AITA ?

We cut my SIL off for having an opinion about not circumcising our son and i aged her if labiaplasty was offer for girls would she do it just because large labias are made fun of and more likely to get an infection and she said yes without hesitation. I dont want her around our kids at all so i dont plan for us to attend anymore family events
Like
Share Mobile
Share
  • Share

Show your support

Everyone is entitled to their opinions you need to learn how to listen to what other people have to say. You don’t have to take it on, or care, but you should learn to understand and tolerate that others will always have a differing POV to you. I think cutting her off was way too harsh and poor communication on your end. I’m not even sure where the Labiaplasty issue comes in to this and that’s a personal decision for those who have experience with that. If you don’t like what she has said to you, confront her or ignore her. But cutting her off is immature and a massive non-confront. I would never cut someone off for having an opinion. That is so wild to me.

@Sera Kay ✨ agreed with you. Like I don’t like my relationship with my auntie but I would never cut off relationship, coz at the end of the day she’s family, and I will continue to speak up if I don’t like her opinion, but cutting off is just a bad example for the kids, and at the end, we are all human, so some people just need to learn from us.

Sounds like a pretty ridiculous reason to cut a family member off tbh

I have family I don’t interact with anymore and it’s made my life less stressful. I have more time/energy for those who are in line with our values and will be good examples for my child. Family or not I have standards for who is around. This issue in particular may be “an opinion” but if it’s important to you then it’s important to you.

NTA, having a strong opinion on my son's genitals as their aunt is WEIRD. And idk if she's saying she'd get labiaplasty for herself or for her daughter but either way answering "yes" without hesitation is also weird, it's like she either actually feels that way about removing parts of labia (which would be wild) or she just said yes immediately without thinking about it because she wants to change your mind about your own child's genitals THAT badly. It's all weirdo behavior and I'm honestly surprised so many people would just let that slide. Anyone who keeps thinking my son's foreskin is their business is getting removed from our lives, I don't play like that. I'd still attend family events but wouldn't associate with her.

Sounds super dramatic to me, I’m sorry. & this is coming from someone who also does not circumcise. I would not cut anyone off or say I don’t want my children to be around them and miss all family events just because of something like this. I could see if she was disrespectful but doesn’t sound like she was rude at all. People are allowed to have an opinion that you don’t agree with.

What a wild reason to cut someone off 😣

I’ve had opposing opinions given from multiple family members in a completely non confrontational or problematic way. It’s not that serious. Just agree to disagree and tell her you’d appreciate it if she kept her negative comments to herself if she continues on to “criticize or make fun” if your son.

I think it depends An opinion is fine , people have those , voicing it to you isn’t , it wasn’t her place. I think if she’s said this to you and you’ve said I don’t want to talk about this with you / it’s not your place , and then she continued to go on about jt , that’s very weird and I would probably cut her off too. That’s just not respecting boundaries as a bare minimum

Yes. Everyone is entitled to their opinion. Weird reason to cut your kids off from their family. Why should they not be able to see their aunt just because something very minor she said upset you. I don’t even agree with her but I wouldn’t cut her off.

Yes, but not because family is family. I can't imagine how often circumcision/labiaplasty would come up in conversation, and unless you have a genuine fear that she would be left alone with your child and attempt to circumcise him, I don't know why differing beliefs would be that big of an issue. But I have a feeling you have MANY differing beliefs and this is just the one that broke the camel's back.

Surprised how negative these moms are honestly. Kinda sad. This is your life and personally, If someone was that comfortable speaking about my son’s foreskin, to where it became a problem, I’d be cutting them off too. Please don’t let these super hurtful things on here affect you. This is your life and your baby. Toxic is toxic.

Bottom line is we don’t know the full story and no one else’s opinions on this should matter. It’s up to you, your family, and your gut instincts. Boundaries can be set however you want mama.

I guess it depends. The way this is worded makes it sound like this was a one time conversation and then you cut her off. That seems like a leap to me. It's okay for her to have a different opinion from you, and it's okay for her to have voiced it IF you brought the conversation up first (respectfully, of course). If this is a pattern of hers, voicing strong opinions and being rude, etc. then, sure, cut her off. But I think if this was just a one off thing, you can have a conversation about boundaries (meaning you mention you don't want to discuss this again) and continue the relationship. I have a lot of different opinions on things that my family might not agree with and that's okay! I can still have a good and loving relationship with them. We are all just doing what we think is best for our families. I would only cut someone off if they constantly were bringing this up and being demeaning about it.

