Feel like I’m invisible

About 5 weeks ago I thought mine and my partners sex life was back on track. We were having great sex again like we used to do when we first met. Started even doing it 4 times a week. Sometimes even one day after another. We usually are only intimate once a week now and I’m 22 and he’s 24. We are very young and yes we do have a kid. She’s 2 and she’s a great sleeper until I close my eyes to go to sleep. Thing is we are young, we have time to do stuff, we should be having some of the best moments of our lives. Yet we aren’t. I thought things were on track again but they are going downhill. Sex recently has been bad and he’s stopped giving me a hug when he gets home from work. He’s more impatient with our daughter(she’s going through the terrible 2’s like breakdowns to the max). And I know everyone reacts differently but he treats her like she should know what she’s doing. I often tell him that she doesn’t understand still. She gets angry because although she can say the odd short sentence and random words most of the time, she can’t use all her words yet and form things we understand. Even times we think we understand we can be wrong. I thought he knew better than that. Now tonight has really been too much for me in one go. Mood swings like crazy and I swear this always happens when I don’t ask how his day was. I just forget sometimes and I will ask him after this to be nice. Thing is he never asks me how my day is but I don’t get massively upset about it. I just think oh he probably thinks my days are all the same because I’m currently not in work. I have been doing my CV tonight, wanting to perfect it. I told him it was 3 pages and he was like “you might not want to do too many as employers will get bored and look away”. And I was like well it won’t be the case for everyone and it’s their loss if they do. And he was like “mine is 2 pages for that reason”. I was feeling really proud and happy with it and now I feel like I’ve got to restart the whole thing. The thing is and I told him this, the 3rd page literally has 3 sentences on because I spaced things out and used bullet points so it was straight to the point and actually easier for employers to read. He just got funny with me about it and now I feel like crap. Then I said to him I’m going to send it to my dad to double check it(he’s always done this because his CV is massive and he’s got lots more experience in writing his so I always ask for a second opinion from him). My partner just didn’t respond. He’s literally 5 steps away from me. I just said “hellooo?” And he said what? I said you didn’t say anything and he said what did I say? So I told him and he said okay. But normally he apologises or says he didn’t hear me but I think he did and just didn’t want to ask me what I said. This happens a lot now where it’s like he just blanks me. I feel like everything is more important than me excluding our daughter of course. But even at times I feel like he still puts stuff above her. Like when he was on his phone earlier and I was cooking dinner, our daughter was having a bit of a meltdown. I didn’t say anything at first cuz I knew he was there and would help her. He just loudly said “what do you want?” It sounded like he was frustrated which I understand we can all get but at that point I turned around and comforted her. I think all he wanted to do was be on his phone in that moment. But he’s been at work all day and I thought he’d at least tell me if he wasn’t in the greatest of moods. I don’t know who this person is.

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When was the last time he had a free night to do his own thing? Sounds like he needs a night to wind down and blow off steam (you deserve one too) and then maybe he can come back with a fresh mind and be there for you both

I agree with Sarah. And with the holiday season wrapping up, a lot of high expectations and high requirements from the job… I would definitely want him to just take some time to be human again

@Sarah any night he can do what he wants. I always offer him to do it because I feel he is isolating himself. I don’t have friends here yet as I moved away from home. He also stopped seeing his friends before he met me because of his work. They all worked weekends and he worked differently all the time and never got to have any days off on the weekend(he was a chef). He’s changed jobs and now he doesn’t work weekends. When I encourage him to see his friends or if he wants me to take our daughter out so he can stay home, he tells me he doesn’t want that because it doesn’t feel right without us. I don’t know what to do but it’s easier for him to have time away or see some friends compared to me. He also wouldn’t mind taking our daughter out whilst I get stuff done around the house as he’s done before. For a few hours he’s taken them both to his parents. But when I offer to do the same as I can get a bus to his parents or just to take her to the shop he’ll say he will want to come with

@Sarah I appreciate him wanting to be with us. It’s honestly lovely and I feel so grateful. But without space I feel he is so easily triggered compared to me. I’ve always been quite close with my family and friends and were around them quite a lot and I’ve also spent a lot of time alone. So nothing really changes for me. I don’t think however he’s the same as he was always quite distant from his parents and always felt like his friends never cared for him. He also said when he met my friend and her bf before they had their baby that they were more of his type of people now. So I’ve been encouraging him to come to some baby groups and we could meet people like us together. He does come to baby groups but no one ever wants to stay in contact

@Rachel thing is he says he does nothing at his job. It’s basically a family business now, he was hired because his dad and uncle recommended him when he wanted to quit being a chef as we had our baby and he was doing ridiculous hours like making him work too much. He was a manager and was coming back at 3am each night. I was struggling with a newborn as I hadn’t done it before but I still did most of it to take a load off of him. He then realised he didn’t want the stress and left. Now he’s got the opposite type of job where there’s nothing to do because they’ve overhired. It’s basically like a electrical store, they only really get a few customers a day and his job is to serve those customers. He’s so bored at work that he’s constantly messaging me. So now he’s trying to go back to being a chef. I know that’s part of his stress 100% and I have acknowledged it to him. I don’t ask him to do anything at home at all and there are days where I think I’m more stressed but I never take it

@Rachel out on him. So I don’t know I just feel we are becoming less and less and I don’t know what to do. I want our daughter and him to have a good relationship too

I can relate to some of this if you’d like to message me x

Have you talked to him about his behavior? And have you (in a separate converstation) talked to him about his isolation?

Sorry just on the CV - 1 page or we do get bored - cut to the highlights, more CV doesn’t mean more chance of getting a job, it means it likely won’t be read to the end. Good luck!

@🥰👨‍👩‍👦 thanks but I didn’t ask for advice about my cv also read again because it’s just spaced out so it’s easier to read and because of how the template is. The bigger you choose titles to be by size on word means less space on page. But that’s how it stands out. I’ve also always had 2 pages worth and managed to get jobs 🤷‍♀️

@Rhianna thank you x

@Sarah yeah all the time. Especially when I can tell his behaviour is way different to normal. Even if we go to the shops if I ask to stay in car with our daughter because sometimes she can be in a mood he will say he doesn’t want to go into the shop without me

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