in In a relationship but basically doing on your own.

What do I do?

My boyfriend and I are expecting our first, way sooner than we planned. We wanted to wait a few more years. Birth control didn’t work and now here we are. We are perfectly happy when we’re not talking about the baby or getting engaged. I’m sad and want to talk to him about it but every time I do, it ends up with me getting emotional and him turning emotionless. He doesn’t want to propose right now anymore because “the baby complicates things”. (He’s got a ring and was going to propose on NYE). I’ve already told him that I need his support through this and that we can figure it out with each other. I’ve told him that when he is so negative about this, it makes it hard for me. I’ve acknowledged the fact that things are going to change and that the timing isn’t great, and yet he can’t seem to get past how things will only change for him and how negative it is for him. I need help on navigating what to do/how to talk to him. We love each other and still want to be with each other.

Show your support

If you just told him this week maybe he’s just panicking. But otherwise if that’s how he acts now I don’t think he’s going to be up to the task postpartum when you will REALLY need his love and care and support. Or for the next 18 years of raising kids when you will need a partner who’s invested in the relationship, the housework, the child raising. The fact that he seems to have basically told you he was going to propose but now he’s mad you’re pregnant and so now he’s not going to marry you for ruining his life is a massive red flag! Honestly don’t tie yourself to this guy. Tell him you cheated and it’s actually not his and don’t put him on the birth certificate. At least then you can move on and have a chance of ending up with someone nice. This guy is not demonstrating that he cares about or wants to be with you . So honestly he’ll probably be relieved. You can show him this if you want, if there’s any chance he actually does care maybe he will get his priorities straight

My husband and I were only a few months married. Living with my parents. When I told him I was pregnant and it was full blown panic for him. After a few weeks he was finally ready to talk about things. I would just give him some time before having the conversation. Yes a baby changes things. But honestly not so much for the dads. The solo depend on mom (at least in my case) with a BF baby who refused a bottle. I was up in the night feeding. And changing and all things baby. Yes he was a little more tired for work. Yes he had to help clean the house more or cook a few meals. But it’s all about the balance. On a positive note. If you wait until baby is about 2 for your wedding they will be the cutest addition. As a ring bearer or flower girl. They may not remember your big day but you will. And the pictures will last a lifetime time. My boss got married with a 2.5 year old. And her wedding pictures are priceless!

It’s the normal freak out that dads have. Give him some time. Note down what you want to discuss and find the positive spin on things. Yes things will change. Yes things can be tough. But the joy and love you’re about to experience you heart is just going to grow so much bigger. Congratulations girly. It’s scary but such an amazing ride!

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