Basically, you're never ever going to 100% agree on every single thing in life with people. It'll be a lonely life if you cut off every person who has a different opinion than you. I'd reserve cutting people off for those who hold that their opinion is the only correct one and belittle everyone else for thinking differently.

Try today for free
Scan the QR code and join the app
to connect with women at a similar stage in life.
Download Peanut to connect with women at a similar stage in life.

StarStarStarStarStar-Half

Trusted by 5M+ women

Logo
Try today for free
Scan the QR code and join the app
to connect with women at a similar stage in life.
Download Peanut to connect with women at a similar stage in life.

StarStarStarStarStar-Half

Trusted by 5M+ women

Logo

I understand that this is a very sensitive subject and I would encourage everyone kinda belittling the decision of whether to cut SIL off or not, to consider that. FGM is very very widely protested, and imo, the original poster has a good point comparing it to circumcision in my opinion. Cutting off a part of the natural human body at birth can feel very violent for sine people, can we understand and respect that? We all know how it feels to be protective of our babies don’t we? Saying that, I do also really value family relationships even if they’re very tricky and I would personally have a good deep chat with her and see if you can reach some agreement of boundaries with her?

As someone who has had to limit contact with certain family members after longterm and longstanding disrespect and abuse, this seems like an overreaction to a single exchange. I feel like it's worth asking: is this the first conflict you've had with her? Or was this just the last straw? ETA: Also, how did this topic come up? I have a son and literally nobody has ever raised this topic with me, so I feel like the context of the conversation matters a ton.

As you’re reading everyone’s advice just remember everyone grew up in different environments with different beliefs. So take peoples advice with a grain of salt. At the end of the day you feel how you feel for a reason. I’ve also learned that some people get on here and be quick to attack or judge people for no reason. So how they feel about your situation shouldn’t hold much weight. My open is be open to feedback but don’t run with it. Also I don’t believe in the whole family is family. Some family members are shitty and that’s that.🤷🏾‍♀️ Also you may have more context as to why you would like to cut her off and sometimes it’s a lot to type out to get others opinions. Wishing you the best no matter what decision you make. Honestly the most important thing family is the one you make.

Your kids genitalia shouldn’t be a concern of hers 😩

So you cut her off for having an opinion that’s different from yours?🥴

Alright I keep seeing people say "everyone has their own opinions" & sure, but it's different when you're talking the wellbeing of your own child and personal parenting choices. Everyone has their own opinions but if your family told you they think you should be spanking your child, sending them to bed without dinner, get their ears pierced, etc. (those are things lots of us on this app seem to disagree with) I'm sure you'd be bothered if a family member kept pushing to try and change your mind on the subject or insisting that they're right and you're wrong. It's her son's penis, it's no one else's business and not her place to have an opinion on it.

@FairyMother 🦖🌸 it is interesting to hear a different perspective . My daughter calls my sister “mom Cathy”. We’re close and she loves my kids as if they were her own. Any remarks she may make come out of genuine love and concern and she is welcome to make them. I would NEVER cut off a family member because they gave their opinion. Even though most of the time I don’t take their advice

@Marième I think that's fine & fair, it's good to hear from a different perspective sometimes, but personally I couldn't be okay with anyone thinking they have a say about my child's body parts and would be distancing myself in that situation, it's just something I take very seriously

@Ragine it’s rude to have opinions unasked about something personal

@𝐼𝑜𝒶𝓃𝒶 anyone can have an opinion about anything, literally. It’s only rude if a person is being disrespectful with their opinion. And who said she didn’t ask? Incognito hasn’t even given any more context.

@Elena Girl, your response screams "I would say that same thing as her SIL" 🤦‍♀️

@FairyMother 🦖🌸 this is all true but I don’t see where incognito stated her sister in law was trying to push her opinion on her or trying to get her to change her mind?

I understand being annoyed about someone giving their unwarranted opinion, but if they are being respectful and just speaking their mind I think it’s absurd to just completely cut them off and avoid going to all family events because of one persons opinion. She did not say her sister in law was forcing anything on her or anything of that nature. According to the post they just have different opinions and that’s ok!!

@Ragine To me it sounded like she was just saying anything she could to try and change this mom's mind, because why else would someone, without even thinking about it, agree to getting their own (or their daughter's) labia trimmed? It just seems like she wants to be right when it isn't even her decision or business

@FairyMother 🦖🌸 well it sounds like she had her own views on surgeries. Many people do. Circumcision comes up all the time with boys. And yeah maybe she was saying anything she could think of to be right and who cares? I think this is probably one of the situations where you say okay thanks for your opinion and continue to do whatever the hell you think is right with your own kid. Not everything needs to be an argument or result in everyone being on the same side.

