Do you really like being a Mum? Thoughts on child free women

Why are you on an app for mums if you aren’t a mum? Not trying to be rude just genuinely asking

I always knew I want to have kids but I knew that pre-kids life is very different than life with kids. I postponed the decision to have a child for as long as I could. If it was up to me, I’d probably have my first in my 50s😄 but then at 33 I finally decided I should do it now and had my son at 34. I had amazing childhood and pretty good life overall so I do have moments where I slightly miss my pre-children life. I’m naturally a pretty free spirit independent person and autonomy means a lot to me so one of my deep fears was that I’ll just drown in motherhood and won’t be able to explore and travel as much as I used to. But as astonishing as it sounds, I visited more countries and traveled more after I had my son rather than before (my son is 3 now). I had a dream to show my son new country every year and it turned into reality, we travel together and we visit new country every year (this year we even overdid our plan and visited 2 countries). So, that’s my experience so far 💁🏻‍♀️💛

@Lauryn hi Lauryn, I am on this app because I want to know existing mums thoughts on this platform where I can get honest answers ..find it difficult to talk about with people in person.

I became a mum at 36, and my life was so empty before , I had a severe depression, and I did not enjoy of that so called single life...I would go out, tried to make friends but evetyrhing seems meaningless to me...I always dreamed about baby... Now I have a huge responsibility on me, but feels like my life so full now...I won't lie, is really very hard mentaly and physically...plus I don't have village and when you nearly 40 you obviously will have less energy...but all people are different some don't need children to live a full life and enjoy...others need children to feel happy...you should choose what is right for you.. I had a friend, 12 years older and she was single and always said does need children, but when she found out I was pregnant, she could not hide her jealousy, she realised she missed her time

I also want to add, your concerns are legit and I strongly believe having kids is not for everyone. There are people who never had kids and live happy lives just like there are people who regret having kids (and of course it’s very hard to admit openly and not everyone will). It’s a hard life decision for many 💛

Thank you ladies @Olga @Nastia @Shawna really appreciate your honesty on this topic , I think another factor that concerns me is that I’m 33, haven’t found Mr Right yet and feel I’m running out of time and stressing about when my life will fall into place regarding my love life 😅 like I mentioned I feel I had challenging childhood and feel like I’m abit behind in life x

I totally can relate...my childhood was far away from a happy childhood, I was not lucky with relationship and love life...I met my partner quite late and I was honest straight away that I need baby and don't have much time..he is not what I was dreaming about, and I feel a lot of responsibility on my shoulders, that's why my motherhood more challenging...plus no village is a big factor...I wish you happiness anyway xx

I just had my baby at 37 and turned 38 a month later so don’t stress about your age. I am also a single mum and had a rough childhood but she is literally worth everything I have ever been through

I always wanted kids. I have three. It’s extremely stressful at times but I literally live for them. They are my whole world

It’s the hardest but most rewarding and amazing thing I’ve ever done. They become literally the light of your life

Yeah there are hard parts, but hey I took my seven year old to roller disco the other day with my old childless bestie so I am almost back to all the stuff I love. Career wise things got blown up a bit just because I wanted to be with my kids more, but they are settling down nicely now. I think what makes a difference is how is your partner like, how are your friends and how is the rest of your life/village. Doesn't have to be perfect but you need to feel like people will rise up to help you and will include you. My mom is pretty crap, but we have a great school the kids go to that also makes sure to create community events. I think for adults that like everything settled sure no kids, but if you like adventure and you would feel like you would miss out on something in life then yeah it's something to plan for ( now might not be the right time, I had my youngest at 39).

After being asked if I was Grandmom yesterday at Walmart, I wish I had my son younger. I’m 36 and it’s isolating. I have no friends children the same age. I’m married but doing 98% of the raising in my child. My husband does bedtime routine to give me a break. It happened by pure dumb luck too. I love my child and he brought purpose to my life. Are there days I question why I did it? Sure especially because my husband is not a good father. He provides financially and that’s it. I’m grateful. I love being home with my child. I only wish he had patience. I wish he was more understanding and emotionally stable and supportive.

