Should I let my mum potty train my daughter?? Please read context first

My mum has offered to potty train my daughter, she's a nanny and also works in a school, she is excellent with all ages of kids and potty training is kinda a scary thought to me! I trust her completely to do it, but people are saying that its rude to accept her offer or that I'll regret letting her as its a milestone thing or that I'll just look lazy.

Read more on Peanut

The views expressed in community are solely the opinions of participants, and do not reflect those of Peanut.

Learn more about our guidelines.
Add a comment
Avatar

Both do it šŸ¤·šŸ»ā€ā™€ļø if she has experience watch how she does it and follow example

Avatar

Just another stupid opinion people give. Do what works best for you.

Avatar

Personally I found potty training the WORST stage of being a parent with my eldest so if you have someone close to you and your child who is experienced enough to do it for you successfully and you avoid the stress of it I'd say go for it, I'm dreading going through it again with my secondšŸ˜… x

Avatar

My mother-in-law potty trained her first grandson because she was looking after him while my brother & sister-in-law went to work as they couldn't afford childcare at the time. We are not looking forward to potty training our little boy, so if we had the option to have someone do it for us, we would jump at the chance.

Avatar

She can start it, sure. But you’re the one living w the daughter so she’ll need to pass on some advice and you’ll need to continue it at home, that’s all. We potty trained my boy w my sisters’ since we were coincidentally at my sisters’ over the weekend on a hot day while he was in undies running around the backyard w his cousins, and when I wasn’t in the room my sisters would ask him to go toilet or take them for me so we did it as a group- village style. But yeah nothing wrong w your mum initiating the training, you’ll have to continue her methods at home is all. Which I’m sure you’ll do anyway. As long as you’re okay w it that’s all that matters

Avatar

If your mum wants to do it, let heršŸ¤·šŸ¼ā€ā™€ļø Esp if she's with your child the most throughout the day, then just follow her lead with it. At the same time there does need to be boundaries (as you are the parent) so do have your say on the matter.

I agree with one of the above comments; I disliked potty training & would absolutely get someone else to do it given the chancešŸ˜…

Avatar

Going through potty training currently, and fking hell it's the worst. That and weaning. If someone will do it for you go for it 🤣

Avatar

It needs to be both of you doing it and being consistent. I’m assuming she’s not with your mum 24/7.

Avatar

I would LOVE it if someone else started potty training for me šŸ˜‚

Avatar

The people saying that probably just want you to suffer the misery that they did because they had no one else to help them through potty training. Take your mom's help. It's not lazy because you'll have to be doing it too as well as your mum

Avatar

Personally I'd want to do it myself but why not do it together

Avatar

@Megan I dont think its that. I'd want to do it myself so I can say I've done it and not someone else has. I'm proud that I've potty trained my son and how quick he picked it up. I dont think its other women want her to go through the misery they did. It's all part of parenting šŸ¤·ā€ā™€ļø

Avatar

As long as you two agree and communicate on how to do it, it should work out.

Avatar

You’re gonna be doing it too it’s not just her. Unless you’re just never present and never going to see your child every single day… you are definitely a part of that process as you will have to facilitate it at home. When they potty train in daycare, they don’t just potty train at school and send the toddlers home for mom to not have to keep up with it lol. It’s a team effort. Sounds like you have an amazing mom and whoever is telling you that is just jealous bc potty training is miserable in the beginning!

Avatar

Every kid is different, each kid I have had has just gotten worse at it. I would try everything I could. I don’t really care about peoples opinions when I comes to most things tho so I’d let her try.

Avatar

Yeh why not if she’s willing to help, that being the key word I guess as I imagine your child lives with you so you will be a part of the process too. My mum has worked in childcare her whole life also, and was a part of potty training mine mainly because she was looking after him full time whilst I was at work. But outside of those hours it was on me.

Avatar

The worst of the worst for me was potty training, took us a full year to get to no accident consistently (poo accident are just horrible😫)....that said, does your mum lives with you? Because you will have to do with her the same method she will implement. So be sure to be ready as well. Seems like she will help you but not necessary do the all thing herself which is already great. Take any help you can get and be brave lol

Avatar

I’m dreading it so I would absolutely let her 🤣 i’d want to be present though in case I don’t agree with anything but mostly because i’d feel left out if I didn’t participate

Avatar

Listen you’re gunna have to do it in some capacity anyways if your LO isn’t always with your mum so take the help it’s a SAVAGE point of the parenting process šŸ˜‚šŸ˜‚ā™„ļøā™„ļø

Avatar

Let her but you still gotta do your part of continuing what she started

Avatar

Your mum sounds like a pro, I’d deffo do it with her.
Let her be the teacher & your moral support for your LO.

Avatar

she's gonna have to go through it herself regardless, there's nothing wrong with accepting help from her mom and she doesn't have to feel lazy for it.

Avatar

@Megan yes absolutely accept help but I was explaining why most women would want to do it themselves. As someone said everyone saying do it herself is because they want her to go through the misery too..

Avatar

if someone's telling her that she's gonna look lazy for accepting her mom's help they're not really a friend and are most likely envious of the help they've been offered. If it was just that she would regret it that's different and I'd totally agree with you. But these people making those comments don't sound like friends in my opinion which is why I made that comment

Avatar

I personally wouldn't let someone else doing it but that's just me. If you feel confortable and relieved then go for it. šŸ¤—

Avatar

My aunt potty trained my cousins daughter for my cousin, I don't think anyone said she was lazy she was pregnant and working full time and my aunt is just great at it and also works at primary school
It's up to you how you feel and if these kind of comments upset you. Its not the milestone anyone wants to have done and I think many kids like the potty training parent a bit less during parts of it rather than it always being a nice bonding experience!

