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Take away the things?🤷🏼♀️ or grounding him from having a specific thing? Like for my 4 & 5 year old it’s tablet time.
“It’s itchy” and he starts pulling on the back of his pants. I inspect and see where he’s been scratching around the tag. I then let him know we can try to cut the tag out or change his pants to make him more comfortable. After he is settled and more comfortable I then let him know how he can communicate that he’s uncomfortable. Over time he just starts telling me he’s uncomfortable instead of it becoming a major issue.
The issue isn’t the behavior but the source of the behavior. If you find the source you can defuse it and then use it as a teaching moment. I hope this helps!
@Clara I love this! I ask him what is wrong and try to talk about the issue because I know it hard for them to express their emotions since it’s new to them. Like for an example of how it went, ‘I asked him to go to the bathroom so we could leave’ he said no & I asked him to please go because he hadn’t went in a while and we always go before we leave the house. He got mad, covered his eyes and ignored me. That started the grunting and being mad. We ask him to take a breath so he can calm down a bit and then talk to us but he will scream no and stay mad.
@Rebekah we’ve tried this also and it makes him even more mad. Like stomping, screaming and like get very very worked up.
Of course we aren’t condoning the nasty behavior or enabling it. You can be stern and let him know he can use kind words to get what he needs, and he needs to control his body as tantrums are unsafe for him and others around him.
Totally normal for children his age to look for more control in those situations too! You can say, “Hey buddy it’s time to go potty! Do you want to walk to potty by yourself or would you like me to help you?” This narrows the view of outside possibilities and focuses on giving them some independence in the matter while still getting the thing done.
Ignoring is something I’ve been dealing with my son recently too. Most of the time it’s due to a need not being met as well. Everything has to stop get the child in front of you and go through HAULT before proceeding. This works every time now. Of course it takes some time for them to understand what you’re doing but when they do, they cooperate much better!
@Clara I appreciate all this sooooo much! We are definitely going to try this next time it happens! & I’m glad I’m not the only one going through it!
You are definitely not the only one!!! It’s completely developmentally normal! It’s actually a good sign that critical thinking and problem solving skills are coming online! Good luck!
@Clara thank you!!! I definitely knew it was normal but trying to handle it the best way possible and get tips!!
Hey! Preschool teacher and mom here! I use the HAULT method. I added the U but it goes the same way. Ask if the child is Hungry, Angry, Uncomfortable, Lonely, or Tired. One by one name and ask until they can label the issue. Children don’t just act out for no reason. These things cover just about everything they could be acting out about. Make sure they feel seen and heard. Don’t punish for them letting you know they are angry. Once they communicate the issue, your job is to show them how to fix it. For example My son was acting out, throwing things, being hateful with his words, etc. clearly trying to get my attention. I stopped, got in his level and said l, “Hey it is clear to me something is bothering you. Let’s talk about it. Is it… (name each HAULT, giving him time to answer between each one) turns out he was just super uncomfortable in his pants and he was acting out because he didn’t know how to tell me. “Oh, your pants don’t feel good? Can you tell me what it feels like?”