How to ask partner for money as a SAHM

Why do you have to ask him for money?

If you're a SAHM, you should definitely have a financial plan with your partner and a budget for the things you take care of. It sounds like you have separate finances? I still have my own bank accounts (because I want to), but one of our sources of income comes directly to my checking. If I need more, it's because of an outlier expense (i.e., Christmas shopping, party prep), and I tell my husband to transfer me more because of X reason. This is what works for us and isn't what everyone does, but it is one way this arrangement could work.

I mean, you should be able to ask him for anything without worry? I have access to all my husband money/finances but I still ask out of respect every time.

Something like 'can we revisit the budget? With more time alone with the baby I would like some more flexibility to help us get out of the house more'

@Katy yes I guess I should’ve explained this better. I was working a side job doing nails at home over the summer while I was pregnant and I ended up having some charges on my credit card because I was able to afford it at that time. But since having my son I haven’t been able to get my nail clients back so that credit card is still waiting to be paid but I also bought clothes that the baby needed when we went on a trip so l bought what we needed, but I just haven’t asked for help I think he assumed I handled it but I guess I just need to communicate that to him. I know he will help me I guess I just have a hard time facing the reality of my situation since my job is being at home with baby and taking care of the home I shouldn’t be spending money that I don’t have for the future

@Brittany I need help paying a credit card bill. I was getting money in the summer so I was kind of spending a lot just excited to buy stuff for our baby but I wasn’t able to finish paying off so that’s what I need help paying for

Did he know you had the credit card?

@Brittany I mentioned it to him for sure

It's tough to transition to discussing expenditures/debt if you're super used to being independent and self-sufficient. In your case, I think I'd let him know you still have a balance and you'd like to discuss the best strategy for paying it off with him. (Depending on if you have options or not.) And then, moving forward, maybe just try to practice discussing purchases more? (Whether on the card or not - just to get in the habit of thinking about expenses as both of yours, instead of only yours.)

As a SAHM where my hubby is the sole provider, I don't use my credit card or spend anything without first checking in with him and our finances. Communication is a must and you shouldn't feel afraid to ask for a little help especially since you don't have any income right now.

@Katy thank you for the advice !! Giving me lots to think about and communicate with my partner

@Crystal yes absolutely agree going forward there should be more communication and definitely a plan thanks for the input!

Everyone’s situation is different. I don’t have to ask my husband for day to day purchases. I ask him about larger purchases before hand out of respect. Is the amount on the credit card a lot? I hope you’re not afraid to ask him.

I actually had to do that with my husband as well before I got rid of my card, there was charges on there I forgot about/didn't know about and the bank wasn't letting me dispute them so I asked if he wouldn't mind paying it off. I think it was like $60 or something but I still felt bad. I got rid of my card and he made me a card from his account with my name on it so I wouldn't accidentally make any purchases on mine. Like Brittany said, everyone's situation is different and I hope you're able to freely ask him without being worried about his reaction. With him being the sole provider, he should expect stuff like this to come up and be able to discuss in a mature manner.

@Brittany it’s about a little less than $400. I think I’ve just been used to figuring things out on my own and we never really discussed finances I guess he is probably expecting that if I need help I will just ask for it I’m not scared I’m just not used to asking for stuff but it’s definitely a conversation we need to have going forward since I won’t be having an income as of now. I think he has confidence that I will ask for help if I need it but I’m definitely working on that

@Annika yes I appreciate your input I definitely am working on just asking for help I think he’s expecting me to just ask instead of him suggesting anything and also I was so used to doing things on my own before we had our son that I didn’t even think of stuff like this so I do feel bad asking for help but I’m sure we will work something out he’s very understanding and he will happily help me

I totally get that, we've been together for 11 years and I still have a hard time asking for things sometimes. It's definitely an adjustment. Wishing you the best of luck!!

@Annika thank you 🙏🏽

O good! I would just explain it to him. Don’t be afraid ☺️ if this is your life partner you need to get comfortable with these kinds of conversations. But I get it! My first year as a SAHM I felt these feelings. But my partner would be offended when I would ask lol so now it’s easy !

@Brittany yes exactly he’s told me before that everything he has I also have and I’m able to ask for day to day things too so I need to be comfortable asking for help with my bill and figure out a plan for that. I guess I felt bad/guilty because it’s almost $400 and that’s a lot of money to me but it’s a credit card so we can at least pay the minimum which is about $40. I know it’s definitely all about communication so I have to speak up

Definitely! I’ve worked since I was 15 so I totally understand how weird it can feel. Good luck! 🙏

IMO if it’s about a credit card I would just mention the payment that is needed to be paid, as it’s better to ask now then later and the interest has gone up and the payment is bigger. Also if your staying home and he is at work expenses would fall on him as he would be the financial provider. As much as it is not a fun topic to talk about it does have to happen when I was pregnant and couldn’t work due to a couple of reasons my boyfriend was working and was the main provider for bills as well as things that I wanted/needed. And now roles are reversed im back at work and now provide for him my son and our bills sometimes one has to pick up more slack then the other! Hope you figure it out mama ❤️

You shouldn’t have to. It’s financial abuse no matter what. It’s OK to come up with a budget to know how much extra is available for leisure, bills, emergencies etc but to have no idea is wrong. My brother worked at a job making a little over 3k weekly and a lot of the guys made more than him. The ones that were married would either say their wives had no clue what they made or thought they made significantly less than what they did. Communication about what you’re spending on if it’s a big purchase is normal. Maybe set a budget with him and then come up with a number like anything over $100 or whatever amount should be discussed first

You say partner so I’m not sure if y’all are married but I feel like once you live together and have a child together you should share finances. It’s going to put a strain on your relationship if there’s separation, ESPECIALLY since you’re not financially contributing

So my man has set up a small part of his paycheck to be deposited into my account every week and that has worked perfectly for us.