I’m just scared

Hey lovely human. I'm sorry you're stuck in the cycle of fear... it can feel like it'll never end but I promise it will and here's why. Everything we think, do, say, with repetition becomes a habit. Some are useful for us and some, not so much. They come from a place of self protection but sometimes there's faulty wiring so basically our brain notices us feeling anxious and so places something (a thought) there to combat/ ignore/ fight in some way. Once we've had this same thought a few times it becomes familiar, and even if it's not true we've already associated with it and so have an attachment to that idea. In this situation you have a fear linked with birth/ baby/ future (keeping it vague in that realm as you didn't say specifically what you're scared of) and your brain's reaction has been to block it out to try and help you. Only it's not actually helping you because a lot of fear for people in these scenarios is of the unknown elements... the lack of being able to predict... so our fear is around

Worst case scenarios etc. A way to combat this is to face the worst case and best case scenarios and everything in between... because often the reality is pretty normal and average and not much to fear... even though our helpful brains have been sneakily telling us otherwise.

To start with... when these moments of fear get intense try breathing in slowly then exhaling for twice as long, until you consciously notice your heart rate lowering and your body releasing whatever tension you held. Then start picturing the birth/ parenting/ future/ whatever it is you're scared of. Acknowledge that you're allowed to feel scared and have done up until this point but that you're wanting to change that. Imagine one of your triggers... the thought/ image/ moments that normally spark this fear in you... is it your baby bump... the medical letters... whatever it is. Picture it. Allow the anxiety/ fear to pop up. Then breathe like I mentioned earlier. Then ask yourself "when I see that... what do I want to feel instead".

I can continue with the rest of the exercise in DMs but realise I've clogged up comments here for you so just message if you want more help from me🌻🌈

Not much help but I’m in the same boat as you! Have always been terrified of a vaginal birth so c section has been my only route. I’m also a control freak so the idea of not knowing when I’m going to go into labour terrifies me. Once we agreed on a date, I instantly felt relieved. Also had a couple of friends who very recently gave birth via elective c sections, both very positive stories, out and about after a few days, both super happy, so that helped a lot. Also most horror stories I’ve heard about c sections seem to be about emergency ones, and electives seem like a very different experience. I’m still very nervous but I’m trying to think past that and instead focus on preparing the nursery, shopping for the baby, picking names etc, anything to occupy my brain!

Not much help but a positive story when the idea of a c-s terrified me. Mine was not elective, but emergency, and although there was a lot of fear surrounding my daughters well-being (who was actually absolutely fine), the c-s itself was great. The staff were amazing and reassuring and every aspect of the procedure went brilliantly. Recovery, for me as everyone is so different, was also perfect. They advise bed rest for a little while, although do promote small amounts of walking around the house and not to lift anything heavier than baby. That being said, I delivered my daughter via section at 00:34 24th July, and at 14:00 on the 25th I went for a walk to a coffee shop. It wasn't comfortable, but I needed to get out and healed fine. I had also self discharged on the 24th as soon as all checks were done. Ultimately, it was all a really positive experience, and if I ever decided on another baby, I'd opt for elective c-section. This is all to say, I know it's scary, but you've got this mamma 💕