is 2.5 and it still feels like I don’t know what I’m doing

Absolutely you are allowed to use the bathroom on your own as long as she is in a safe position however maybe look at bringing a bouncer chair into the bathroom whilst you shower/use the bathroom so you can both see each other, it might help with the crying

You're allowed to use the bathroom in peace and you're not neglecting her, just at that age babies still think they and mum are one person. Babies go from being warm and feeling safe, to feeling vulnerable. My daughter would also want to be held and often fell asleep on me, then I'd put her back in her cot, now she's a toddler she comes to me still for cuddles, to read stories, play and wants my attention but can be quite independent and I miss cuddling her to sleep.

Aka he don’t wanna hear her crying

Crying is good for the lungs even doctors say that

Do you have a bouncer? Could you bring them in the bathroom and put her in there?

@Bella i do have a bouncer but I hate putting her in it her head is too big to sit up. I usually leave her safely in her bassinet or in my bed before I pee. Even doing things when she sleeps she’ll wake up as soon as I’m gone for 30 seconds

As long as you’re not in there for hours. From the sounds of it the two of you have been lucky enough not to experience witching hour.

All I want for Christmas is an uninterrupted shit. Can he not hold the baby while you use the bathroom? Are his arms broken?

I'm sorry but you wouldn't be able to not put her down if you had a second child. Sometimes I have to leave my youngest to care for the needs of my oldest otherwise that would be neglect! Also children cry in car seats sometimes. How does he plan on you holding her then? During a car ride going 60 down the M1!? He needs to tune into reality. Leaving them to cry for a few moments isn't going to end their world. A mum needs to take care of herself to take care of her baby.

As long as they're in a safe space no. I was told by my health visitor that you can't always be there so there will be times they cry for like 10 minutes. I still now leave my daughter in a safe place and go to the toilet. Just now she has toys

Neglect is leaving her to cry cuz u feel like it for hours at that. Going to the bathroom alone is not a privilege why can’t he get the baby? I would’ve snapped immediately…

What? 🤣your allowed 2 mins of peace while you go to the bathroom, I don't take my babies when I go

I’d have someone hold her. At 8 weeks, pick the crying baby up. It’s understandable if you can’t hold her while on the toilet or in the shower, but then someone else should. If I didn’t have anyone else, I’d baby carry while on the toilet.

I put my daughter in her swing so I can shower and go for a week she’s 11 weeks and I’ve done it since my partner been back at work from 2 weeks old I wouldn’t say your neglecting atall x

I have 4 children & a SAHM. I have never taken any of my babies to the bathroom with me and never will. As long as baby is in a safe space and it’s not too long they will be fine!

IMO YES (and no)…don’t let your baby scream out for you and ignore it - if you can help it. If you are mentally frazzled then you need to focus on getting your health back and so baby being safe as the lowest standard must be maintained and then focusing on rehabilitation for that day/moment. There’s nothing wrong with cuddling them everything they feel scared. She feels safest with you. Some people swear by the cry it out method. I guess it makes them more independent once they realise there’s no mummy to save them in that period. Does she stop crying after a couple of days of this?

You do need some You time

@Samantha With 2 I imagined new born in arms while the toddler puts fingers under the door or walks around the bathroom while I’m ‘busy’. I thought that was just how it goes. Tell me about it! do you drive with a screaming baby!? does it stop? I don’t drive with her - tried oh I went to Cornwall from London and stopped Frequently. Now I get the train or she has to watch tv if it’s a car trip. I don’t think mine will stop screaming otherwise. I can’t brave it out for hours of screaming. Does yours stop naturally or cry themselves into oblivion? 😰😰😰

You ladies that can handle the screaming! More power to you. I’m sure they will be more independent later on in life and give you less tantrums/entitlement. Is that right?

@J 💃 i also had the dream of carrying the baby whilst dealing with a toddler. Not to be. I had a 1 half hour drive once, toddler screaming and baby screaming. It was dark no idea where I was so I couldn't pull over. I felt like I was going insane. I cried so much that drive

@Samantha 🫂 that’s hard work. 😓 💐

He is inexperienced and speaking nonsense little girl will be fine while you go potty if he's so concerned he can go pick her up and get off you about it geez Louise I'm mad for you we ride at dawn moms if multiples will tell you it's impossible to hold baby constantly when you have more than one child

@J 💃 in the case of this post, she's talking about using the bathroom. It takes a couple of minutes, not at all similar to the cry it out method or just dealing with screaming. I get not being able to deal with it at all!! but being able to tolerate cries or screaming for a couple minutes to use the bathroom isnt neglect if all baby's needs are met. Thats how you chip away at your own self care and mental health. And it letting them cry guarantees nothing for the future as far as independence and tantrums. They can calm down as they get older and develop more skills.

@Chante' pay him no mind. You deserve to have a peaceful pee girl smh. And if you dont learn how to do this now, it'll get so much harder later. My almost 7mo literally has no breaks. Hes never chill lmao he doesnt even fall asleep on his own even if I'm right beside him

Momma, you gotta pee haha. That’s not neglecting, that’s basic needs and you need to fulfill those to be able to be a good momma to her.

My daughters 3 months and I’ve never taken her to the bathroom with me. I’ll have a shower when she’s asleep, go to the toilet really quickly. As long as she’s fed and changed and doesn’t need anything else it’s okay to have 5 minutes. In the UK there’s this thing called ICON which says exactly this. I’m sorry but he’s in the wrong here

@Lauren that’s what I figure, like he spoils her with attention which is understandable but unrealistic

It could be colic if she's crying on hours more so after being fed too