Only wanting one child but feeling guilty.

I feel you. My husband and I have been having lengthy discussions about this for a long time as well. Before I had my son I was sure I wanted to have two children. But you're right, once you're a mother, everything changes and you're not entirely prepared for whatever it throws at you. My husband is ready to have another child but I don't know if I have the physical and mental capacity to have another one while managing my son. I am very conflicted. On one hand I really want to hold and nurse another baby and see them grow and bond with my son but on the other hand I don't know if I can do it at all.

@Alekhya Tirumala Thank you so much for sharing your situation and being so open and honest - Really grateful. You’re literally saying what is in my brain!!! I hope that we all naturally come to a decision and in the meantime have to give ourselves the time to process what’s happening in front of us with our LB’s and what we would like for all our futures ❤️

Hiya, My partner and I have recently separated and this was one of the reasons. I was in camp want more and he didn’t. Despite the separation, I don’t think I will go on to have more children. Like you say, it’s hard and it takes a lot of time and energy to raise a little one. And I couldn’t give a relationship the time it would need so I have accepted that I am one and done. After months of trying to convince myself I did find lots of lovely arguments for having one child. And I follow a few instagram pages with lots of positives and support on the subject. Choose what makes you and your family happy. There is no right or wrong when it comes to this.

@Charlotte Thanks so much for taking the time to share your situation. I really appreciate your advice on this and will take it onboard ❤️ I am sorry to hear you have recently separated from your partner - wishing you all the best for the future with your LO. 🥰 xxx

I’m one and done. I don’t want too share my time with another or my money. My son has half siblings and plenty of cousins so I guess it can be more difficult if you don’t have any kids around him in the family x

I would suggest listening to this podcast: https://open.spotify.com/episode/0pdzOP8GGU8Rp1CCEm6qAG?si=dnAvQdyTQc6af6ozz5kO8w (Beyond the bump - One and done) Personally, listening to it made me more confident in what I was already feeling. It also breaks down myths and outside pressure that is not really kind to the new parents who might want to stick to just having one child. Hope you get more clarity on this 🫶🏻

Thanks all for sharing your stories and @Iva for sharing the link to this podcast! Will definitely listen to it.

We are only having one! Main reason is I am older and don’t want to go through it all again, even though I did enjoy being pregnant. I sometimes start to feel guilty but I think we can give him a better life and be financially better off with only one. I am also finding this stage quite tough with the tantrums etc 🫠 At the end of the day though, it is what is best for you and your team 😊

I am happily one and done. I wasn’t even sold on one to begin with 😅 but I know we can give her more with her being the only one, and not just financially but more of our time and attention. I’ve been able to stay at home with her which I wouldn’t be able to do if we had another. I have brief ‘what if’ moments as I think every mum does no matter how many children they have. A child doesn’t need a sibling when they have loving involved parents and a good network of friends and social interaction, and lots of children with siblings often feel lonely (I did).

As everyone else has said, do what you feel is right and definitely don't feel guilty for your decision. Just to add though, that I have one born in April 23 and another born in Nov 24 (both IVF babies so planned). I planned my second when my first wasn't yet crawling let alone walking and having toddler tantrums etc. I'm sure my body and hormones tricked me into it haha as if I'd waited a bit longer until I was in the depths of life with a toddler, I probably wouldn't have thought I could deal with a second so soon! It's definitely tough having two but I guess I'm just here saying that if you decided to go for a second, you'd be surprised how fast you adapt (and how you realise how much easier the newborn phase is now that you've got a toddler). Either way, you've got this! X

@Melanie Thank you Melanie ☺️ totally with you! It’s fantastic that you have family around as well for support and company xxx

@Iva Ahh amazing! 🙏🏻thank you so much for sharing. I am going to start and give it a good listen tonight! 🥰 xxx

@Lesley-Anne what you have said is how I feel!! Thanks so much for sharing your situation too, so appreciate hearing this from others xxx

@Jess Aw thanks so much Jess! I really love what you have mention here 🩵 appreciate you for saying this and sharing too! Xxx

@Alekhya Tirumala and @Sarah sorry I posted the wrong link earlier (now it's edited). The podcast is called Beyond the bump, the episode is: "One and done - Am I truly done?" Link to Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/episode/0pdzOP8GGU8Rp1CCEm6qAG?si=dnAvQdyTQc6af6ozz5kO8w

I felt the same with my first boy I was more than happy with just the one. He’s now got a sibling lol. He turns 7 this month and his brother is 21 months :) a bigger age gap is absolutely fine as is only having the one x

I'm one and done and like Charlotte I was never sure I definitely wanted the one for a long time (but of course wouldn't change it for the world now). I didn't have a great pregnancy or labour so that sealed what I'd already thought in terms of only having the one. I also grew up as an only child and I've never felt I've missed out due to not having a sibling. I guess for myself and my husband we'll just be channelling our energy into the one child and there will be less financial pressure etc. Of course there's pros and cons to both, like everyone has said the decision is ultimately up to you but I couldn't bypass this post without sharing my experience 😊 x

@Nicole ❤️ Thanks so much for commenting - it’s so great to hear your story and experience as being an only child. That really brings me some peace with knowing that you don’t always feel alone being the only child too. Thank you ✨ xxx

@Lauren thank you for sharing! This also so awesome to hear that age gaps work! You don’t always have to rush the process of having another! ❤️ x

I’m currently pregnant with a second one and my first born is 21 months old. Some days I’m overjoyed and other days I’m petrified of what’s to come. I read a quote that stuck with me when I was considering whether to continue with this pregnancy- it was along the lines of “you’ll never regret the children you do have, only the ones you don’t”. For some reason, this gave me peace. Raising a baby is so hard, but fast forward a few years and you’ll forget the tough times. This is my view, of course & whatever decision you make for your family will undoubtedly be the best!

@Negs congratulations 🙌🏻 thanks so much for commenting & sharing a really powerful quote. Puts life into perspective ❤️