Try today for free
Scan the QR code and join the app
to connect with women at a similar stage in life.
Download Peanut to connect with women at a similar stage in life.

StarStarStarStarStar-Half

Trusted by 5M+ women

Logo
Try today for free
Scan the QR code and join the app
to connect with women at a similar stage in life.
Download Peanut to connect with women at a similar stage in life.

StarStarStarStarStar-Half

Trusted by 5M+ women

Logo

@Meghan If that works for you that's fine, I personally will not be associating with anybody who thinks I'm wrong for leaving my son intact or feels they have a place to tell me their preference about my own child's genitals. Its not that deep to some, but it is that deep to me 🤷🏻‍♀️

Cutting her off for only this is crazy to me. Cutting her off if this is the last straw because she has a loud rude annoying opinion about everything that’s not her business would make more sense. I don’t have sons and consistently stay out of any discussion around circumcising as I have no skin in the game. 🤭

@Dana 🦅♥️🤍💙 😂 Well done

A bit extreme Everyone’s allowed their opinions and if you could cut some one off for being true to themselves then she’s better off with out you. sounds like you done her a favour.

So I think it's a bit childish, because it's your business as mom to your kids. And her, hers. You basically had the parenting equivalent of a philosophy discussion and you disagreed. It's possible to have a full relationship and agree to not discuss the topic of disagreement. But it requires you both to be mature enough to agree with disagreement on it. I disagree with the basics of marriage with my parents. Because they interpret the Bible very different than I. I learned that staying away from that topic, is the key to a enjoyable visit. And we can do it, because we recognize that we both have a right to disagree. (I'll admit it gets hot and uncomfortable sometimes! Weddings are particularly uncomfortable for me, but I vent heavily to my husband! And I'm very careful that he doesn't pick up their beliefs. Because if I'm not an equal partner, I'm a doormat. And that's not an option)

@Temperance people are allowed to ask questions?!!!! Especially family and most importantly you don’t even know how the conversation came up, she could’ve volunteered the information.

YALL IN THESE COMMENTS SAYING SHES IN THE WRONG NEED TO LEAVE AND GET OFF THIS APP. YALL ARE BEING SO GOD DAMN DISRESPECTFUL AND IM TIRED OF IT

I had family encourage us to circumcise because its more attractive. But they also reiterated that they would say no more and that whatever decision we made would be respectable. Ive actually heard that argument a lot and its very disturbing to me.but if someone keeps pushing your decision then yes imo they care too much and thats weird and we wont be associating much if at all

@Temperance immature much. It’s unrealistic to expect everyone to never ask questions. It’s never that serious but to each their own!!! Also none of this is your business yet you’re still here commenting your opinion. Just like everyone has the right to!

The amount of unintentional puns in these comments 😭

It sounds like by trying to avoid your SIL you would also be avoiding that entire side of the family. I don’t think you’re an asshole but, for me, I wouldn’t want my children to miss out on a relationship with half of their extended family because one person was being icky. I also wouldn’t want to keep my partner from their family. Idk the specifics of your situation tho so 🤷‍♀️

Honestly a concern would be that as the child ages, the SIL would maybe make passive aggressive comments to the kid to make them feel shame & "othered", & might even recruit her own child to say something to their cousin as they age. If she is willing to agree with labiaplasty comment just to be "right" in her mind to prove her point to the parent, I don't trust her to not be a jerk & make comments to the kid as they age & deal with body changes & potential bullying from uneducated people, let alone uneducated family. Hard pass on toxic people, don't care if it's family or not. Toxic is toxic. Break cycles & remove that shit from your life. No child needs to potentially be exposed to someone who has made it clear to the parents that they will make unsolicited & uninformed comments about the baby's body, & then they double down on their uneducated unsolicited comments just to prove their self-believed being "right". That's weird & toxic AF.

Especially if they were ever to be at family functions or asked to babysit & do a diaper change or bath time. Would SIL be willing to learn & follow through with No forced retraction/pushing foreskin back during a diaper change or bath time? Or is it possible she would force retract anyway just cuz she thinks she knows better, or worse to be spiteful to cause harm/problems for the baby/family? I wouldn't trust her to be alone with the kid after the agreement to a labiaplasty comment, even if just to prove her self believed "rightness". She seems a tad unhinged & giving red flags.

Read more on Peanut
Trending in our community