@Rebecca my mum was exactly the same! Her 'help' was to hold baby. She came and stayed in a hotel when my hubby went back to work to help me out but basically was just her wanting to be entertained! One morning she decided to not come over until 11 because she fancied a relaxed morning, obviously not helpful in the slightest!
I haven't been in a similar situation. My mom only lived three hours away when I had my first but she was so unhelpful. The only thing she wanted to do to "help" was hold the baby. But I am sorry you're struggling with not having your mom there with you for your first baby. That's really hard