Don't know how to feel about motherhood

FTM, 30 years old. 37 weeks, 2 days. Since I found out I was pregnant, I've had a hard time accepting it. I had different plans for myself - wanted to move away from my hometown with my boyfriend and start my masters for wildlife biology somewhere. I do want to have children, just not now. I'm still not used to the idea of my child being born and am honestly somewhat resentful of it happening right now. The emotional and physical toll of being pregnant on top of supporting myself and buying my first house so our child has somewhere to grow up for the first few years of her life (better than renting I'm thinking), my boyfriend unexpectedly moving in with no job, car or license before he was ready to. I've lived by myself for years so within a month, I'll have my boyfriend and daughter with me which is a huge change for me to get used to. I'm not ready for the lack of sleep (have already been chronically fatigued for years), more sacrifices for her and her health, the what sounds like never-ending breast feeding/pumping. My boyfriend asked if I was excited to meet our daughter soon, and I shrugged my shoulders and said I didnt know. He asked what was wrong with me... do I sound selfish or ungrateful? I appreciate the family I'm creating, whether unexpected or not, but there are just so many changes I am not prepared for in any way whatsoever that just seem so overwhelming. Anyone else feel this way, and like they have no choice but to just go with this new life?

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Listen- sooo many moms experience this. Two of the best moms I know were so resentful and not excited to be parents. It changes at birth. I was not ready either. I bought a house with my husband the month before and moved into our home to raise our son at 8.5 months pregnant. When you hold your daughter- your emotions and everything shift. As for the boyfriend- don’t forget that number 1 priority is you and your daughter. It sounds like he isn’t ready to contribute and that is honestly on him to figure out and on you to decide if you can add his load into your shoulders. A good partner is a full partner. Don’t forget that your daughter can have a relationship with him even if you aren’t living together or romantically together. It may be helpful having him there at the beginning to be a support. He should there to feed, burp, swaddle, and change your daughter. But he can be there to do laundry, cook, clean the house, bring you food and water while nursing/pumping as well.

This is normal but because moms are scared about what people think it’s never talked about it. My daughter is 5 months and I still question so much. I’m 31 so an older mom and I did ivf for years. So I wanted this. Was excited. But I didn’t feel the connection during the pregnancy and I was told oh you’ll feel it when she comes. Well it’s still weird for me. I don’t have that connection that I’m expected to have. And because of that I feel like a horrible mother. I’ve talked to other moms like this but it still feels horrible. I had a traumatic birth and tried for months to breastfeed and that just killed my mental health that I couldn’t provide. If you ever need to talk or just want to vent please. Message me

Normal feelings to have, in my opinion. Something that helped me: i stopped thinking that things should be/ could be different. I believe in destiny, and God is the most excellent of planners, even when we think we know what's best for ourselves. Know that you are not alone and there's an 'invisible hand' guiding you through life. Right now, you are going to be mom, and soon you can get back to your other plans, but try to enjoy the ride, with the unpredictable bumps and all :)

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