Avatar

Thank you everyone!!

I guess for more context, my mum lives abroad so my little one will be going over for holiday anyway, and my mum just offered to do it while shes there (I'll be dropping her off and leaving so they have proper bonding time) they see eachother a lot so they're comfortable around eachother. And of course i know I'll have to continue once shes home, just gets the first hurdle done šŸ˜‚

Avatar

Omg your mum is a godsend.
I’d highly suggest she takes the 50 million first accidents of your hands!!!

Avatar

That sounds perfect to be honest! especially if she’s going there anyway she can get her started :) the only thing i’d worry about is missing out on some ā€˜firsts’ but maybe videos or calls could substitute if you wanted to do that

Read more on Peanut

Trending

in our community

I've finally done it

I have finally done it. I have finally become the trope, the stereotype.

I have become bitter, resentful, and very overwhelmed and overloaded. I am very unhappy and hit burnout. And I snapped at my husband last night. I work full-time, and work has been very busy so im working late a lot. Im also in grad school. I also have a toddler that has become VERY clingy with me. My husband works shorter days but commutes, so he usually gets home after me by an hour or more. When he gets home, he usually heads to the restroom for at least 30 mins when he gets home. And now my toddler doesnt want anything to do with him. So im doing all the toddler duties until bed. I dont get 5 mins to myself. Not for almost 2 years. I finally hit my wall. I have also, somehow, become my MILs medical ride service and she somehow has an appt every week, it seems?! Shes not sick!! My husband was complaining that he needs to change routine to fit in a workout sometimes, and I lost it. I have been BEGGING for 5 mins to myself for months. I have been telling him how im not good, im going to burn out for months. And between his attitude and him complaining (which really got me b/c he blames me for not being able to work out?! Saying I need help when he gets home so he just cant workout now) I just lost it completely. I told him how unfair my life has become and I have the entire mental and emotional load and it is just not fair. He got mad at me and said "hes trying" when hes literally not trying at all. What do I do?? No one is taking the load from me! And im done and dont know what to do now.
I do not like this version of me.

Avatar

4

22

Is this clever or cruel?

My husband and i were talking and with social media and the internet in general being a terrifying dumpster fire, we are trying to figure out the best way to keep our son safe while still teaching him how to safely be online and moderation.

We landed on the idea of giving him the 90's kid treatment. A computer in the living room for us to keep an eye on what hes doing online, and once we feel hes mature enough to hang with friends without adult supervision he gets a flip phone. When we feel he is responsible enough and he earns and saves up the money for the physical phone, case, and screen cover, then we will be happy to take him to get a smart phone.

I thought this was air tight, but now my brother says its cruel to give a kid a flip phone, and besides he can just use his friends phones at school.

My husband and i remember a time before the internet, and we remember having complete access to something no one understood yet. We saw unspeakable things and are always battling with the urge to put the phone and social media down. I dont want that for my son, especially with his brain so vulnerable still.

Avatar

2

35

AITA?

This isn't a major issue, just wondering if I'm being a bit of an asshole.

• I do shift work, 5 out of 7 days, full-time.
• My partner works from home (mostly, sometimes he goes into the office) M-F, full-time.

Anyway, whenever I have a day off during the week he gets in his feelings when I make myself food (breakfast and lunch) but not him. His reason is he's working, I'm not - Which is fair but I've asked him how many times on a weekend has he gotten up, on his day off and made me breakfast and a lunch to take with me to work? You guessed it, 0.

So basically, just because I'm at home I don't think the responsibility to feed him should automatically fall on me when he manages to feed himself just fine while I'm at work.

Avatar

1

26

If your partners parent passes away

And you and that parent didn't get along are you still go to the funeral?

Not my situation!

Avatar

20

Partner no longer wants baby #2

Before our son was born we originally both wanted minimum 2 kids but we were hoping for 3-4. My partner found the birth traumatic to watch and also struggled a lot with the newborn/baby stage. He no longer wants to have any more children and it’s completely breaking my heart. I need another baby. We’ve spoken about it a lot and the options. He said he wasn’t COMPLETELY closed off to it so I asked him to try and work through his feelings and reconsider his decision. He eventually said he definitely doesn’t want another. I know that I will always want one and my feelings will never change. Do we have to break up or does anyone know anything else I can do to help change his mind? Has anyone else’s partner said this and then changed their mind? I don’t want to break up because I adore him and our life together and I’d hate to split up our family for ā€œselfishā€ reasons and make my son miss out on having both of us together but I just don’t know what to do

Avatar

15

Nursery funding

My child turned 9 months last week. I applied for government funded hours nearly 2 months ago and so well within the required timeframe for the April term, however upon receiving my first invoice without the funding applied and having questioned this, I have now been informed that the stretched funding doesn’t start until 4th May.

Has anyone else been told it won’t start until May?

The government site states it should start from April 1st, and so I intentionally set my nursery start and return to work as the start of April for that reason, knowing that I wouldn’t be able to afford the nursery on my sole income without the funding

Avatar

5

Read more on Peanut