in May 2024 Babies 🇺🇸

Struggling

This is going to be a long one. I am 19. I have been wanting to get back into therapy I feel like I really need it bad now. I am 7 months pp and I feel like I’m drowning sometimes. I can’t control myself anymore, especially with my boyfriend I feel so bad but sometimes it’s like a switch we could be doing fine and one little thing could set me off for example we could go to bed and be perfectly fine and in the morning I’m a complete b!tch, I’m crying, I feel empty, I feel like he doesn’t care (he’s amazing fr) and I don’t know what to do. We could be having an amazing time together and all the sudden I just feel sad. This has been an issue way before I had my baby but it’s never been like this. I can’t control myself anger sometimes (I would never EVER hurt my baby just to clarify this has nothing to do with him) but when my boyfriend is home and I get like this maybe overstimulated? I literally feel it through my whole body like I want to scream I usually leave the room and I cry and throw one or two things and just break down. When my son is whining when I know there’s nothing wrong I get upset and tell him to stoppppp and I feel so bad because I know he’s not doing anything wrong and I try so so soooo hard to keep myself calm around him because I don’t want him to be mentally effected by me. I get waves of sever anxiety like someone is going to break in (we are alone from 12:30pm-9:30pm sometimes 12am) or I just feel anxious for no reason or especially when my son cries I get very anxious. I just want to stop being like this my boyfriend handles it well but I’m so scared one day it’s going to be too much for him. It causes (I cause) a lot of not fights but arguments I would say. I try so hard and he helps me so much with the baby but sometimes it feels like he doesn’t help at all when I have these episodes. I feel like I’m alone, and doing everything myself but in reality I’m not. I haven’t told anyone this before because I feel like I’m going crazy sometimes and I don’t want anyone to think I’m unsafe for my son because I would never even scream at him I love him so much. If I didn’t have a baby I probably would not be where I am today. If you read all of that thank you for listening and please leave advise or if anyone is going through this leave a message. Thank you❤️

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@Ellina thank you❤️

I don’t know anything about your background, but do you have a history of childhood trauma? I used to have similar issues and they stemmed from childhood trauma. When I saw a trauma-specific therapist and got treatment called EMDR these issues drastically improved. Might be worth looking into!

@Jana I do. I will definitely look into that. My mom has bpd though do you know if that can that be passed down?

Post partum js a very real thing. Go chat with your OB. He/she can help. I still get waves and I’m 22 months pp. The smallest things will set me off due to things like isolation and overstimulation -etc etc. Motherhood is the biggest job on earth. Your hormones run wild months, even years after birth. You’re not crazy. You’re just a new mom going through the motions. Try to give yourself some grace. It does get better/easier! Sending love

My mom has BPD as well and that’s where a lot of the trauma I was exposed to came from. From what you’re describing you seem to be getting triggered a lot and because you haven’t processed the childhood trauma through something like EMDR, you’re not able to cope with certain life stressors in a healthy way. I can’t say for sure as I’m not a professional but would urge you to get trauma therapy. It is drastically more helpful than typical therapy in my experience. My life and relationships were extremely chaotic beforehand and now I can cope without getting dysregulated. Try to find someone who’s certified in EMDR and has a good amount of experience with it. If you live in Illinois I have a good referral but she only takes illinois clients.

This website has a directory of certified therapists and is where I found mine: https://www.emdria.org

Hey I don't know how or why but I'm honestly the exact same way I'm also 19 (July) and I had my baby on may 30th. I literally thought I was the only one especially being 19 and not married I feel that. I live with my boyfriend and his family but I also feel like I'm always touched out or over stimulated. I also have extreme seperation anxiety with the baby. When I have those episodes too or when my baby just cries my boyfriend is off doing something else and I feel like he's just free to go do whatever and not have to worry about anything and I'm so jealous and upset about that because of I bring it up he gets mad. But I still love him. If you want to talk more or want my support let me know if love to have support too especially since we're in a similar situation. We need all the support we can get and I too feel like I'm alone and most of the time helpless or not sure who to go to for help.

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