Hiya, I would say go with your gut and what it tells you. If you feel that right now it’s what you truly desire then just enjoy your life as it is now because you don’t want to feel resentful when your life changes so much after a child. In my personal experience I had my daughter at 27 after living a very free single life. I travelled and lived over seas and got to have some great experiences. However, I began to feel a void and was no longer happy doing the things I was doing. I longed for a family to call my own and felt that my home was empty. I could not imagine living my whole life without children. I struggled to conceive and the fear of being childless forever haunted me. My child is my greatest achievement in life and the biggest blessing and I want to give her some siblings if I can. Nothing else feels that important to me anymore, because she has enriched my life so much and I feel like she has given me a totally different perspective on life.

I have also lost my parents. My mum died when I was 7 months pregnant with my daughter and I don’t have a support network apart from my partner and sister. So the life I once knew I will never get back but in all honesty, I would not want it back. The love you feel for your child is the most pure, profound love you will ever feel. The days can be long and hard but one little cuddle or smile and it makes it all worth it. I try to not think of what I’m missing out on but what I have gained by becoming a mother. Only have a child if it’s truely what your heart desires because some people can feel resentful and miss their old life. It’s not all sunshine and roses it’s sleepless nights, putting yourself last, not having a shower all day because you’re so busy trying to care for your child. You have to learn to become selfless and it’s a huge adjustment when you only ever had to think of yourself before. The answer you seek lays within, maybe in a few years you will feel that true desire

And If not then you can still live a fulfilling life without a child. X

My husband and I were both on the fence about having kids but we've now deliberately got two so it can't be that terrible for us 😂 It's really, really hard sometimes though. So you have to be prepared for that. Being child free is a perfectly valid choice. Your concerns are real. My sister won't be having kids and I'm happy for her!

I would look at some of the child free Reddit’s too and get the perspective of people who did not have kids

No don't do it, don't have kids, it's not atrophy or atoy or a bucket list or cute bear... just don't. There's enough poor kids in world that have insufferable parents that don't want them, abused, neglected, even more disturbing ppl drowning their babies etcetc etc definitely more in America.. everyone just stop. Stop saying this movie promotion line of, so worth it, so exhausted, so worth it .. what hell... says who is worth it? If you have a sht husband or are a shhh*t mum.. just stop. Your life is over after a kid, if you do parenting right. Aka be there. If you're off globe trotting..ur just running away from looking at mirror of youth gone out of age and you wish you had a kid for borrow from library and give it back.

Just bunch lies, some ppl truly love their life and kids.. but don't go asking women. They aren't honest or truthful really most aren't. They want you to be miserable with them instead of warning ppl .. or helping others. They lie about how amazing it is, looking at urkid ( probably when they sleeping and not screaming head off ) while you cry in closet, sleep deprived and depressed with 1kid because the man your with is just adud and its hard work with no help.

They aren’t kids forever. It’s extremely hard but it’s super temporary and I know Too many people who are in their 40s/50s that desperately want children bc they didn’t have any.

I did everything, and I mean every single thing I wanted in my 20s, including traveling to 60 countries and 3 college degrees, some abroad. Otherwise I would've never been able to have kids. I made sure I had zero regrets. Having my baby changed my life for sure, but then again...it didn't. I still do the same things I did before, traveling, visiting friends, going to gym, hobbies, starting a new career...I just bring the baby or let my husband look after him. It doesn't have to be all or nothing, your life doesn't end after having a baby. It changes, but that's not always a bad thing. I love seeing the world through a child's eyes again, and having adventures as a family ❤️

Leaving this world without having any children was never a option for me. I would feel incomplete. I knew my purpose required having children It's the most rewarding thing I've done and I've done some pretty amazing things. Kids are not for everyone. It comes with alot of patience and sacrifices. I'm the amazing woman I am today because of my children. Triggers and traumas I never knew I had unfolded when my kids came. I was able to heal which I still am and break generational trauma I know my ancestors are proud. So it depends on your perception. If everything you listed sounds like a burden to you maybe kids are not for you at this moment

Best thing I ever did in my life. I got pregnant at 33, wish I did it earlier because I’d have more life to spend with her… and maybe could have a second more easily. 100% worth it. My life is enriched. Also, I didn’t really want kids beforehand. I had a great life — traveling, fantastic relationship with my husband… But I can travel again now that she is 2. My relationship has transcended. It’s all good.

I also meant to say that I had my youngest at 41, so there’s still time for you yet. I have a 3 year old and a 14 and 18 year old x