Relationship Struggles

Sorry if this isn’t the right place but I was hoping someone may relate to this. My partner and I are either arguing and bickering or just not really speaking at the moment. He says I’m always angry but I feel like I’m at breaking point. He’s got slightly better at helping out around the house, he’ll cook when we have his other children (two nights midweek and every other weekend) and will occasionally put washing on but other than that I do the cleaning, the rest of the washing, most the tidying up and the majority of care for our LO. I am a very tidy person whilst him and his older children are not. I have tried not to be so neat freakish since they moved in with me nearly 3 years ago as I know with children that’s impossible but I don’t think it’s unreasonable to ask them to tidy up after themselves. I haven’t been happy in our relationship for the last 12 months or so and I know after a baby things change which is why I’ve stuck with it. We’ve nearly called it a day several times but haven’t and each time I’ve wondered whether we’ve done the right thing. We’ve talked about things but it never seems to get any better and I feel horrible that I don’t think I have the same feelings as he does. I feel so miserable and unhappy and I am trying to stick it out for the sake of my daughter and step daughters, but at what point do I say enough is enough? Sorry for the long rant but any advice would be greatly appreciated, I feel like just saying that’s it now.

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How old are your kids together and his kids (your step kids) x

@Jen our LO is 19 months and his older children are 10 & 8 x

I'm going through something similar myself. We always bicker about his daughters attitude (it's got worse since our 14 week old son was born) She barely talks to me and sits in her room all day and night. It feels like she is forced to spend time with us and moans when she does. I've tried to discuss this with my partner, and it just ends up in an argument time and time again. We've now spoken about putting the house on the market and going our separate ways, which obviously I'm heartbroken about, but I shouldn't have to keep on at him to parent his daughter.

@Holly sorry to hear you’re going through a tough time. How old is your step daughter? Is she with you full time? x

She's 11 next month. It's like they hit being a teenager earlier and earlier 😅 with us 3 times a week, which is half the battle as we don't know what she gets up to at her mum's. Have you discussed a rewards chart or anything? Expectations of the children when they are with you? If your partner is anything like mine, it goes in one ear and out the other when discussing his daughter. It may be worth talking to the children yourself and explaining why it is important they tidy up after themselves x

I think like you, it’s because their mum does everything for them, they don’t think about it and I get fed up of constantly asking. I’ve tried talking to him but like you say, in one ear and out the other! Or he tells me I’m moaning. It doesn’t help that I feel so claustrophobic in the house when we’re all there so having it tidy helps but he doesn’t get that, he thinks moving to a bigger house will help with the issues x

This isn’t going to solve the relationship but I know when I feel like the house is a mess and feel frustrated with my Sd leaving things around or my husband (I don’t seem to mind when my son does), I feel better after a declutter. I just start clearing things out and anything people want to keep has to have a place. It clears my mind and I feel like I can start again. I do a room at a time and it then seems more manageable to keep tidy and therefore less stress for me. I feel in a better mood and less frustrated at my husband and SD who don’t mind mess. Tidy house, tidy mind xx

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